NBD - Thanksgiving Unspectacular

For the past few years, with my family scattered between Northern Virginia, Richmond, Charlotte, and Pittsburgh, I've elected to spend Thanksgiving quietly in NYC, getting together with a few friends for the Turkey Day itself, but otherwise having a few days to sit around, await cell phone deliveries, and compose mammoth Thanksgiving fantasy posts. This year has been quite the opposite. Having returned from Texas on Monday afternoon, I proceeded to spend Tuesday morning at JFK (fruitlessly), Tuesday evening on a wireless-less bus ride, Wednesday in NoVa, and Thursday through the weekend in Pittsburgh with family. It's now Saturday morning, and I haven't written a thing. No Reviews, no Previews, no Rutger Hauer. So now I am embarking on the difficult task of incorporating all those things into one post, to be written in the brief window between my late wake-up and the family bowling outing this afternoon. Wish me luck.


We'll start, as always, with Week 11 Reviews

Mental Errors (116) defeat The Death Panel (111)

This one hurt. With the playoff picture tightening up at the top and only a few weeks remaining, there was no bigger match-up this week than this encounter of two 6-4 teams. Then Thursday happened and god damn Ricky Williams - who I've supported through everything despite all the public condemnation! - went and dropped 32 points on my head. Horse shit! Undaunted, the Panellers fought on. Even when Ricky's big day was augmented by solid outings from Kevin Smith (21), Tom Brady (17), and bullshit acquisition Joseph Addai (14), we held things close. Drew Brees (19) brought his usual excellence. Laurence Maroney (18) continued his recent (and completely unexpected) run of success. Tony Gonzalez and Ray Rice (14 each) did what they needed to do. By the time Monday night rolled around, we were within twenty points with all-world receiver Andre Johnson queued up to dismantle the Tennessee pass defense. And to some extent, he did, receiving for 78 yards and a touchdown. But that doesn't quite get you twenty points, and it didn't quite get the Panel a much-needed victory.

Wild Stallions (154) defeat Sexy Cheeseburger (91)
Holy shit. As I may have mentioned, I was in Texas for the Cowboys-Redskins game last weekend, and with limited internet access didn't really see what an insane day DeYoung had in Week 11. So far as I can tell, this is not only the highest point total of the year, but it's the highest point total ever in NBD. Dag. Not a single Stallion was in single-digits, and most were above 15. Every one of these guys deserves some mention here, but I'm not going to write a sentence about each one, so here's a roll call of scoring, high to low: Aaron Rodgers (23), Jason Snelling (21 - nice pick-up), Kevin Boss (20), New England D (19), Rashard Mendenhall (18), Mike Sims-Walker (15), Larry Fitzgerald (15), Nate Kaeding (14), and Pierre Thomas (10). That's fucking impressive. When Larry Fitzgerald and his dependable 15 points are your seventh-best player of the week, you're pretty much guaranteed a victory. Sexy Cheeseburger even had a decent day, with Beanie Wells (15) notching a second straight productive week and Jerricho Cotchery (14) stepping up. But the hand of God itself would have had a hard time defeating DeYoung this week.

Who Gonna Check Me Boo? (91) defeats Deuceburger (78)
Colly felt that he got cheated back in Week 10, having scored 104 points despite suffering through the infamous MJD kneel-down and losing. This week should feel like a make-up, as 91 is nowhere near his usual excellence but still earned him a victory over the unimposing Deuceburger squad. The usual Check Me greats (Chris Johnson, MJD, DeSean Jackson) were only merely good (15, 14, and 16, respectively), and he even had an oh-fer (Benjamin Watson). But JPC3 was taking on essentially a team of two. With Adrian Peterson (10) struggling by his standards, Terrell Owens (25) had his best day of the year by a country mile, and Matt Schaub (20) scored the same 20 points he always scores. But the rest of Kex's squad was simply abysmal, as they usually are, leading to an easy Colly victory and our first official lock for the playoffs.

Goin' Rogue Y'all (105) defeats Woody's Warriors (60)
An even easier victory was had by Matt Haller, who despite selling off the franchise with a series of future-oriented trades this week, managed to house Woody's ugly performance. Not helping matters was a double-ohfer from Steve Breaston and Michael Turner. Breaston's goose egg was relatively unforesee-able; he played and didn't get thrown at. But Turner was a pretty obvious scratch all week, despite his claims that he was going to try and make it, so shame on Woody for not finding a line-up replacement. Haller's Palin-inspired squad was led by Calvin Johnson (22), giving the best performance of his otherwise disappointing 2009 season. Sidney Rice (21) was also excellent, and for my money may be Haller's top keeper as an early October free agent pick-up, despite all Matt's recent attempts to find keepers through trades. DeAngelo Williams (16) and new Rogue-Goer LeSean McCoy (14) were also solid contributors in the win.

Vag Secretion Parfait (121) defeats Burke City Giants (96)
Normally I root against a Papkin victory under any circumstance, but when his team is clearly out of the running and his opponent is the hated Burke City Giants, sitting near the top of the standings, I can get down with some Parfait. This was only Papkin's fourth win of the season, but two of those wins have now come over Toobins, which has to make him happy. The classic Vag Secretion combo of Roethlisberger-to-Ward was working it in Week 11, accounting for 45 points between them. Mike Bell (20) re-took the reigns from Pierre Thomas for a game, and Anquan Boldin (16) seems to be back from the dead. If any of those things had been true six weeks ago, Papkin might have a contender on his hands, but as it is he'll have to settle for playing late-season spoiler. I should also note that former Death Panel bench-warmer Vernon Davis (17) had another big week, his third since escaping the doghouse of DP tight ends coach Jermaine "Wiggy" Wiggins. The Giants, for their part, had some good outings. Wes Welker (20) led the way, and Steve Smith 1.0 (15) had his third double-digit day in four games as he overcomes his early-season slump. But these efforts were not enough for Michael's team to clinch a playoff spot, so they must fight another week.

Harry Lance Hannibal (80) defeats Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (76)
The unprecedented luck of the worst team to ever be 7-4 continued in Week 11 as Ray's team scored the third-lowest point total but still managed to add a W, thanks to the painfully weak opposition of Matt Ryan Loves Dogs. Koehler may have been blessed with a bouncing baby boy this fall, but he was cursed with a lousy fantasy team. The lone bright spot remains Steven Jackson (18), who as always is only really useful if you've got a decent team to carry you through the first half of the season. With starters such as Lee Evans (2), Jeremy Shockey (2) and Braylon Edwards (1), Koehler's is not that team. HLH won, if you can call it that, on the shoulders of Packers Ryan Grant (21) and Greg Jennings (19). Frank Gore and David Garrard (13 each) were also decent, and helped Ray overcome the early loss of Ladell Betts (1), whose role as a respectable fantasy fill-in in the wake of Clinton Portis' injury, lasted about one week and one play.

So that brings us up to speed on Week 11. Week 12 is already well underway with the three Thanksgiving games, but that's not going to keep me from "guessing" at what's going to happen. Here are your Week 12 Previews & Predictions:

The Death Panel (6-5) vs. Woody's Warriors (5-6)
Yet another match-up with serious playoff ramifications for the Panel. This one pits my sixth-place squad against Woody's seventh-place Warriors, and they're off to an early lead thanks to Knowshon Moreno (17) and Brandon Marshall (9). It's not a good week for DP match-ups (lots of Saints and Pats playing each other), and it's looking like Michael Turner is going to play against the heinous Bucs. The final playoff spot is likely going to be up for grabs in the last week of the season thanks to a Warrior win here.

Sexy Cheeseburger (5-6) vs. Who Gonna Check Me Boo? (8-3)
Sexy Cheesburger is off to a pretty good start in this one, having pulled 20 out of Tony Romo and 14 out of his kicker. Having said that, none of the WGCMB? big guns have played yet, and they're facing relatively weak opponents. It'll take some catching up, but I give this one to the Checkers.

Goin' Rogue Y'all (4-7) vs. Deuceburger (2-9)
Neither of these teams is in the playoff picture, but only one has been re-organizing his team with next year in mind. Did Manning even think of dealing the biggest trading chip in the league, Adrian Peterson, for some future stars? I doubt it. That inattentiveness to strategy will likely hurt him next year, but it may be enough to grab him his third win here in Week 12. Haller's already-playeds did nothing special, and Purple Jesus going against the Bears may be enough to push Deuceburger over the top this week.  

Burke City Giants (7-4) vs. Mental Errors (7-4)
I don't normally designate a Game of the Week, but if I did this one would certainly be it. As if the inherent father-son drama weren't enough, this edition of the ToobinBowl features two teams at 7-4, with the winner claiming second place and a potential bye to start the playoffs if they can hold onto it. Exciting! The Giants Brandon Jacobs (6) underwhelmed on Thursday, and the Errors' Donald Driver (20) overperformed. That should set the tone for the rest of the game, as I see Michael's Patriots struggling against the New Orleans defense and Elliott's Reggie Wayne (vs. Houston) and Ricky Williams (vs. Buffalo) set for big days Advantage: Mental Errors.

Harry Lance Hannibal (7-4) vs. Vag Secretion Parfait (4-7)
Ugh, yet another week where I need to root for Papkin. Luckily, he's playing my Dad, who I have no problem rooting against. Neither team is off to a great start, but of Ray's remaining players, two are Bears taking on Vikings. That's not a good equation. Happily, I'll pick the Parfait.

Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (4-7) vs. Wild Stallions (7-4)
The three biggest players on MRLD have big red Q's next to their names. That is not a good sign when you're a 4-7 team taking on a squad that posted 150+ points the week before, even with a big outing already from the Green Bay D (22). Stallions win.

Last week: 5-1
Overall: 39-21

Good luck to everyone this week except for Woody. Woody, I'm pretty sure I never got you a wedding present back in 2005 or whenever you got married. And you know what? I'm not sorry.