Bardey just pointed out to me that I've posted 26 times in the month of September, including Parts A and B of this week. This will be my 27th (and last) of the month, and along with the Crabtree Watch and Who the Fuck Are You columns in the margin, that averages out to about one fantasy football post a day.
Please. Somebody. Find me a job.
9.30.2009
NBD - Week 3 Review C
Following up on my earlier post about the SI Swimsuit Vault, I was just perusing and found this:
I forgot how redonk Tyra used to be. This pic from '97 combined with an erotic head massage I received from Joanne Uwujaren that same year might be the starting point of my ladies of flavor obsession. Before I get too far into my erotic jungle love fantasies, though, let's finish up the week in fantasy games.
BIFL - Week 3 Review B
Tonight was Greek Night here on Baltic Street. Me and the girls get together, cook a decent meal, drink some wine, and watch our favorite ABC Family program, Greek. I've only lived here for a week, but already we're building traditions. It's nice to build traditions. And no BIFL tradition is stronger than...
9.29.2009
NBD - Week 3 Review B
They call me girl! They call me Stacey! in Part A.
Roger's Oyster Lunch (80) defeats the Death Panel (73)
For the second straight week I was fucked by the Cowboys in a night game (which might make a nice subtitle for "Brokeback Mountain 2"). Last week it was the Defense that got me, and this week it was the offense. With a slim lead headed into Monday night, I needed Oyster Lunch's Tony Romo to have another implosion and throw some interceptions, fumble some balls, and generally be the shitter that he is. Romo did not exactly have a stellar game, but he uncharacteristically failed to turn the ball over, and his 12 points were more than enough for Derek to claim victory. This was in contrast to my own quarterback, the previously infallible God known as Drew Brees (6). I was happy to see the New Orleans running game, with Pierre Thomas, get cranked up. But since Thomas is my third running back over in BIFL, and Brees is my best player over here in NBD, I'd prefer it if they stuck to the all-out aerial assault, thanks. As it is, I'm still waiting on Matt Forte (11) to justify his top-5 pre-season rankings. Derek's running backs, meanwhile, are vastly outperforming expectations. Fred Taylor (17) and LeSean McCoy (15) were among Oyster Lunch's top scorers this week, and were drafted in the 7th and 8th rounds, respectively. Drafted right before them was Jerricho Cotchery, who also chipped in 17 in Derek's winning effort.
Roger's Oyster Lunch (80) defeats the Death Panel (73)
For the second straight week I was fucked by the Cowboys in a night game (which might make a nice subtitle for "Brokeback Mountain 2"). Last week it was the Defense that got me, and this week it was the offense. With a slim lead headed into Monday night, I needed Oyster Lunch's Tony Romo to have another implosion and throw some interceptions, fumble some balls, and generally be the shitter that he is. Romo did not exactly have a stellar game, but he uncharacteristically failed to turn the ball over, and his 12 points were more than enough for Derek to claim victory. This was in contrast to my own quarterback, the previously infallible God known as Drew Brees (6). I was happy to see the New Orleans running game, with Pierre Thomas, get cranked up. But since Thomas is my third running back over in BIFL, and Brees is my best player over here in NBD, I'd prefer it if they stuck to the all-out aerial assault, thanks. As it is, I'm still waiting on Matt Forte (11) to justify his top-5 pre-season rankings. Derek's running backs, meanwhile, are vastly outperforming expectations. Fred Taylor (17) and LeSean McCoy (15) were among Oyster Lunch's top scorers this week, and were drafted in the 7th and 8th rounds, respectively. Drafted right before them was Jerricho Cotchery, who also chipped in 17 in Derek's winning effort.
9.28.2009
BIFL - Week 3 Review A
As you know if you read my Previews & Predictions this week, I spent Sunday watching football at Fox Sports headquarters in midtown Manhattan. A friend of Souts is friends with a guy who does ad sales for Fox Sports, and he invited us to come to the viewing lounge there to watch the games. I wasn't sure what to expect, but when I got there I discovered an armchair quarterback's Shangri-La. There were eight big, beautiful TVs mounted on two walls, surrounding a sitting area full of plush leather chairs. There was an open bar. There were hot dogs. There were hamburgers. There was steak. There was shrimp. There was an open bar. There was couscous. There were old umpire masks on the wall. There was an open bar. There was a weird older lady wearing oversized headphones and wandering around. There were Sno-Caps, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Milk Duds. There was an open bar. It was magical, and all free. It really was a beautiful way to watch football. And it was maybe enough to soften what would have been an otherwise disastrous Sunday of football for us. I had to watch my Redskins lose to the lowly Lions, and Steve, in addition to watching his Bills lose, had to see this...
NBD - Week 3 Review A
Remember Stacey Williams?
I do. Even weird mid-90's swimsuit fashion couldn't un-hot her. I always felt like she was under-rated compared to your Vendelas, your Cindy Crawfords, your Kathy Irelands, etc. I bring this up because I just discovered Sports Illustrated's "The Vault." On it, you can browse back through pretty much any Sports Illustrated in history. I just read an article from 20 years ago about Joe Montana leading a fourth-quarter comeback over the Eagles. He threw four touchdowns in that quarter and 428 total passing yards for the day. Would have been a pretty strong fantasy asset, I imagine. And speaking of assets: among the issues you can browse are all the swimsuit issues. They've actually got a whole section of the site devoted to it. You can re-live all your adolescent wank jobs anew. It's fantastic.
Back to fantasy of the football variety: We've got a couple games in the bag even before the MNF contest:
9.27.2009
BIFL - Week 3 Previews & Predictions
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NBD - Week 3 Previews & Predictions
Charles came to town this weekend, and on Friday night we went out pretty hard, ending the evening at NYC nightclub Sway. While swigging bottle-service vodka-cranberries and dancing around like an idiot, I lost track of Charles. When 4am rolled around, I was ready to leave but he was nowhere to be found, so I cabbed home alone and left the door open. When I awoke that morning and emerged from my room, there was Charles, on the air mattress in the living room of my new apartment (the apartment I share with two new roommates, one of whom is a girl) with some rando chick. Charles introduced her to me as his "new girlfriend," and she promptly told me that she couldn't find her underwear, and that I might find it later hidden somewhere in the living room. It was also readily apparent that they did not know each other's names, a fact that was later confirmed by Charles himself. The word your probably looking for right now is "classy."
On to P&P.
The Death Panel (1-1) vs. Roger's Oyster Lunch (1-1)
Mmmm. I do love Oysters. And Drew Brees. He's going against Buffalo today, who Yahoo tells me is the 31st-ranked pass defense. That seems like good news. Even better news is that Derek's team sucks, so all I probably need is one big day (Matt Forte, you seem due) to take this one for The Panel.
You Got Got (1-1) vs. Get It in the Can (1-1)
Man, there's a lot of getting in this one. Last week, Chris Johnson went nuts on the Texans. He won't be playing them again this week, but his YGG teammate Maurice Jones-Drew will, probably to similar effect. Haller's team is taking on a bunch of shitbag defenses, though, so this could be a close one. I'll still go with You Got Got to get the victory, though.
Burke City Giants (2-0) vs. Deuceburger (2-0)
We've only got three undefeated teams in the league, and after this match-up one of them will be gone. As a rule, I generally haven't been picking against Michael's team or Adrian Peterson, but I've got to do one of those things here. I'm not sure what Randy Moss's deal is, but that big red Q next to his name gives me pause, especially after a very humdrum Week 2. Let's go with the Burger in this one, on the strength of a big day by Darren Sproles.
Bartelby (2-0) vs. Woody's Warriors (0-2)
Last year these two were duking it out for last place. Now they find themselves at opposite ends of the standings (though I admit it's awfully early to be talking about "standings"). Woodrow is still starting Torry Holt and LenDale White, who've totalled 17 fantasy points this season, so I imagine he's not going to be leaving the cellar anytime soon. Ray won't get another 40-point day from Frank Gore going against Minnesota, but Greg Jennings has got to do better than last week's 0-fer, so Bartelby carries the day.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (0-2) vs. I'm at the Pizza Hut (0-2)
Chapel Hill residents will finally be able to rest easy tonight, knowing that one of their fantasy football franchises has finally secured a win. It won't be pretty, though, as both of these teams are hideous. I don't think either team will really come out a "winner," but I'll take Pizza Hut to score more points.
Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe (1-1) vs. Wild Stallions (1-1)
I will admit that when I first saw Papkin's new team name, I laughed. But... I generally have a problem with having a player in your team name who isn't actually on your team, and Papkin does not have Dwayne Bowe. It also reeks of something Chris Berman would say, which is just unacceptable. So that, plus the fact that two of Sam's backs are questionable, leads me to pick the Stallions without even really looking at their roster.
Last week: 5-1
Overall: 9-3
Good luck to everyone this week, except for Derek. Derek, we don't share enough personal history for me to have anything clever to say to you, but know this: I fucking hate you.
On to P&P.
The Death Panel (1-1) vs. Roger's Oyster Lunch (1-1)
Mmmm. I do love Oysters. And Drew Brees. He's going against Buffalo today, who Yahoo tells me is the 31st-ranked pass defense. That seems like good news. Even better news is that Derek's team sucks, so all I probably need is one big day (Matt Forte, you seem due) to take this one for The Panel.
You Got Got (1-1) vs. Get It in the Can (1-1)
Man, there's a lot of getting in this one. Last week, Chris Johnson went nuts on the Texans. He won't be playing them again this week, but his YGG teammate Maurice Jones-Drew will, probably to similar effect. Haller's team is taking on a bunch of shitbag defenses, though, so this could be a close one. I'll still go with You Got Got to get the victory, though.
Burke City Giants (2-0) vs. Deuceburger (2-0)
We've only got three undefeated teams in the league, and after this match-up one of them will be gone. As a rule, I generally haven't been picking against Michael's team or Adrian Peterson, but I've got to do one of those things here. I'm not sure what Randy Moss's deal is, but that big red Q next to his name gives me pause, especially after a very humdrum Week 2. Let's go with the Burger in this one, on the strength of a big day by Darren Sproles.
Bartelby (2-0) vs. Woody's Warriors (0-2)
Last year these two were duking it out for last place. Now they find themselves at opposite ends of the standings (though I admit it's awfully early to be talking about "standings"). Woodrow is still starting Torry Holt and LenDale White, who've totalled 17 fantasy points this season, so I imagine he's not going to be leaving the cellar anytime soon. Ray won't get another 40-point day from Frank Gore going against Minnesota, but Greg Jennings has got to do better than last week's 0-fer, so Bartelby carries the day.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (0-2) vs. I'm at the Pizza Hut (0-2)
Chapel Hill residents will finally be able to rest easy tonight, knowing that one of their fantasy football franchises has finally secured a win. It won't be pretty, though, as both of these teams are hideous. I don't think either team will really come out a "winner," but I'll take Pizza Hut to score more points.
Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe (1-1) vs. Wild Stallions (1-1)
I will admit that when I first saw Papkin's new team name, I laughed. But... I generally have a problem with having a player in your team name who isn't actually on your team, and Papkin does not have Dwayne Bowe. It also reeks of something Chris Berman would say, which is just unacceptable. So that, plus the fact that two of Sam's backs are questionable, leads me to pick the Stallions without even really looking at their roster.
Last week: 5-1
Overall: 9-3
Good luck to everyone this week, except for Derek. Derek, we don't share enough personal history for me to have anything clever to say to you, but know this: I fucking hate you.
9.24.2009
BIFL - Week 2 Review C
Don't sleep on Reviews Part A & B.
Chip Lohmiller (96) defeats Juse and the Argonauts (95)
Damn, this was a tight one. Both teams played hard, but it really is a shame that Dekker won because Juse's attack was far more balanced. Trent Edwards, Steven Jackson, Darren McFadden, Chad Ochocinco, and Dwayne Bowe were all between 11 and 19 points. This may be one of the best Argonauts teams we've seen in ages, although I admit that has has little to no meaning. But if those Argos had just gotten one more extra point out of Jason Elam (4), or anything at all out of Zach Miller (0), who was so good in Week 1, they would have pulled off a victory. But alas, they did not. Dekker's scoring was not nearly as balanced, but who needs balance when you've got Matt Schaub? Overcoming lame-ish performances from Ray Rice (7) and Reggie Wayne (3), Schaub went nuts against the Titans (who apparently aren't so hot defensively anymore without Albert Haynesworth) to the tune of 34 points. The only other notable outings by the Lohmillers were kicker John Carney (12) and Percy Harvin (11). Harvin, like DeSean Jackson last year, is seemingly out to prove that rookie receivers can be productive if you find creative ways to put the ball in their hands.
I'm Here for the Gangbang (93) defeats Merriman's Bitch-Chokers (80)
It's still mind-boggling to me that Shoaf's team is named after Shawne Merriman despite the fact that he doesn't have Merriman on his team. This would be like if I had been named Santonio's Blunts last year instead of Dois. It just doesn't make any sense. Commish, can we make a rule about this? Anyways, Shoaf got what he deserved this week, and it came in the form of Frank Gore. I've always liked Frank Gore, and I was disappointed not to get him on any of my teams this year. I'm glad he ended up on the Gangbang, though, since traditionally that has been the BIFL team besides my own that I have given the strongest support. Chuck didn't need my backing this week, though, since Gore's 43-point day put him pretty much out of reach. It's a good thing he did, too, because other than Matt Ryan (18), the rest of the Gangbangers were pretty much all just groping around in the dark. The Bitch-Chokers' receivers showed similar futility, combining for 0 points. It's always nice to get imaginary numbers into fantasy football; thanks, Donnie Avery (-2). Peyton Manning (26) was strong, but Adrian Peterson (15) failed to tear up the Lions like we all expected, so the Bitch-Chokers fell short of making this one a contest.
P&P's this weekend. See y'all then.
Chip Lohmiller (96) defeats Juse and the Argonauts (95)
Damn, this was a tight one. Both teams played hard, but it really is a shame that Dekker won because Juse's attack was far more balanced. Trent Edwards, Steven Jackson, Darren McFadden, Chad Ochocinco, and Dwayne Bowe were all between 11 and 19 points. This may be one of the best Argonauts teams we've seen in ages, although I admit that has has little to no meaning. But if those Argos had just gotten one more extra point out of Jason Elam (4), or anything at all out of Zach Miller (0), who was so good in Week 1, they would have pulled off a victory. But alas, they did not. Dekker's scoring was not nearly as balanced, but who needs balance when you've got Matt Schaub? Overcoming lame-ish performances from Ray Rice (7) and Reggie Wayne (3), Schaub went nuts against the Titans (who apparently aren't so hot defensively anymore without Albert Haynesworth) to the tune of 34 points. The only other notable outings by the Lohmillers were kicker John Carney (12) and Percy Harvin (11). Harvin, like DeSean Jackson last year, is seemingly out to prove that rookie receivers can be productive if you find creative ways to put the ball in their hands.
I'm Here for the Gangbang (93) defeats Merriman's Bitch-Chokers (80)
It's still mind-boggling to me that Shoaf's team is named after Shawne Merriman despite the fact that he doesn't have Merriman on his team. This would be like if I had been named Santonio's Blunts last year instead of Dois. It just doesn't make any sense. Commish, can we make a rule about this? Anyways, Shoaf got what he deserved this week, and it came in the form of Frank Gore. I've always liked Frank Gore, and I was disappointed not to get him on any of my teams this year. I'm glad he ended up on the Gangbang, though, since traditionally that has been the BIFL team besides my own that I have given the strongest support. Chuck didn't need my backing this week, though, since Gore's 43-point day put him pretty much out of reach. It's a good thing he did, too, because other than Matt Ryan (18), the rest of the Gangbangers were pretty much all just groping around in the dark. The Bitch-Chokers' receivers showed similar futility, combining for 0 points. It's always nice to get imaginary numbers into fantasy football; thanks, Donnie Avery (-2). Peyton Manning (26) was strong, but Adrian Peterson (15) failed to tear up the Lions like we all expected, so the Bitch-Chokers fell short of making this one a contest.
P&P's this weekend. See y'all then.
9.23.2009
NBD - Week 2 Review C
Don't forget about Parts A and B. Just because they came out sooner doesn't make them any less important. It's the fact that they don't include the re-cap of my game that makes them less important.
You Belong 2 Kanye (86) defeats Ditka's Wallet (56)
This match-up featured the Haller brothers, who are determined to make Ray and Michael's heads explode by changing their team names to different of-the-moment cultural references each week. Already, Matt's team is no longer called "You Belong 2 Kanye," but since that's what they were called on Sunday that's the name I'm using here. So far as I can tell, Derek's name is now a reference to one of those Coors Light press conference ads, which is absolutely a new low in uncreative team naming. I hope there's more there. As thinly entertaining as the revolving door of team names is, it actually far outshines this shitter of a game. Dereks group of lame-o's managed to get one player - Tony Romo - into double-figures, and only barely at that (12). His starting running backs were LeSean McCoy (6), Fred Taylor (5), and Beanie Wells (2). That is abominable. Normally it takes a full season of injuries, position takeovers, and weardown to put together a starting crew that week, and Derek has managed it in only a few weeks. Matt did better, but not much. There are only three other teams in the league that he would have beaten. His top two scorers were Jay Cutler (17) and Fred Jackson (17), which are respectable days. So what did Matt do? He traded away Jackson and replaced Cutler. Interesting strategy.
Deuceburger (118) defeats The Death Panel (107)
Even though I scored 107 points this week, enough to beat all but three NBD teams, I am at peace with my loss. I deserved to lose. Why? After the day games on Sunday, I was down only ten points even though Kex had had a strong day. Darren Sproles had laid further claim to the San Diego starter's job with 21 points. The New Orleans defense (17) had somehow cobbled together a two sacks, three picks, a forced fumble and a touchdown. Adrian Peterson had put up 16 points, which frankly is way less than I'd feared considering he was playing the Lions. Even Kellen Winslow (15) stopped being a shitter for one week. And yet still I was only down by a slim margin, thanks to my boy Drew Brees' usual excellence (23), Andre Johnson's explosion (27), and a surprisingly good performance from Chad Ochocinco (15). And who did I turn to for those final ten+ points? Who did my Week 2 fate rely on? The fucking Dallas Cowboys. With a league full of defenses to choose from in the draft, and no real difference between them at that point, I chose my own team's hated rivals. Why? Because I'm a jackass. And when the time came and I needed them, they did nothing for me. Literally, nothing. 0 points. Well, that's it Cowboys. I'm done with you. You just got replaced by the Denver Broncos. How 'bout them apples?!?
Back this weekend for Previews & Predictions.
You Belong 2 Kanye (86) defeats Ditka's Wallet (56)
This match-up featured the Haller brothers, who are determined to make Ray and Michael's heads explode by changing their team names to different of-the-moment cultural references each week. Already, Matt's team is no longer called "You Belong 2 Kanye," but since that's what they were called on Sunday that's the name I'm using here. So far as I can tell, Derek's name is now a reference to one of those Coors Light press conference ads, which is absolutely a new low in uncreative team naming. I hope there's more there. As thinly entertaining as the revolving door of team names is, it actually far outshines this shitter of a game. Dereks group of lame-o's managed to get one player - Tony Romo - into double-figures, and only barely at that (12). His starting running backs were LeSean McCoy (6), Fred Taylor (5), and Beanie Wells (2). That is abominable. Normally it takes a full season of injuries, position takeovers, and weardown to put together a starting crew that week, and Derek has managed it in only a few weeks. Matt did better, but not much. There are only three other teams in the league that he would have beaten. His top two scorers were Jay Cutler (17) and Fred Jackson (17), which are respectable days. So what did Matt do? He traded away Jackson and replaced Cutler. Interesting strategy.
Deuceburger (118) defeats The Death Panel (107)
Even though I scored 107 points this week, enough to beat all but three NBD teams, I am at peace with my loss. I deserved to lose. Why? After the day games on Sunday, I was down only ten points even though Kex had had a strong day. Darren Sproles had laid further claim to the San Diego starter's job with 21 points. The New Orleans defense (17) had somehow cobbled together a two sacks, three picks, a forced fumble and a touchdown. Adrian Peterson had put up 16 points, which frankly is way less than I'd feared considering he was playing the Lions. Even Kellen Winslow (15) stopped being a shitter for one week. And yet still I was only down by a slim margin, thanks to my boy Drew Brees' usual excellence (23), Andre Johnson's explosion (27), and a surprisingly good performance from Chad Ochocinco (15). And who did I turn to for those final ten+ points? Who did my Week 2 fate rely on? The fucking Dallas Cowboys. With a league full of defenses to choose from in the draft, and no real difference between them at that point, I chose my own team's hated rivals. Why? Because I'm a jackass. And when the time came and I needed them, they did nothing for me. Literally, nothing. 0 points. Well, that's it Cowboys. I'm done with you. You just got replaced by the Denver Broncos. How 'bout them apples?!?
Back this weekend for Previews & Predictions.
BIFL - Week 2 Review B
Don't forget about Part A! It's got video!
Some of you may remember last year's love letter to Michael Turner. When Michael and I first got together, he blew my mind. So sweet and kind. So reliable. Such a big, bulbous ass. The Burner was great, honestly... for a first love. But people grow and change, and though we're still friends (he scored me 16 points this week), sometimes you realize that you're looking for something else. Something a little more mature, a little more on the wild side, a little more... raw. I'm not even 30 yet! I'm gonna settle down a with 6-year veteran? No thanks. I've gotta live while I'm young, and I need a man that can satisfy me. I just didn't expect to find him so soon.
Some of you may remember last year's love letter to Michael Turner. When Michael and I first got together, he blew my mind. So sweet and kind. So reliable. Such a big, bulbous ass. The Burner was great, honestly... for a first love. But people grow and change, and though we're still friends (he scored me 16 points this week), sometimes you realize that you're looking for something else. Something a little more mature, a little more on the wild side, a little more... raw. I'm not even 30 yet! I'm gonna settle down a with 6-year veteran? No thanks. I've gotta live while I'm young, and I need a man that can satisfy me. I just didn't expect to find him so soon.
9.22.2009
NBD - Week 2 Review B
Here's Part A
Burke City Giants (85) defeat Woody's Warriors (77)
After only two weeks, it's very early to be drawing conclusions on any teams, but after Burke City's pedestrian victory here in Week 2, we can at least say that the pre-season Superteam is looking somewhat mortal. Tom Brady clearly hasn't rounded back into form yet, which is limiting the production of Randy Moss (2 pts - and I should note that the absence of Wes Welker didn't help). Steve Slaton, who was supposed to be such a steal in the 12th round, has actually produced like a 12th-rounder (3 pts last week, 6 this week). Could it be that Michael Toobin's team is not the juggernaut we all thought it was? Well, the truth is it doesn't matter, because they're 2-0 anyway. DeAngelo Williams (15) still seems to be on pace from last year; Peyton Manning (20) threw a couple of huge bombs yesterday; and Vincent Jackson (20) is clearly the top receiving option so far in San Diego's powerful offense. So while the Giants weren't setting any records for scoring this weekend, they did enough to beat a Warriors team that saw Michael Turner (15) return to form and Calvin Johnson (13) score his first touchdown of the season, but did little else to claim victory. I should note that I foresaw all of the things mentioned in the previous paragraph in my Week 2 P&P.
You Got Got (150) defeats Wild Stallions (103)
So Michael Toobin may not have set any records this week, but Joe Colly did. You Got Got's 149.90 point performance is, by a mere .14 points, the highest single week in NBD history. (Technically, I only went back as far as '07, but since we used a scoring system that regularly put teams in the 40s and 50s before that, I think it's a safe assumption.) The Getters were led, of course, by this week's fantasy behemoth, Chris Johnson (46 pts). CJ was an absolute beast in this one, scoring on a 57-yard touchdown run and 69-yard touchdown reception in the first quarter alone. We're lucky he didn't maintain that pace and post a Chamberlainesque 100 on the day. On a quiet day from this team's supposed stud (MJD had 8 points), the rest of Colly's squad rallied around Johnson, with contributions from Marques Colston (22), Matt Ryan (20), Lawrence Tynes (15), and Owen Daniels (13).
I would be remiss if I didn't point out that DeYoung's Stallions actually had a good day in the loss, out-scoring all but three other NBD teams. Leading the way was Willis McGahee's surprising resurgence as the top option in the Baltimore running game (21 pts). Perhaps reports of Ray Rice's ascension to the fantasy elite were premature (which is unfortunate for me). Also taking over lead rushing duties was Knowshon Moreno (10 pts) for Denver, which makes DeYoung's decision to trade him away this week all the more surprising. I get that Deezer has extra quarterbacks to deal, and I can see him wanting RB help with Pierre Thomas yet to show that he can recapture last season's late run. But to trade away a top QB like Philip Rivers and arguably the most promising rookie RB before you've seen what he's really capable of, I would need to be getting a lot back in return. Fred Jackson has certainly been great so far this year, and I don't think he'll lose his job to Marshawn Lynch when he returns, but I do think he'll lose some carries, especially around the goal line where Lynch can do his "Beast Mode" thing. To me, it's a very questionable decision. I won't pass judgement 'til we see what comes of it, but I'd love to hear Deezer's justification (perhaps in the Comments? Is that too much to ask?)
Two more games to go. Mañana.
(That's right, I figured out how to do tildes. HTML, bitches!)
Burke City Giants (85) defeat Woody's Warriors (77)
After only two weeks, it's very early to be drawing conclusions on any teams, but after Burke City's pedestrian victory here in Week 2, we can at least say that the pre-season Superteam is looking somewhat mortal. Tom Brady clearly hasn't rounded back into form yet, which is limiting the production of Randy Moss (2 pts - and I should note that the absence of Wes Welker didn't help). Steve Slaton, who was supposed to be such a steal in the 12th round, has actually produced like a 12th-rounder (3 pts last week, 6 this week). Could it be that Michael Toobin's team is not the juggernaut we all thought it was? Well, the truth is it doesn't matter, because they're 2-0 anyway. DeAngelo Williams (15) still seems to be on pace from last year; Peyton Manning (20) threw a couple of huge bombs yesterday; and Vincent Jackson (20) is clearly the top receiving option so far in San Diego's powerful offense. So while the Giants weren't setting any records for scoring this weekend, they did enough to beat a Warriors team that saw Michael Turner (15) return to form and Calvin Johnson (13) score his first touchdown of the season, but did little else to claim victory. I should note that I foresaw all of the things mentioned in the previous paragraph in my Week 2 P&P.
You Got Got (150) defeats Wild Stallions (103)
So Michael Toobin may not have set any records this week, but Joe Colly did. You Got Got's 149.90 point performance is, by a mere .14 points, the highest single week in NBD history. (Technically, I only went back as far as '07, but since we used a scoring system that regularly put teams in the 40s and 50s before that, I think it's a safe assumption.) The Getters were led, of course, by this week's fantasy behemoth, Chris Johnson (46 pts). CJ was an absolute beast in this one, scoring on a 57-yard touchdown run and 69-yard touchdown reception in the first quarter alone. We're lucky he didn't maintain that pace and post a Chamberlainesque 100 on the day. On a quiet day from this team's supposed stud (MJD had 8 points), the rest of Colly's squad rallied around Johnson, with contributions from Marques Colston (22), Matt Ryan (20), Lawrence Tynes (15), and Owen Daniels (13).
I would be remiss if I didn't point out that DeYoung's Stallions actually had a good day in the loss, out-scoring all but three other NBD teams. Leading the way was Willis McGahee's surprising resurgence as the top option in the Baltimore running game (21 pts). Perhaps reports of Ray Rice's ascension to the fantasy elite were premature (which is unfortunate for me). Also taking over lead rushing duties was Knowshon Moreno (10 pts) for Denver, which makes DeYoung's decision to trade him away this week all the more surprising. I get that Deezer has extra quarterbacks to deal, and I can see him wanting RB help with Pierre Thomas yet to show that he can recapture last season's late run. But to trade away a top QB like Philip Rivers and arguably the most promising rookie RB before you've seen what he's really capable of, I would need to be getting a lot back in return. Fred Jackson has certainly been great so far this year, and I don't think he'll lose his job to Marshawn Lynch when he returns, but I do think he'll lose some carries, especially around the goal line where Lynch can do his "Beast Mode" thing. To me, it's a very questionable decision. I won't pass judgement 'til we see what comes of it, but I'd love to hear Deezer's justification (perhaps in the Comments? Is that too much to ask?)
Two more games to go. Mañana.
(That's right, I figured out how to do tildes. HTML, bitches!)
BIFL - Week 2 Review A
It's official: Soutendijk is at the top of the Biffle rankings, and my world has come crashing down. Let's find out how this atrocity has come to pass:
Alligator Fuckhouse (83) defeats Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (71)
OK, maybe it's not as bad as we think. Souts was not actually very dominant this week (as he admittedly was against me last week), he just had a decent day against an opponent who couldn't get it going. For the second week in a row, Freddie Jackson (18 pts) told Steve "You are my lady."
I become more and more curious as to what (if anything) is going to happen when Marshawn Lynch gets back. Jackson is clearly successful as a #1 back; I can't really imagine a team giving up on that. On the Chapter 4 finale of "Greek" that I watched last night, Max comes back from a month-long absence, ready to take things with Casey to the next level. But the time away has shown Casey that the feelings she has for Max, though strong, will never equal the magic she felt from Cappy. Forced to choose, Casey opts for Cappy, who shockingly rejects Casey (for her own good?). In the end, no one comes away happy. Is something similar in store for Lynch (Max), Jackson (Cappy), and the Bills (Casey)? I can't wait to find out.
What am I supposed to be writing about again? Oh yeah, fantasy football: Andre's team ate it this week, with only Turl Owens (14) reaching double figures. It had to be frustrating for Dre watching Eli Manning rack up 23 points on his bench in Sunday night's game, while starter Tony Romo settled for a measly 9. That difference would have won the game for the Rodents.
Cholish Chachfaces (132) defeat FUBAR (77)
I predicted a high-scoring, close match-up in this game. Well, it wasn't close at all, and only one team was high-scoring, so I guess that makes me about 25% correct. Drew Brees (24 pts) delivered his standard performance, but no one else on the FUBAR squad really came to play (at this point, Spence needs more than a 12-point day from Calvin Johnson for his team to be successful). Brian Westbrook, who I had projected to run wild on the Saints' D, instead got back into mid-season form by suffering a mild injury that limited his production (this time, a sprained ankle). Spence should be encouraged, though, by another strong performance from Darren Sproles (24), who will presumably step into the starting line-up next week.
The Chaches' 132 was not the highest score of the week, but it was arguably the most impressive as it was not built on a ridiculous 53-point day from one guy (as my 140-point day was). Great, balanced attack from Markus' squad, featuring Vincent Jackson (24), Marion Barber (23), Ben Roethlisberger (16), Nate Kaeding (14), and Owen Daniels (13). It seems like years now that fantasy talking heads have been hyping V-Jax as the next big thing, but after two solid weeks I wonder if maybe this is the year that Rivers-Jackson steps up into the combo position previously occupied by Cutler-Marshall and Brady-Moss.
Keep checking back: more re-caps (and, hopefully, Freddie Jackson videos) on the way.
Alligator Fuckhouse (83) defeats Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (71)
OK, maybe it's not as bad as we think. Souts was not actually very dominant this week (as he admittedly was against me last week), he just had a decent day against an opponent who couldn't get it going. For the second week in a row, Freddie Jackson (18 pts) told Steve "You are my lady."
I become more and more curious as to what (if anything) is going to happen when Marshawn Lynch gets back. Jackson is clearly successful as a #1 back; I can't really imagine a team giving up on that. On the Chapter 4 finale of "Greek" that I watched last night, Max comes back from a month-long absence, ready to take things with Casey to the next level. But the time away has shown Casey that the feelings she has for Max, though strong, will never equal the magic she felt from Cappy. Forced to choose, Casey opts for Cappy, who shockingly rejects Casey (for her own good?). In the end, no one comes away happy. Is something similar in store for Lynch (Max), Jackson (Cappy), and the Bills (Casey)? I can't wait to find out.
What am I supposed to be writing about again? Oh yeah, fantasy football: Andre's team ate it this week, with only Turl Owens (14) reaching double figures. It had to be frustrating for Dre watching Eli Manning rack up 23 points on his bench in Sunday night's game, while starter Tony Romo settled for a measly 9. That difference would have won the game for the Rodents.
Cholish Chachfaces (132) defeat FUBAR (77)
I predicted a high-scoring, close match-up in this game. Well, it wasn't close at all, and only one team was high-scoring, so I guess that makes me about 25% correct. Drew Brees (24 pts) delivered his standard performance, but no one else on the FUBAR squad really came to play (at this point, Spence needs more than a 12-point day from Calvin Johnson for his team to be successful). Brian Westbrook, who I had projected to run wild on the Saints' D, instead got back into mid-season form by suffering a mild injury that limited his production (this time, a sprained ankle). Spence should be encouraged, though, by another strong performance from Darren Sproles (24), who will presumably step into the starting line-up next week.
The Chaches' 132 was not the highest score of the week, but it was arguably the most impressive as it was not built on a ridiculous 53-point day from one guy (as my 140-point day was). Great, balanced attack from Markus' squad, featuring Vincent Jackson (24), Marion Barber (23), Ben Roethlisberger (16), Nate Kaeding (14), and Owen Daniels (13). It seems like years now that fantasy talking heads have been hyping V-Jax as the next big thing, but after two solid weeks I wonder if maybe this is the year that Rivers-Jackson steps up into the combo position previously occupied by Cutler-Marshall and Brady-Moss.
Keep checking back: more re-caps (and, hopefully, Freddie Jackson videos) on the way.
NBD - Week 2 Review A
Surreptitiously using my (new) roommate's computer today thanks to my wireless not working, so no fancy introduction. Just diving right in:
Sweaty Empanadas (102) defeats Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (86)
I missed last night's Colts- Dolphins game (again, a byproduct of new roommates and no cable hook-up in my room yet), but apparently Ronnie Brown had quite a night. Papkin's boys came into the night down by nine to Koehler, but it took Ronnie about a quarter to close that gap, and he spent the rest of the game widening the margin of victory (Brown had 26 points in all). In the other night game, Marion Barber also came through for the Empanadas, scoring 22 points before suffering a strained quadricep (quadriceps? I'm not sure, that might be one of those words were the singular has an "s"). MRLD had a quiet week, with only Kurt Warner (17) surpassing the 12-point mark. A slim day was to be expected from Steven Jackson, but Koehler (and Skins fans everywhere) must be disappointed in Clinton Portis' inability to score a touchdown on the heinous Rams. I watched that game in a crowded bar at a table of four Skins fans, and I think our waitress (angling for a tip) was more excited about the Skins' victory than we were. God, that was ugly.
Bartelby (108) defeats I'm at the Pizza Hut (89)
Despite a 46-point lead headed into Monday night, my dad texted me worried after the start of last night's game, when Peyton Manning and Dallas Clark (a Pizza Hut employee) connected for an 80-yard touchdown on the first play of the game. That prompted this text to his opponent at halftime: "Elliott, It is my sincere hope that Dallas Clark gets constipated at halftime and Reggie Wayne develops diarrhea. If not, you may poop all over me. All of Charlotte is hoping for the Miami ground game -- Ray T"
I'm not even sure I understand that correctly, but I think when you've got your police chief father texting your business school friend about various gastro-intestinal disorders, and raising the possibility of being pooped on, you're doing something right as a commissioner. (I also wonder whether my dad was aware of Elliott's own recent GItrack tract issues, which raise the level of humor on this immeasurably.) Fortunately, Bartelby proved to be too lofty to be shat upon, thanks to the considerable efforts of Frank Gore (37) and David Garrard (19), who justified his position as a keeper, at least for one week.
Further recaps forthcoming later in the day if I can get my own internet working.
Sweaty Empanadas (102) defeats Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (86)
I missed last night's Colts- Dolphins game (again, a byproduct of new roommates and no cable hook-up in my room yet), but apparently Ronnie Brown had quite a night. Papkin's boys came into the night down by nine to Koehler, but it took Ronnie about a quarter to close that gap, and he spent the rest of the game widening the margin of victory (Brown had 26 points in all). In the other night game, Marion Barber also came through for the Empanadas, scoring 22 points before suffering a strained quadricep (quadriceps? I'm not sure, that might be one of those words were the singular has an "s"). MRLD had a quiet week, with only Kurt Warner (17) surpassing the 12-point mark. A slim day was to be expected from Steven Jackson, but Koehler (and Skins fans everywhere) must be disappointed in Clinton Portis' inability to score a touchdown on the heinous Rams. I watched that game in a crowded bar at a table of four Skins fans, and I think our waitress (angling for a tip) was more excited about the Skins' victory than we were. God, that was ugly.
Bartelby (108) defeats I'm at the Pizza Hut (89)
Despite a 46-point lead headed into Monday night, my dad texted me worried after the start of last night's game, when Peyton Manning and Dallas Clark (a Pizza Hut employee) connected for an 80-yard touchdown on the first play of the game. That prompted this text to his opponent at halftime: "Elliott, It is my sincere hope that Dallas Clark gets constipated at halftime and Reggie Wayne develops diarrhea. If not, you may poop all over me. All of Charlotte is hoping for the Miami ground game -- Ray T"
I'm not even sure I understand that correctly, but I think when you've got your police chief father texting your business school friend about various gastro-intestinal disorders, and raising the possibility of being pooped on, you're doing something right as a commissioner. (I also wonder whether my dad was aware of Elliott's own recent GI
Further recaps forthcoming later in the day if I can get my own internet working.
9.19.2009
BIFL - Week 2 Previews & Predictions
Let's dig in to some Week 2 match-ups, keeping in mind what we've learned from this week's rivalries post:
Alligator Fuckhouse (1-0) vs. Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (1-0)
Historically, the Fuckhouse franchise has the edge here, but Andre's ineptitude was mostly in the face of Schank ownership, and Souts has yet to establish the dominance that Illadelphia Eagles and Bardois Sucks at Frolf fans had come to expect. This year's match-up has the distinct odor of fanciness, with the two prettiest quarterbacks in the league, Tom Brady and Tony Romo, at play. The fanciness continues with the Rodents' Willie Parker, whom CBSSporst.com reports has "tender hamstrings." Hamstring injuries are common in the NFL, but this is the first time I can recall a player being described as "tender." Doesn't bode well for Andre, who has never been accused of being tender. Then again, Souts has never been called "rugged," but I still tip this one to Alligator Fuckhouse.
I'm in love with this new jumping technology I've discovered, so to read the rest of the predictions you'll have to click below.
Alligator Fuckhouse (1-0) vs. Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (1-0)
Historically, the Fuckhouse franchise has the edge here, but Andre's ineptitude was mostly in the face of Schank ownership, and Souts has yet to establish the dominance that Illadelphia Eagles and Bardois Sucks at Frolf fans had come to expect. This year's match-up has the distinct odor of fanciness, with the two prettiest quarterbacks in the league, Tom Brady and Tony Romo, at play. The fanciness continues with the Rodents' Willie Parker, whom CBSSporst.com reports has "tender hamstrings." Hamstring injuries are common in the NFL, but this is the first time I can recall a player being described as "tender." Doesn't bode well for Andre, who has never been accused of being tender. Then again, Souts has never been called "rugged," but I still tip this one to Alligator Fuckhouse.
I'm in love with this new jumping technology I've discovered, so to read the rest of the predictions you'll have to click below.
NBD - Week 2 Previews & Predictions
I'm moving in to my new apartment today. With an empty room in a new apartment, the world seems full of possibilities. It's a clean slate! I can be whoever I want to be! This is gonna be the coolest apartment I've ever had! Then the upacking begins, and as box after box is emptied, and all the same sorry shit you've been carting around for years begins to populate the room, you realize that this is just your old aparment in a different location and configuration.
The same thing happens when you've had a shitty Week 1. OK, you think, we're off to a slow start, but you can't judge anything by one week, right? It's probably just a coincidence that all my guys laid eggs last week; that just means that this week they'll probably all go big! Right?!? Then you look at your roster, and it's the same old shitters on there. Let's see what we've got on tap after the jump (click the "Read More" button).
The same thing happens when you've had a shitty Week 1. OK, you think, we're off to a slow start, but you can't judge anything by one week, right? It's probably just a coincidence that all my guys laid eggs last week; that just means that this week they'll probably all go big! Right?!? Then you look at your roster, and it's the same old shitters on there. Let's see what we've got on tap after the jump (click the "Read More" button).
9.18.2009
BIFL - Historical Rivals
Last week was "Rivalry Week" over in the Uberleague, Will's shoddy imitation of BIFL featuring mostly washed-up DTDers of the class of '00 and '01. Will selected the rivalries mostly by pitting people who were close friends against each other (himself against Bernier, me against Bardey, Joe against Trey, etc.) We did something similar a few years back in BIFL, when Doit and I still lived together and could work into the wee hours of the night (for Bardey, 10pm) discussing possible permutations of the schedule, though ours was more geographically based. But during Week 1, as I was watching the Giants take on the Redskins, and the Bears face the Packers, and the Chargers against the Raiders, it occured to me that real rivalries emerge from shared histories. Those clubs have played each other dozens of times. They've met in the playoffs, with huge stakes on the line. They've alternated periods of dominance over each other, with their fans having to live through years of abuse at the hands of the winning team's supporters. History is what builds rivalries.
With that in mind, I decided to delve into the history of our match-ups here in BIFL. We've been at it five years now, and some legitimate rivalries should be emerging. But you might be surprised at what they are. The results of my research... after the jump.
(Oh shit Sovic figured out how to do the "after the jump" thing!)
With that in mind, I decided to delve into the history of our match-ups here in BIFL. We've been at it five years now, and some legitimate rivalries should be emerging. But you might be surprised at what they are. The results of my research... after the jump.
(Oh shit Sovic figured out how to do the "after the jump" thing!)
9.17.2009
BIFL - Week 1 Review C
Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.
If you're just tuning in, don't miss Week 1 Part A and Part B.
I'm Here for the Gangbang (96) defeats the Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (79)
Occasionally I like to troll the scoreboards on a Monday afternoon, see which games are likely to be affected by the Monday Night Football game, and declare the one most up for grabs... the Monday Night Match-Up(!). This designation carries no weight. It's probably noticed by one or two people, if that. It raises my level of anticipation from slight to modest. But it makes me feel good to give things titles, and when I capitalize things, in my head it sounds like Don Pardo is reading it. And thus: the Monday Night Match-Up. This week's MNMU featured (I Now Pronounce You) Chuck and Dick. After Sunday, it was a tight contest at 71 - 69.5. That slight edge was held by Chuck after a 17-point day from Matt Ryan, 16 each from Frank Gore and Roy Williams, and an amazing 12 IDP points from Osi Umenyiora. Dick had answered with a strong IDP of his own in London Fletcher (10 pts), and decent efforts from DeAngelo Williams (13), Kurt Warner (11), and Hines Ward (10). So the MNMU (or "menomuna") came down to Chuck's Randy Moss and Stephen Gostkowski against Dick's LaDainian Tomlinson. Unfortunately, as Bardey pointed out on the smackboard, this ain't 2006. Randy Moss is no longer turd burgling in Oakland, and LaDainian Tomlinson is no longer Superman. So Dick got pasted. Next time I lay a menomuna on you guys, it better be fucking better than this.
Juse and the Argonauts (76) defeat Pet Monkey (64)
On Sunday morning, I predicted that this face-off would be unexciting, and it was. I also posed a number of questions that were raised by the match-up. Here is what I came up with: late 2008; so far, yes; doesn't look like it - maybe the receivers do matter; eh - not yet, but maybe getting there; yes, indeed, Cedric Benson; nailed it anyway.
Aaron Rodgers (16) had a pretty good day for Juse. I wish he were my quarterback. Cedric Benson (16) had a pretty good day for Billy. I still don't wish he were my running back. But I might, in a couple weeks.
So that's it for the Week 1 wrap-up.
With this being the fifth anniversary of the opening season of the modern BIFL, as well as the last season of the '00s, and with me having a lot of time on my hands, I've been working on some historical shit. The first of that will be coming out in a couple days, and then I'll be doing Previews & Predictions for Week 2, so keep your eyes peeled.
If you're just tuning in, don't miss Week 1 Part A and Part B.
I'm Here for the Gangbang (96) defeats the Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (79)
Occasionally I like to troll the scoreboards on a Monday afternoon, see which games are likely to be affected by the Monday Night Football game, and declare the one most up for grabs... the Monday Night Match-Up(!). This designation carries no weight. It's probably noticed by one or two people, if that. It raises my level of anticipation from slight to modest. But it makes me feel good to give things titles, and when I capitalize things, in my head it sounds like Don Pardo is reading it. And thus: the Monday Night Match-Up. This week's MNMU featured (I Now Pronounce You) Chuck and Dick. After Sunday, it was a tight contest at 71 - 69.5. That slight edge was held by Chuck after a 17-point day from Matt Ryan, 16 each from Frank Gore and Roy Williams, and an amazing 12 IDP points from Osi Umenyiora. Dick had answered with a strong IDP of his own in London Fletcher (10 pts), and decent efforts from DeAngelo Williams (13), Kurt Warner (11), and Hines Ward (10). So the MNMU (or "menomuna") came down to Chuck's Randy Moss and Stephen Gostkowski against Dick's LaDainian Tomlinson. Unfortunately, as Bardey pointed out on the smackboard, this ain't 2006. Randy Moss is no longer turd burgling in Oakland, and LaDainian Tomlinson is no longer Superman. So Dick got pasted. Next time I lay a menomuna on you guys, it better be fucking better than this.
Juse and the Argonauts (76) defeat Pet Monkey (64)
On Sunday morning, I predicted that this face-off would be unexciting, and it was. I also posed a number of questions that were raised by the match-up. Here is what I came up with: late 2008; so far, yes; doesn't look like it - maybe the receivers do matter; eh - not yet, but maybe getting there; yes, indeed, Cedric Benson; nailed it anyway.
Aaron Rodgers (16) had a pretty good day for Juse. I wish he were my quarterback. Cedric Benson (16) had a pretty good day for Billy. I still don't wish he were my running back. But I might, in a couple weeks.
So that's it for the Week 1 wrap-up.
With this being the fifth anniversary of the opening season of the modern BIFL, as well as the last season of the '00s, and with me having a lot of time on my hands, I've been working on some historical shit. The first of that will be coming out in a couple days, and then I'll be doing Previews & Predictions for Week 2, so keep your eyes peeled.
9.16.2009
NBD - Week 1 Review C
Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.
For the first four game reviews of Week 1, click here (Part A) and here (Part B)
Deuceburger (88) defeats Kiss the Baby (83)
Five points from your receivers. Six points from your quarterback. Three points from your RB2. These are not the building blocks to a championship fantasy squad. But one monster day (or in this case, All Day) can erase all that, and thankfully for Kex, Adrian Peterson is that monster. His 38 points were 18 more than any other single player in this game, and 25 more than his closest teammate, Darren Sproles. (By the way, considering that LaDainian Tomlinson has suffered yet another ticky-tack early-season injury, that Sproles pick could pay off bigtime for Manning). Haller also got a pleasantly surprising performance from a supposed back-up, as Fred Jackson's 20 points led his team in scoring. Jackson looked good, too, so one has to wonder if he'll do enough in the next two weeks to keep his job once Marshawn Lynch returns. Derek, beware.
Burke City Giants (112) defeat I'm at the Pizza Hut (92)
Predictably, the early-season favorite Burke City Giants took this contest (from his own son! heartless!) and the title of top scorer for Week 1. But the source of that dominance was unexpected. Sure, Peyton Manning (15), Randy Moss (14), and DeAngelo Williams (14) were all solid, but they were ably met by Elliott's big horses. Tom Brady (23) and Reggie Wayne (22) were as good as advertised, but they just couldn't stand up to the fantasy juggernaut that is The Defense That's Playing Jake Delhomme. Michael's Philadelphia Eagles' D scored a whopping 35 points, 19 more than the next-best defense. In previous seasons, I have seen people employ the strategy of rotating their defenses based on poor opponents, but as long as John Fox sticks with Jake Delhomme, I'm considering using the Panthers' opponents every week. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart may run crazy on us, but at least I'll know we're guaranteed 5-8 interceptions.
That wraps up Week 1. With a lot of surprisingly good performances from players I thought to be lousy, and several lousy performances from those I thought to be good, I'm certainly curious to see where this goes as the season continues. Check back in later this week as I'll continue to make boldy stupid predictions.
For the first four game reviews of Week 1, click here (Part A) and here (Part B)
Deuceburger (88) defeats Kiss the Baby (83)
Five points from your receivers. Six points from your quarterback. Three points from your RB2. These are not the building blocks to a championship fantasy squad. But one monster day (or in this case, All Day) can erase all that, and thankfully for Kex, Adrian Peterson is that monster. His 38 points were 18 more than any other single player in this game, and 25 more than his closest teammate, Darren Sproles. (By the way, considering that LaDainian Tomlinson has suffered yet another ticky-tack early-season injury, that Sproles pick could pay off bigtime for Manning). Haller also got a pleasantly surprising performance from a supposed back-up, as Fred Jackson's 20 points led his team in scoring. Jackson looked good, too, so one has to wonder if he'll do enough in the next two weeks to keep his job once Marshawn Lynch returns. Derek, beware.
Burke City Giants (112) defeat I'm at the Pizza Hut (92)
Predictably, the early-season favorite Burke City Giants took this contest (from his own son! heartless!) and the title of top scorer for Week 1. But the source of that dominance was unexpected. Sure, Peyton Manning (15), Randy Moss (14), and DeAngelo Williams (14) were all solid, but they were ably met by Elliott's big horses. Tom Brady (23) and Reggie Wayne (22) were as good as advertised, but they just couldn't stand up to the fantasy juggernaut that is The Defense That's Playing Jake Delhomme. Michael's Philadelphia Eagles' D scored a whopping 35 points, 19 more than the next-best defense. In previous seasons, I have seen people employ the strategy of rotating their defenses based on poor opponents, but as long as John Fox sticks with Jake Delhomme, I'm considering using the Panthers' opponents every week. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart may run crazy on us, but at least I'll know we're guaranteed 5-8 interceptions.
That wraps up Week 1. With a lot of surprisingly good performances from players I thought to be lousy, and several lousy performances from those I thought to be good, I'm certainly curious to see where this goes as the season continues. Check back in later this week as I'll continue to make boldy stupid predictions.
9.15.2009
BIFL - Week 1 Review B
Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.
If you haven't checked Part A yet, click here.
I saw the movie "9" today, and let me just say that if you love sock puppets, the show "Destroy! Build! Destroy!" featuring Andrew WK, and the apocalypse, this is the film for you. I don't want to give too much away, but it involves the last human on earth imbuing these little ragdoll creations of his with life. Not unlike the way I use this blog to bring life to the empty tallying of numbers and statistics that is fantasy football. Segue!
Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (87) defeat Cholish Chachfaces (75)
In my Week 1 Previews and Predictions, I noted that "Tony Romo should have no problem carving up the no-longer-fearsome Tampa 2;" "Larry Fitzgerald will almost certainly get the better of Josh Morgan in their receiver match-up;" and predicted that the Chargers run game would be more successful than the air attack. Well, Romo romped to 34 points, Fitzgerald scored 13.5 points to Josh Morgan's 3, and Darren Sproles and LaDainian Tomlinson combined for 23 points, the same as Mark's combo of Philip Rivers and Vincent Jackson. Now, I admit that those weren't terribly bold or against-the-grain predictions, but in light of all the players I accuse of sucking who routinely prove me wrong, I wanted to point out that I am occasionally right. Beyond Romo and Fitgerald, only Dustin Keller (10.5 pts) really contributed for the Rodents this week, but considering the uniform mediocrity on the Chachface side of things, that was enough to get it done. Mark has to be worried about Steve Smith (3 pts), who is undoubtedly one of the most talented receivers in the game, but who is currently catching passes from a guy playing some absolutely atrocious football. Here's hoping Delhomme can either find his way, or the Panthers can find somebody to replace him.
Merriman's Bitch Chokers (134) defeat Chip Lohmiller (103)
I have long been on record as an Adrian Peterson hater. Coming into the league, I thought he was going to be an injury-prone bust, and fantasy-wise, he's been owned by Will in BIFL and Elliott in NBD, and those are the two owners whose teams I love to hate the most. We're entering year 3 of the Peterson era, and I still hate him, but now I hate him more like I hate LeBron James and hated Michael Jordan: he's just too fucking good. In this run on Sunday
he appears to be angry at #24 Eric Wright not for trying to tackle him, which was basically a lost cause, but for thinking that he might be able to tackle him. He's so mad, in fact, that he turns around and needlessly slows down to punch #22 Brandon McDonald in the face before streaking ahead for a touchdown. This fucker is so mean. We get it, AP, or AD, or whatever. You're good. You don't have to be a dick about it.
OK my little Peterson tirade means that I'll just briefly mention that the rest of Will's team was really good this week, too, with Greg Jennings (22), John Carlson (21), Peyton Manning (16), and Cadillac Williams (15) all chipping in on Week 1's high score. Chalski, in a losing effort, got very respectable days from Reggie Wayne (24.5) and Maurice Jones-Drew (17). From my perch at Off the Wagon (NYC's Cheapest Sports Bar!) I got to see a lot of that Jags-Colts game, and I will tell you this: Reggie looked good, making plenty of athletic, line-dancing catches, and MoJo appeared to be either running or receiving the ball on roughly 90% of Jacksonville's offensive downs. If that guy's still alive come Week 10, I'll be shocked.
Two more games to go in tomorrow's Part C.
If you haven't checked Part A yet, click here.
I saw the movie "9" today, and let me just say that if you love sock puppets, the show "Destroy! Build! Destroy!" featuring Andrew WK, and the apocalypse, this is the film for you. I don't want to give too much away, but it involves the last human on earth imbuing these little ragdoll creations of his with life. Not unlike the way I use this blog to bring life to the empty tallying of numbers and statistics that is fantasy football. Segue!
Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (87) defeat Cholish Chachfaces (75)
In my Week 1 Previews and Predictions, I noted that "Tony Romo should have no problem carving up the no-longer-fearsome Tampa 2;" "Larry Fitzgerald will almost certainly get the better of Josh Morgan in their receiver match-up;" and predicted that the Chargers run game would be more successful than the air attack. Well, Romo romped to 34 points, Fitzgerald scored 13.5 points to Josh Morgan's 3, and Darren Sproles and LaDainian Tomlinson combined for 23 points, the same as Mark's combo of Philip Rivers and Vincent Jackson. Now, I admit that those weren't terribly bold or against-the-grain predictions, but in light of all the players I accuse of sucking who routinely prove me wrong, I wanted to point out that I am occasionally right. Beyond Romo and Fitgerald, only Dustin Keller (10.5 pts) really contributed for the Rodents this week, but considering the uniform mediocrity on the Chachface side of things, that was enough to get it done. Mark has to be worried about Steve Smith (3 pts), who is undoubtedly one of the most talented receivers in the game, but who is currently catching passes from a guy playing some absolutely atrocious football. Here's hoping Delhomme can either find his way, or the Panthers can find somebody to replace him.
Merriman's Bitch Chokers (134) defeat Chip Lohmiller (103)
I have long been on record as an Adrian Peterson hater. Coming into the league, I thought he was going to be an injury-prone bust, and fantasy-wise, he's been owned by Will in BIFL and Elliott in NBD, and those are the two owners whose teams I love to hate the most. We're entering year 3 of the Peterson era, and I still hate him, but now I hate him more like I hate LeBron James and hated Michael Jordan: he's just too fucking good. In this run on Sunday
he appears to be angry at #24 Eric Wright not for trying to tackle him, which was basically a lost cause, but for thinking that he might be able to tackle him. He's so mad, in fact, that he turns around and needlessly slows down to punch #22 Brandon McDonald in the face before streaking ahead for a touchdown. This fucker is so mean. We get it, AP, or AD, or whatever. You're good. You don't have to be a dick about it.
OK my little Peterson tirade means that I'll just briefly mention that the rest of Will's team was really good this week, too, with Greg Jennings (22), John Carlson (21), Peyton Manning (16), and Cadillac Williams (15) all chipping in on Week 1's high score. Chalski, in a losing effort, got very respectable days from Reggie Wayne (24.5) and Maurice Jones-Drew (17). From my perch at Off the Wagon (NYC's Cheapest Sports Bar!) I got to see a lot of that Jags-Colts game, and I will tell you this: Reggie looked good, making plenty of athletic, line-dancing catches, and MoJo appeared to be either running or receiving the ball on roughly 90% of Jacksonville's offensive downs. If that guy's still alive come Week 10, I'll be shocked.
Two more games to go in tomorrow's Part C.
NBD - Week 1 Review B
Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.
If you haven't read Part A yet, click here.
Two unexpectedly tight, down-to-the-last minute games last night, though I admit that after Thursday night football, all day and night Sunday football, and the nail-biting Bills-Pats game, fatigue had set in for me by the second half of Raiders-Chargers. I suspect many, if not all, of you were already fast asleep by the time the game ended, sometime around 1:45am. If so, you missed not only some exciting NFL action, but some down-to-the-wire NBD action as well. None was closer than...
Wild Stallions (93) defeat Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (92)
Closing with a 14-point performance from the Green Bay defense, Koehler came out of the weekend with an 18-point advantage over DeYoung. With Philip Rivers and Nate Kaeding going in the late game, the Stallions had reason to feel confident, but not certain. That uncertainty must have heightened as the Raiders somewhat dominated the time of possession, giving the Chargers offense little opportunity to overtake the dog-lovers. Finally, though, the supposedly most-talented offense in the league rose to the occasion, driving in the fourth quarter to lead the Chargers, and the Stallions, to victory.
Also of note in this match-up were Koehler's Cedric Benson (17 pts) and DeYoung's Willis McGahee (20 pts), two rushers given up for dead by this blog who showed they're not quite done yet.
The Death Panel (95) defeats Woody's Warriors (88)
Though it also came down to Monday night, this contest wasn't nearly as dramatic as the last. Woody needed about 14 points out of his favorite early-round draftee, Antonio Gates. Unfortunately for him, Gates fell short (8 pts) and the Death Panel earned the victory. Thanks are due in enormous part to Drew Brees, whose 37 points constituted nearly 40% of DP scoring this week. I guess that answers my question about whether it was worth it to use a 2nd-round pick on him. The bad news for me in this one is that most of Woody's losing roster (Donovan McNabb, Calvin Johnson, Torry Holt, Michael Turner) are my players in other leagues. I did not do well this week.
A-Town Starbuckers (98) defeat You Got Got (91)
A (distant) second to Drew Brees in quarterback scoring this week was Tony Romo, whose early draft selection I similarly questioned. Romo proved me wrong to the tune of 26 points this week, enough to lead his Starbucker team to victory over You Got Got. Like his mascot, Big Brother's Jeff, Colly's team was ambushed before he could even get to the final, with A-Town's Santonio Holmes (19 pts) out-scoring Chris Johnson (6 pts) handily in the season opener. That was enough to overcome Derek's 0-fer from the WR2 position, as Anthony Gonzalez crumpled to the ground untouched early in the Colts-Jags game. One shudders to imagine what might happen if he were actually tackled at some point.
Your final two game re-caps will be posted tomorrow.
If you haven't read Part A yet, click here.
Two unexpectedly tight, down-to-the-last minute games last night, though I admit that after Thursday night football, all day and night Sunday football, and the nail-biting Bills-Pats game, fatigue had set in for me by the second half of Raiders-Chargers. I suspect many, if not all, of you were already fast asleep by the time the game ended, sometime around 1:45am. If so, you missed not only some exciting NFL action, but some down-to-the-wire NBD action as well. None was closer than...
Wild Stallions (93) defeat Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (92)
Closing with a 14-point performance from the Green Bay defense, Koehler came out of the weekend with an 18-point advantage over DeYoung. With Philip Rivers and Nate Kaeding going in the late game, the Stallions had reason to feel confident, but not certain. That uncertainty must have heightened as the Raiders somewhat dominated the time of possession, giving the Chargers offense little opportunity to overtake the dog-lovers. Finally, though, the supposedly most-talented offense in the league rose to the occasion, driving in the fourth quarter to lead the Chargers, and the Stallions, to victory.
Also of note in this match-up were Koehler's Cedric Benson (17 pts) and DeYoung's Willis McGahee (20 pts), two rushers given up for dead by this blog who showed they're not quite done yet.
The Death Panel (95) defeats Woody's Warriors (88)
Though it also came down to Monday night, this contest wasn't nearly as dramatic as the last. Woody needed about 14 points out of his favorite early-round draftee, Antonio Gates. Unfortunately for him, Gates fell short (8 pts) and the Death Panel earned the victory. Thanks are due in enormous part to Drew Brees, whose 37 points constituted nearly 40% of DP scoring this week. I guess that answers my question about whether it was worth it to use a 2nd-round pick on him. The bad news for me in this one is that most of Woody's losing roster (Donovan McNabb, Calvin Johnson, Torry Holt, Michael Turner) are my players in other leagues. I did not do well this week.
A-Town Starbuckers (98) defeat You Got Got (91)
A (distant) second to Drew Brees in quarterback scoring this week was Tony Romo, whose early draft selection I similarly questioned. Romo proved me wrong to the tune of 26 points this week, enough to lead his Starbucker team to victory over You Got Got. Like his mascot, Big Brother's Jeff, Colly's team was ambushed before he could even get to the final, with A-Town's Santonio Holmes (19 pts) out-scoring Chris Johnson (6 pts) handily in the season opener. That was enough to overcome Derek's 0-fer from the WR2 position, as Anthony Gonzalez crumpled to the ground untouched early in the Colts-Jags game. One shudders to imagine what might happen if he were actually tackled at some point.
Your final two game re-caps will be posted tomorrow.
9.14.2009
BIFL - Week 1 Review A
Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.
For those of you who haven't heard: I'm unemployed. My teaching certification expired this spring, and even though I fulfilled the requirements to re-new it this summer, New York City put on a hiring freeze for teachers, so my principal was unable to re-hire me. So now I'm out a job. Oh, and I'm homeless. My lease ran out at the end of august, and both my roommates moved back to DC. For the past week I've been crashing with Bost and Delconte (special thanks to them for being excellent - and largely absent - hosts). So my life is largely an empty, lifeless shell of what it was a few months ago. But all summer long, as my situation has become more and more hopeless, there has been one bright spot on the horizon. One lone ray of hope shining through the murk of despair: football season. And yesterday, at long last, it finally arrived. The results: the Skins lost to hated conference rivals, the Giants, and perhaps worse, my fantasy team lost to the awfulness that is Soutendijk. Fuck you, life. Fuck you very much.
Let's see who else has good reason to extend a long middle finger to the Lord above:
FU BAR (100+ 103.5) defeats Bardois Bourgeoisie (75)
Spencer's still got an IDP going tonight, but this one's already in the bag as Spence will only add to his already-sizable lead. Seems like a lot of the traditional, expected fantasy powerhouses came out flat in Week 1, and this contest was no exception. Bardey's top talents, Matt Forte and Andre Johnson, combined for 8.5 points, and Spencer's horse, Calvin Johnson, had a rather pedestrian 9 points. But at least one of 2008's fantasy monsters picked up where he left off last year, and then some. Drew Brees' six touchdowns were enough to give him a 40-point day. Normally relying on one player for 40% of your points would not be a good thing, but I feel confident that the Frogg (and Bardey, who owns Brees in the Uberleague, and I, who own him in NBD) would take that ratio every week if the New Orleans passing game keeps this up every week. Unfortunately, Brees can't take on the Lions every week, but if he can even approach last year's numbers, FU BAR should be in good shape.
Alligator Fuckhouse (71+ 122) defeats Ass-Ramming HotCocks (64)
Oh boy. Souts still has three big guns to go tonight (Tom Brady, Fred Jackson, Wes Welker), and already - unless those three combine for like 4 fumbles and no positive yardage - he's got me beat. This was a lousy week for the HotCocks, starting Chris Johnson's lackluster opening on Thursday night, and then continuing into Sunday, when John Clayton reported that Anquan Boldin would sit (he played, but only in a limited fashion) and then discovered that Kevin Walter was sitting as well, necessitating a last-minute iPhone substitution from the bar (thanks, Bardey). It didn't help. Boldin and Walter's replacements, Torry Holt and Austin Collie, gave me five big points, surpassed by my stud Michael Turner's massive six. Did I mention that Donovan McNabb broke a rib on Sunday? For those keeping track, that makes Boldin, Walter, McNabb, and Pierre Thomas all injured for me. Fuck. Meanwhile, Souts team was like a who's-who of guys who stand to make me look like an idiot. I called into question a lot of Souts' drafting decisions, and declared his keeper, Thomas Jones, "done." So, of course, Jones went for 26 and his little brother dropped 22 on the Fuckhouse bench. At this point, I'm looking for a huge night out of Brady-Welker so that at least I'll have lost to a strong opponent, and not just shitty old Soutendijk having a lucky week.
Check back in the next few days for the remaining BIFL Week 1 games.
For those of you who haven't heard: I'm unemployed. My teaching certification expired this spring, and even though I fulfilled the requirements to re-new it this summer, New York City put on a hiring freeze for teachers, so my principal was unable to re-hire me. So now I'm out a job. Oh, and I'm homeless. My lease ran out at the end of august, and both my roommates moved back to DC. For the past week I've been crashing with Bost and Delconte (special thanks to them for being excellent - and largely absent - hosts). So my life is largely an empty, lifeless shell of what it was a few months ago. But all summer long, as my situation has become more and more hopeless, there has been one bright spot on the horizon. One lone ray of hope shining through the murk of despair: football season. And yesterday, at long last, it finally arrived. The results: the Skins lost to hated conference rivals, the Giants, and perhaps worse, my fantasy team lost to the awfulness that is Soutendijk. Fuck you, life. Fuck you very much.
Let's see who else has good reason to extend a long middle finger to the Lord above:
FU BAR (
Spencer's still got an IDP going tonight, but this one's already in the bag as Spence will only add to his already-sizable lead. Seems like a lot of the traditional, expected fantasy powerhouses came out flat in Week 1, and this contest was no exception. Bardey's top talents, Matt Forte and Andre Johnson, combined for 8.5 points, and Spencer's horse, Calvin Johnson, had a rather pedestrian 9 points. But at least one of 2008's fantasy monsters picked up where he left off last year, and then some. Drew Brees' six touchdowns were enough to give him a 40-point day. Normally relying on one player for 40% of your points would not be a good thing, but I feel confident that the Frogg (and Bardey, who owns Brees in the Uberleague, and I, who own him in NBD) would take that ratio every week if the New Orleans passing game keeps this up every week. Unfortunately, Brees can't take on the Lions every week, but if he can even approach last year's numbers, FU BAR should be in good shape.
Alligator Fuckhouse (
Oh boy. Souts still has three big guns to go tonight (Tom Brady, Fred Jackson, Wes Welker), and already - unless those three combine for like 4 fumbles and no positive yardage - he's got me beat. This was a lousy week for the HotCocks, starting Chris Johnson's lackluster opening on Thursday night, and then continuing into Sunday, when John Clayton reported that Anquan Boldin would sit (he played, but only in a limited fashion) and then discovered that Kevin Walter was sitting as well, necessitating a last-minute iPhone substitution from the bar (thanks, Bardey). It didn't help. Boldin and Walter's replacements, Torry Holt and Austin Collie, gave me five big points, surpassed by my stud Michael Turner's massive six. Did I mention that Donovan McNabb broke a rib on Sunday? For those keeping track, that makes Boldin, Walter, McNabb, and Pierre Thomas all injured for me. Fuck. Meanwhile, Souts team was like a who's-who of guys who stand to make me look like an idiot. I called into question a lot of Souts' drafting decisions, and declared his keeper, Thomas Jones, "done." So, of course, Jones went for 26 and his little brother dropped 22 on the Fuckhouse bench. At this point, I'm looking for a huge night out of Brady-Welker so that at least I'll have lost to a strong opponent, and not just shitty old Soutendijk having a lucky week.
Check back in the next few days for the remaining BIFL Week 1 games.
NBD - Week 1 Review A
Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.
What is it about a full day of admiring some of the world's elite athletes that turns us into such complete gluttons? Here are some of the things I shoved into my mouthhole yesterday: coffee, beer, bacon cheeseburger sliders, beer, Irish car bombs (for the Dads and Elliott, that's a shot of Jameson dropped into a half-pint of Guinness), beer, cold pizza, pretzels, onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake. I've pooped no less than seven times since I got back from the sports bar yesterday, and I don't think I'm done yet. My asshole feels like a team of monkeys went to work with Brillo pads down there. Anal bleeding - and, similarly, the Redskins loss - aside, though, it was a wonderful first day of football (Thursday doesn't really count). We had career-best performances, dramatic endings, and unexpected breakouts. Let's see how it all affected the Native Burke Dwellers:
Bartelby (84) defeats No Fun League (62)
After a 12th-place finish in 2007 and an 11th-place finish in 2008, the Chief embarks on the 2009 season with 10th place firmly within his sights. He's off to a good start after this Week 1 victory over a team that will surely be duking it out with him for those bottom spots in the standings all season long: No Fun League. It must be No Fun indeed, fielding a team whose top receiver, Anquan Boldin, scored less than 2 points; whose kicker, Josh Brown, scored no points at all; whose Defense, the Bears, lost their anchor and top player to injury for the entire season; and whose tight end, Anthony Fasano, managed to score negative points. Bartelby, on the other hand, got off to a good start thanks to his (finally available) early-round talent, Frank Gore (17 pts), Ryan Grant (13 pts), and keeper Greg Jennings (19 pts). With an unexpectedly good contribution from Devin Hester (15 pts) and a bench that appears to have some start-worthy talent (John Carlson - 22 pts, Cadillac Williams - 16 pts), Ray J must be feeling bullish about 2009.
OK normally this season I'll be trying to do two game re-caps a day on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but with two Monday Night games featuring the fantasy-heavy Pats and Chargers, every other NBD game still has some fight left in it, so the rest of the slate will have to wait.
What is it about a full day of admiring some of the world's elite athletes that turns us into such complete gluttons? Here are some of the things I shoved into my mouthhole yesterday: coffee, beer, bacon cheeseburger sliders, beer, Irish car bombs (for the Dads and Elliott, that's a shot of Jameson dropped into a half-pint of Guinness), beer, cold pizza, pretzels, onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake. I've pooped no less than seven times since I got back from the sports bar yesterday, and I don't think I'm done yet. My asshole feels like a team of monkeys went to work with Brillo pads down there. Anal bleeding - and, similarly, the Redskins loss - aside, though, it was a wonderful first day of football (Thursday doesn't really count). We had career-best performances, dramatic endings, and unexpected breakouts. Let's see how it all affected the Native Burke Dwellers:
Bartelby (84) defeats No Fun League (62)
After a 12th-place finish in 2007 and an 11th-place finish in 2008, the Chief embarks on the 2009 season with 10th place firmly within his sights. He's off to a good start after this Week 1 victory over a team that will surely be duking it out with him for those bottom spots in the standings all season long: No Fun League. It must be No Fun indeed, fielding a team whose top receiver, Anquan Boldin, scored less than 2 points; whose kicker, Josh Brown, scored no points at all; whose Defense, the Bears, lost their anchor and top player to injury for the entire season; and whose tight end, Anthony Fasano, managed to score negative points. Bartelby, on the other hand, got off to a good start thanks to his (finally available) early-round talent, Frank Gore (17 pts), Ryan Grant (13 pts), and keeper Greg Jennings (19 pts). With an unexpectedly good contribution from Devin Hester (15 pts) and a bench that appears to have some start-worthy talent (John Carlson - 22 pts, Cadillac Williams - 16 pts), Ray J must be feeling bullish about 2009.
OK normally this season I'll be trying to do two game re-caps a day on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but with two Monday Night games featuring the fantasy-heavy Pats and Chargers, every other NBD game still has some fight left in it, so the rest of the slate will have to wait.
9.13.2009
BIFL - Week 1 Previews & Predictions
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9.12.2009
NBD - Week 1 Previews and Predictions
Git yaself ready for today with some preview action:
The Death Panel vs. Woody's Warriors
I foresee a good match, with the Saints-Lions game (featuring Sovic's Brees and Woody's Megatron) posed to deliver some big numbers to this one. Considering the relatively anemic performance of Woodrow's Thursday Night crew, though, I feel comfortable picking The Death Panel to win it.
A-Town Starbuckers vs. You Got Got
Presumably, the A-Town Starbuckers will get over how difficult it is to drop Jermichael Finley and pick up a kicker this morning. Even if they don't, though, Santonio Holmes bigtime Week 1 could probably make up for it. YGG's Chris Johnson, on the other hand, needs some back-up. Unfortunately, I don't think he's gonna get it. Advantage: Starbuckers
Kiss the Baby vs. Deuceburger
It's gonna be hard to determine a winner in this one, since both teams wear the same helmet and say the same things. I predict a slow start for both these teams this year, but one team has Adrian Peterson, and the other does not. That tilts it in favor of Deuceburger.
Burke City Giants vs. I'm at the Pizza Hut
Father and son collide in this opening week face-off of the Toobins. The elder Toobin's team is the pre-season juggernaut, making it hard to pick against them. Throw in the fact that Michael's Patriot twins (Moss & Welker) are lining up against the potentially woeful Buffalo Bills, and the choice is clear: Burke City
Bartelby vs. NoFunLeague
Well, NoFunLeague certainly got the better end of Pittsburgh's offense Thursday night, with Papkin's Big Ben and Hines Ward scoring ten times as many points as Ray's Willie Parker. That early advantage might be slightly undone if Anquan Boldin (questionable) doesn't play or is limited, but unless somebody (looking at you, Frank Gore) comes up with something big, I'm giving this one to the No Fun League.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs vs. Wild Stallions
Steven Jackson and Clinton Portis are two guys who could definitely break down later in the season. But this is Week 1, so they're probably okay for now. Their combined powers, plus the fact that a big Larry Fitz day for DeYoung will be automatically countered by a big Kurt Warner day for Koehler, means the edge in this one goes to Matt Ryan Loves Dogs.
Enjoy the games, and good luck to everyone but Sherwood, who can eat shit, choke on it, die, go to hell, and then spend the rest of eternity eating more shit.
The Death Panel vs. Woody's Warriors
I foresee a good match, with the Saints-Lions game (featuring Sovic's Brees and Woody's Megatron) posed to deliver some big numbers to this one. Considering the relatively anemic performance of Woodrow's Thursday Night crew, though, I feel comfortable picking The Death Panel to win it.
A-Town Starbuckers vs. You Got Got
Presumably, the A-Town Starbuckers will get over how difficult it is to drop Jermichael Finley and pick up a kicker this morning. Even if they don't, though, Santonio Holmes bigtime Week 1 could probably make up for it. YGG's Chris Johnson, on the other hand, needs some back-up. Unfortunately, I don't think he's gonna get it. Advantage: Starbuckers
Kiss the Baby vs. Deuceburger
It's gonna be hard to determine a winner in this one, since both teams wear the same helmet and say the same things. I predict a slow start for both these teams this year, but one team has Adrian Peterson, and the other does not. That tilts it in favor of Deuceburger.
Burke City Giants vs. I'm at the Pizza Hut
Father and son collide in this opening week face-off of the Toobins. The elder Toobin's team is the pre-season juggernaut, making it hard to pick against them. Throw in the fact that Michael's Patriot twins (Moss & Welker) are lining up against the potentially woeful Buffalo Bills, and the choice is clear: Burke City
Bartelby vs. NoFunLeague
Well, NoFunLeague certainly got the better end of Pittsburgh's offense Thursday night, with Papkin's Big Ben and Hines Ward scoring ten times as many points as Ray's Willie Parker. That early advantage might be slightly undone if Anquan Boldin (questionable) doesn't play or is limited, but unless somebody (looking at you, Frank Gore) comes up with something big, I'm giving this one to the No Fun League.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs vs. Wild Stallions
Steven Jackson and Clinton Portis are two guys who could definitely break down later in the season. But this is Week 1, so they're probably okay for now. Their combined powers, plus the fact that a big Larry Fitz day for DeYoung will be automatically countered by a big Kurt Warner day for Koehler, means the edge in this one goes to Matt Ryan Loves Dogs.
Enjoy the games, and good luck to everyone but Sherwood, who can eat shit, choke on it, die, go to hell, and then spend the rest of eternity eating more shit.
9.10.2009
9.09.2009
NBD - Draft '09 in Review
With the NFL (and thus, NBD) season kicking off tonight, I thought I'd take a look back at the draft and share some quick thoughts on our picks before they all get proven horribly wrong.
Round 1
Deuceburger - Adrian Peterson
Woody's Warriors - Michael Turner
A-Town Starbuckers - LaDainian Tomlinson
You Got Got - Maurice Jones-Drew
Wild Stallions - Larry Fitzgerald
Bartelby - Frank Gore
Burke City Giants - Randy Moss
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Tom Brady
Kiss the Baby - Brandon Jacobs
The Death Panel - Andre Johnson
NoFunLeague - Brian Westbrook
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Steven Jackson
I liked that under our new system, johnny-come-lately owners like Kex and the Chief finally got their hands on players that could legitimately be considered 1st-round talent.
I disliked DeYoung's decision to go with Fitzy here. I understand that the fantasy pundits are all hyping the rise of the wideout, and that Larry is probably as sure a thing as anyone drafted behind him, but in our league I couldn't see myself going that route without at least one RB wrapped up as a keeper. DeYoung had two QBs.
I wonder about Derek's LDT pick. I honestly don't know what I'd have done in that position myself, choosing between Tomlinson and Jones-Drew. But I feel like LDT is actually the ballsier pick there, because he could end up taking a lot of shit over it if Tomlinson is in his "It's over" year rather than his "Fuck you" year. So: I'll give him ballsiness.
Round 2
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Clinton Portis
NoFunLeague - Marion Barber
The Death Panel - Drew Brees
Kiss the Baby - Steve Smith
I'm at the Taco Bell - Reggie Wayne
Burke City Giants - Peyton Manning
Bartelby - Ryan Grant
Wild Stallions - Pierre Thomas
You Got Got - Marques Colston
A-Town Starbuckers - Tony Romo
Woody's Warriors - Thomas Jones
Deuceburger - Terrell Owens
I liked what a ridiculous team Michael Toobin was able to have by end of the second round. Having two great late-keeper backs, including last year's #1, allowed him to snag two more guys (Randy Moss and Peyton Manning) that wouldn't shock you by leading their positions, and in fact have done so in the recent past. Certainly an early powerhouse here.
I disliked Tony Romo here. Tony Romo? Did I miss something and he was 2nd-round caliber last year? Am I confused about his receiver options getting worse, not better, this year?
I wonder about the consequences of taking a quarterback high. I've never done it before this year, because I've never been comfortable with having a really questionable guy in that WR2/RB2/Flex position (note: that doesn't mean it hasn't happened consistently). I'm happy to have Brees, and I don't regret the pick, but I wonder if doing this leads to me biting my nails every week when I'm working out those other roster spots.
Round 3
Deuceburger - Larry Johnson
Woody's Warriors - Antonio Gates
A-Town Starbuckers - Marshawn Lynch
You Got Got - Darren McFadden
Wild Stallions - Knowshon Moreno
Bartelby - Antonio Bryant
Burke City Giants - Vincent Jackson
I'm at the Pizza Hut - TJ Houshmandzadeh
Kiss the Baby - Joseph Addai
The Death Panel - Chad Ochocinco
NoFunLeague - Hines Ward
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Braylon Edwards
I liked that Sherwood sticks to his guns and takes Antonio Gates ridiculously high every year.
I disliked almost all the picks in this round (including my own). Not saying they were bad picks or anything, but this is just an unexciting group of players to me. Besides McFadden and Moreno, and theoretically Braylon Edwards, I just feel like all these guys have a very definite ceiling, and that's no fun.
I wonder about Knowshon Moreno conceivably being the first (and only) sub-3rd round keeper in this system next year. Would that be a milestone? No, not really. But I did wonder about it. I think about these things.
Round 4
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Cedric Benson
NoFunLeague - Anquan Boldin (k)
The Death Panel - Matt Forte (k)
Kiss the Baby - Jason Witten
I'm at the Taco Bell - Reggie Bush
Burke City Giants - Wes Welker (k)
Bartelby - Greg Jennings (k)
Wild Stallions - Brandon Marshall
You Got Got - Roy Williams
A-Town Starbuckers - Santonio Holmes
Woody's Warriors - Donovan McNabb
Deuceburger - Santana Moss
I liked the Brandon Marshall pick, and think that the rest of us let him slide too far. It might seem significant in the pre-season that he was suspended from the team, but we all forget that once the season starts, Brandon Marshall wants to make money, and he does that by playing football. Josh McDaniel wants to stay employed, and he does that by winning football games. Marshall will be on the field, and probably playing much better than anyone else taken in this round.
I disliked the fact that Koehler took Cedric Benson, and that Cedric Benson is even a reasonable pick here. This dude just isn't a very good football player, I don't think.
I wonder about the name "A-Town Starbuckers." I have no idea what it means or what it's a reference to.
Round 5
Deuceburger - Matt Schaub
Woody's Warriors - LenDale White
A-Town Starbuckers - Beanie Wells
You Got Got - DeSean Jackson
Wild Stallions - Willis McGahee
Bartelby - Willie Parker
Burke City Giants - Donald Brown
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Dallas Clark (k)
Kiss the Baby - Derrick Ward
The Death Panel - Jamal Lewis
NoFunLeague - Ronnie Brown (k)
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Laveranues Coles
I liked Ray J's Willie Parker pick, despite its fetid reek of homerism. When did we decide Willie Parker was no better than a 5th-rounder? Just because he got injured last year? Are we really worried about Rashard Mendenhall, who hasn't done Mendenshit, taking over? Willie's never been a touchdown machine, anyway, but he'll give you yards every week.
I disliked taking Jamal Lewis. I was so sure I was taking Donald Brown here that I just sat back and relaxed. And then, three picks ahead of me, he disappeared. PANIC has a name, and that name is Jamal Lewis.
I wonder about just how awful Haller's Derrick Ward pick might just turn out to be. Presumably, when he made this pick Haller was unaware of Raheem Morris's announcement that he would be deploying his running backs in a 2 - 2 - 1 pattern of series. Since then, he has also announced that the first 2 of those series would go to Cadillac Williams. So Derrick Ward gets less than 40% of the carries in the dynamic Bucs rushing game. And goal line carries are almost certainly going to Kimbo Slice look-alike Earnest Graham.
Round 6
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Kevin Walter
NoFunLeague - Lance Moore
The Death Panel - Tony Gonzalez (k)
Kiss the Baby - Lee Evans
I'm at the Taco Bell - Kevin Smith (k)
Burke City Giants - Donnie Avery
Bartelby - Greg Olsen
Wild Stallions - Chris Cooley
You Got Got - Roddy White (k)
A-Town Starbuckers - Jerricho Cotchery
Woody's Warriors - Calvin Johnson (k)
Deuceburger - Jonathan Stewart (k)
I liked the general turn in players from the last few rounds to this one. In 1-5, you feel like your picks have to produce, and thus should be "safe." At this point, though, it feels like the pressure's off and you can go after anyone. Kevin Walter? Could suck. But could be awesome. Who knows? The same can be said for Lance Moore, Lee Evans, and Donnie Avery. This is a nice round to take a tight end or one of those types of guys.
I disliked the receiver picked in this round that I didn't mention a few sentences ago.
I wonder about Elliott relying on Kevin Smith (kept in this round) as essentially his top running back. I don't disagree with him as a keeper or anything, he's clearly way more valuable than his sixth round price tag. I just wonder if I'd have taken another running back before the fourth round.
Actually I don't wonder about that. I definitely would have.
Round 7
Deuceburger - Darren Sproles
Woody's Warriors - Torry Holt
A-Town Starbuckers - Fred Taylor
You Got Got - Matt Ryan
Wild Stallions - Carson Palmer
Bartelby - Devin Hester
Burke City Giants - DeAngelo Williams (k)
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Donald Driver
Kiss the Baby - Ahmad Bradshaw
The Death Panel - Shonn Greene
NoFunLeague - Earnest Graham
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Julius Jones
I liked Haller completing the Earth, Wind and Fire trio, even though they're no longer a trio and at least one of them is probably worthless (see Round 5).
I disliked taking Shonn Greene here. I actually like Greene as a deep keeper for next year (it's a good rushing offense, Thomas Jones is about done, and they'll never let Leon Washington be the primary back). But taking him this early is clearly a result of me freaking out about missing Donald Brown earlier.
I wonder about Deezer taking his third quarterback here (he already had keepers Rodgers and Rivers coming to him later). He claimed at the time that one would obviously be traded, but no such trade has happened since, and games are starting tomorrow. I had assumed he already had something in mind when he made the pick, but instead it seems he just broadcasted to the league that one of these guys exists only as trade bait for him. Doesn't knowing that he needs to unload one basically let us know that we can rake him over the coals?
Round 8
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Dwayne Bowe (k)
NoFunLeague - Ben Roethlisberger
The Death Panel - Derrick Mason
Kiss the Baby - Fred Jackson
I'm at the Taco Bell - Leon Washington
Burke City Giants - Ted Ginn
Bartelby - Michael Crabtree
Wild Stallions - Percy Harvin
You Got Got - Owen Daniels
A-Town Starbuckers - LeSean McCoy
Woody's Warriors - Steve Breaston
Deuceburger - Domenik Hixon
I liked the Percy Harvin pick. Traditionally rookie receivers don't contribute much, but last year we saw DeSean Jackson become a viable fantasy option because the Eagles used him in a lot of different ways. It looks like the Vikings are going to do the same for Harvin. But that means...
I disliked the Michael Crabtree pick one spot sooner. Obviously, Crabtree is not contributing soon, and maybe not at all this year. You're really going to keep the guy on your roster all year on the chance that he has a good "rookie" season next year?
I wonder about Fred Jackson. Is there any chance he holds on to the job when Marshawn Lynch gets back? How do you value three weeks of fantasy service? I admit I was kind of intrigued about the possibility of drafting him, but I couldn't ever find a place where it seemed to make sense.
Rounds 9 & 10
Deuceburger - Kellen Winslow
Woody's Warriors - Rashard Mendenhall
A-Town Starbuckers - Josh Morgan
You Got Got - Glen Coffee
Wild Stallions - Le'Ron McClain
Bartelby - David Garrard
Burke City Giants - Visanthe Shiancoe
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Chester Taylor
Kiss the Baby - Chris Chambers
The Death Panel - Matt Cassel
NoFunLeague - Sammy Morris
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Justin Gage
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Laurence Maroney
NoFunLeague - Muhsin Muhammad
The Death Panel - Miles Austin
Kiss the Baby - Jay Cutler (k)
I'm at the Taco Bell - Ricky Williams
Burke City Giants - Eli Manning
Bartelby - Jake Delhomme
Wild Stallions - Aaron Rodgers (k)
You Got Got - Felix Jones (k)
A-Town Starbuckers - Anthony Gonzalez (k)
Woody's Warriors - Pittsburgh Steelers
Deuceburger - Bernard Berrian (k)
I liked very little about the picks in these two rounds, other than maybe the pair of 49ers.
I disliked a lot, as I said, but I especially disliked Laurence Maroney. It just shows a lack of creativity, as far as I'm concerned.
I wonder about whether DeYoung and I will hate each other by the end of the year, considering that he's got two-thirds of the Ravens committee and I've got the other third. What are the odds that the three share duties enough to make them all worthless?
Rounds 11 & 12
Deuceburger - Brett Favre
Woody's Warriors - Davone Bess
A-Town Starbuckers - Shaun Hill
You Got Got - Matt Hasselbeck
Wild Stallions - Philip Rivers (k)
Bartelby - John Carlson
Burke City Giants - Jerious Norwood
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Nate Burleson
Kiss the Baby - Joey Galloway
The Death Panel - Chris Henry
NoFunLeague - Hakeem Nicks
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Joe Flacco
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - James Davis
NoFunLeague - Anthony Fasano
The Death Panel - Edgerrin James
Kiss the Baby - Corell Buckhalter
I'm at the Taco Bell - Deion Branch
Burke City Giants - Steve Slaton (k)
Bartelby - TJ Duckett
Wild Stallions - Baltimore Ravens
You Got Got - Chris Johnson (k)
A-Town Starbuckers - Nate Washington
Woody's Warriors - Michael Jenkins
Deuceburger - Dustin Keller
I liked the guys who popped up in these rounds who pop up in these rounds every year. At this point it's basically playing name a guy you recognize. Jerious Norwood? Yeah they're talking about using him more this year, right? Or was that last year? Or the year before? Nate Burleson? Wasn't he supposed to be good once? Corell Buckhalter? I'm not sure where he's playing these days, but he's got some talent, right? I'm not criticizing, either. My picks fits right in.
I disliked seeing Brett Favre get picked. I honestly think this fuckhead believes we want him to keep coming back. Like we need him to be our hero or something. When you draft him in fantasy, you just reinforce that message.
I wonder about who the fuck is going to be keepable from these rounds next year. Is there a chance that anyone from these rounds is going to end up as good as Philip Rivers, Steve Slaton and Chris Johnson, who were kept here from last year? Seems impossible, right? And yet, it will probably happen. It's what makes fantasy great.
Rounds 13, 14 and 15
Deuceburger - Stephen Gostkowski
Woody's Warriors - Isaac Bruce
A-Town Starbuckers - Jermichael Finley
You Got Got - Kenny Britt
Wild Stallions - Eddie Royal (k)
Bartelby - New York Giants
Burke City Giants - Philadelphia Eagles
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Kyle Orton
Kiss the Baby - Tennessee Titans
The Death Panel - Peyton Hillis
NoFunLeague - Jason Campbell
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Jeremy Shockey
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Kurt Warner (k)
NoFunLeague - Chicago Bears
The Death Panel - Ray Rice (k)
Kiss the Baby - Austin Collie
I'm at the Taco Bell - David Akers
Burke City Giants - Jamaal Charles
Bartelby - Ryan Longwell
Wild Stallions - Malcolm Kelly
You Got Got - Minnesota Vikings
A-Town Starbuckers - Washington Redskins
Woody's Warriors - Justin Fargas
Deuceburger - Miami Dolphins
Deuceburger - Ladell Betts
Woody's Warriors - Rob Bironas
A-Town Starbuckers - Zach Miller
You Got Got - John Kasay
Wild Stallions - Nate Kaeding
Bartelby - Darrius Heyward-Bey
Burke City Giants - Mason Crosby
I'm at the Pizza Hut - San Diego Chargers
Kiss the Baby - JaMarcus Russell
The Death Panel - Dallas Cowboys
NoFunLeague - Josh Brown
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Tim Hightower (k)
I liked that it worked out that the very last pick of the draft was a keeper. Really underscores the idea that you can get a valuable guy anywhere in the draft.
I disliked how I kept forgetting that I had keepers coming. Every time, I'd have grand plans of what I was going to do this round, and then realize like a minute beforehand that I actually had to use that pick on a keeper. It happened here with Ray Rice, which is why I left the draft without a kicker.
I wonder about how any of us is going to compete with Michael Toobin. But then I also know that football, and by extension fantasy football, never works out the way you think it's going to, and that's why it's awesome. Let's get this thing started.
Round 1
Deuceburger - Adrian Peterson
Woody's Warriors - Michael Turner
A-Town Starbuckers - LaDainian Tomlinson
You Got Got - Maurice Jones-Drew
Wild Stallions - Larry Fitzgerald
Bartelby - Frank Gore
Burke City Giants - Randy Moss
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Tom Brady
Kiss the Baby - Brandon Jacobs
The Death Panel - Andre Johnson
NoFunLeague - Brian Westbrook
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Steven Jackson
I liked that under our new system, johnny-come-lately owners like Kex and the Chief finally got their hands on players that could legitimately be considered 1st-round talent.
I disliked DeYoung's decision to go with Fitzy here. I understand that the fantasy pundits are all hyping the rise of the wideout, and that Larry is probably as sure a thing as anyone drafted behind him, but in our league I couldn't see myself going that route without at least one RB wrapped up as a keeper. DeYoung had two QBs.
I wonder about Derek's LDT pick. I honestly don't know what I'd have done in that position myself, choosing between Tomlinson and Jones-Drew. But I feel like LDT is actually the ballsier pick there, because he could end up taking a lot of shit over it if Tomlinson is in his "It's over" year rather than his "Fuck you" year. So: I'll give him ballsiness.
Round 2
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Clinton Portis
NoFunLeague - Marion Barber
The Death Panel - Drew Brees
Kiss the Baby - Steve Smith
I'm at the Taco Bell - Reggie Wayne
Burke City Giants - Peyton Manning
Bartelby - Ryan Grant
Wild Stallions - Pierre Thomas
You Got Got - Marques Colston
A-Town Starbuckers - Tony Romo
Woody's Warriors - Thomas Jones
Deuceburger - Terrell Owens
I liked what a ridiculous team Michael Toobin was able to have by end of the second round. Having two great late-keeper backs, including last year's #1, allowed him to snag two more guys (Randy Moss and Peyton Manning) that wouldn't shock you by leading their positions, and in fact have done so in the recent past. Certainly an early powerhouse here.
I disliked Tony Romo here. Tony Romo? Did I miss something and he was 2nd-round caliber last year? Am I confused about his receiver options getting worse, not better, this year?
I wonder about the consequences of taking a quarterback high. I've never done it before this year, because I've never been comfortable with having a really questionable guy in that WR2/RB2/Flex position (note: that doesn't mean it hasn't happened consistently). I'm happy to have Brees, and I don't regret the pick, but I wonder if doing this leads to me biting my nails every week when I'm working out those other roster spots.
Round 3
Deuceburger - Larry Johnson
Woody's Warriors - Antonio Gates
A-Town Starbuckers - Marshawn Lynch
You Got Got - Darren McFadden
Wild Stallions - Knowshon Moreno
Bartelby - Antonio Bryant
Burke City Giants - Vincent Jackson
I'm at the Pizza Hut - TJ Houshmandzadeh
Kiss the Baby - Joseph Addai
The Death Panel - Chad Ochocinco
NoFunLeague - Hines Ward
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Braylon Edwards
I liked that Sherwood sticks to his guns and takes Antonio Gates ridiculously high every year.
I disliked almost all the picks in this round (including my own). Not saying they were bad picks or anything, but this is just an unexciting group of players to me. Besides McFadden and Moreno, and theoretically Braylon Edwards, I just feel like all these guys have a very definite ceiling, and that's no fun.
I wonder about Knowshon Moreno conceivably being the first (and only) sub-3rd round keeper in this system next year. Would that be a milestone? No, not really. But I did wonder about it. I think about these things.
Round 4
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Cedric Benson
NoFunLeague - Anquan Boldin (k)
The Death Panel - Matt Forte (k)
Kiss the Baby - Jason Witten
I'm at the Taco Bell - Reggie Bush
Burke City Giants - Wes Welker (k)
Bartelby - Greg Jennings (k)
Wild Stallions - Brandon Marshall
You Got Got - Roy Williams
A-Town Starbuckers - Santonio Holmes
Woody's Warriors - Donovan McNabb
Deuceburger - Santana Moss
I liked the Brandon Marshall pick, and think that the rest of us let him slide too far. It might seem significant in the pre-season that he was suspended from the team, but we all forget that once the season starts, Brandon Marshall wants to make money, and he does that by playing football. Josh McDaniel wants to stay employed, and he does that by winning football games. Marshall will be on the field, and probably playing much better than anyone else taken in this round.
I disliked the fact that Koehler took Cedric Benson, and that Cedric Benson is even a reasonable pick here. This dude just isn't a very good football player, I don't think.
I wonder about the name "A-Town Starbuckers." I have no idea what it means or what it's a reference to.
Round 5
Deuceburger - Matt Schaub
Woody's Warriors - LenDale White
A-Town Starbuckers - Beanie Wells
You Got Got - DeSean Jackson
Wild Stallions - Willis McGahee
Bartelby - Willie Parker
Burke City Giants - Donald Brown
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Dallas Clark (k)
Kiss the Baby - Derrick Ward
The Death Panel - Jamal Lewis
NoFunLeague - Ronnie Brown (k)
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Laveranues Coles
I liked Ray J's Willie Parker pick, despite its fetid reek of homerism. When did we decide Willie Parker was no better than a 5th-rounder? Just because he got injured last year? Are we really worried about Rashard Mendenhall, who hasn't done Mendenshit, taking over? Willie's never been a touchdown machine, anyway, but he'll give you yards every week.
I disliked taking Jamal Lewis. I was so sure I was taking Donald Brown here that I just sat back and relaxed. And then, three picks ahead of me, he disappeared. PANIC has a name, and that name is Jamal Lewis.
I wonder about just how awful Haller's Derrick Ward pick might just turn out to be. Presumably, when he made this pick Haller was unaware of Raheem Morris's announcement that he would be deploying his running backs in a 2 - 2 - 1 pattern of series. Since then, he has also announced that the first 2 of those series would go to Cadillac Williams. So Derrick Ward gets less than 40% of the carries in the dynamic Bucs rushing game. And goal line carries are almost certainly going to Kimbo Slice look-alike Earnest Graham.
Round 6
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Kevin Walter
NoFunLeague - Lance Moore
The Death Panel - Tony Gonzalez (k)
Kiss the Baby - Lee Evans
I'm at the Taco Bell - Kevin Smith (k)
Burke City Giants - Donnie Avery
Bartelby - Greg Olsen
Wild Stallions - Chris Cooley
You Got Got - Roddy White (k)
A-Town Starbuckers - Jerricho Cotchery
Woody's Warriors - Calvin Johnson (k)
Deuceburger - Jonathan Stewart (k)
I liked the general turn in players from the last few rounds to this one. In 1-5, you feel like your picks have to produce, and thus should be "safe." At this point, though, it feels like the pressure's off and you can go after anyone. Kevin Walter? Could suck. But could be awesome. Who knows? The same can be said for Lance Moore, Lee Evans, and Donnie Avery. This is a nice round to take a tight end or one of those types of guys.
I disliked the receiver picked in this round that I didn't mention a few sentences ago.
I wonder about Elliott relying on Kevin Smith (kept in this round) as essentially his top running back. I don't disagree with him as a keeper or anything, he's clearly way more valuable than his sixth round price tag. I just wonder if I'd have taken another running back before the fourth round.
Actually I don't wonder about that. I definitely would have.
Round 7
Deuceburger - Darren Sproles
Woody's Warriors - Torry Holt
A-Town Starbuckers - Fred Taylor
You Got Got - Matt Ryan
Wild Stallions - Carson Palmer
Bartelby - Devin Hester
Burke City Giants - DeAngelo Williams (k)
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Donald Driver
Kiss the Baby - Ahmad Bradshaw
The Death Panel - Shonn Greene
NoFunLeague - Earnest Graham
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Julius Jones
I liked Haller completing the Earth, Wind and Fire trio, even though they're no longer a trio and at least one of them is probably worthless (see Round 5).
I disliked taking Shonn Greene here. I actually like Greene as a deep keeper for next year (it's a good rushing offense, Thomas Jones is about done, and they'll never let Leon Washington be the primary back). But taking him this early is clearly a result of me freaking out about missing Donald Brown earlier.
I wonder about Deezer taking his third quarterback here (he already had keepers Rodgers and Rivers coming to him later). He claimed at the time that one would obviously be traded, but no such trade has happened since, and games are starting tomorrow. I had assumed he already had something in mind when he made the pick, but instead it seems he just broadcasted to the league that one of these guys exists only as trade bait for him. Doesn't knowing that he needs to unload one basically let us know that we can rake him over the coals?
Round 8
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Dwayne Bowe (k)
NoFunLeague - Ben Roethlisberger
The Death Panel - Derrick Mason
Kiss the Baby - Fred Jackson
I'm at the Taco Bell - Leon Washington
Burke City Giants - Ted Ginn
Bartelby - Michael Crabtree
Wild Stallions - Percy Harvin
You Got Got - Owen Daniels
A-Town Starbuckers - LeSean McCoy
Woody's Warriors - Steve Breaston
Deuceburger - Domenik Hixon
I liked the Percy Harvin pick. Traditionally rookie receivers don't contribute much, but last year we saw DeSean Jackson become a viable fantasy option because the Eagles used him in a lot of different ways. It looks like the Vikings are going to do the same for Harvin. But that means...
I disliked the Michael Crabtree pick one spot sooner. Obviously, Crabtree is not contributing soon, and maybe not at all this year. You're really going to keep the guy on your roster all year on the chance that he has a good "rookie" season next year?
I wonder about Fred Jackson. Is there any chance he holds on to the job when Marshawn Lynch gets back? How do you value three weeks of fantasy service? I admit I was kind of intrigued about the possibility of drafting him, but I couldn't ever find a place where it seemed to make sense.
Rounds 9 & 10
Deuceburger - Kellen Winslow
Woody's Warriors - Rashard Mendenhall
A-Town Starbuckers - Josh Morgan
You Got Got - Glen Coffee
Wild Stallions - Le'Ron McClain
Bartelby - David Garrard
Burke City Giants - Visanthe Shiancoe
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Chester Taylor
Kiss the Baby - Chris Chambers
The Death Panel - Matt Cassel
NoFunLeague - Sammy Morris
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Justin Gage
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Laurence Maroney
NoFunLeague - Muhsin Muhammad
The Death Panel - Miles Austin
Kiss the Baby - Jay Cutler (k)
I'm at the Taco Bell - Ricky Williams
Burke City Giants - Eli Manning
Bartelby - Jake Delhomme
Wild Stallions - Aaron Rodgers (k)
You Got Got - Felix Jones (k)
A-Town Starbuckers - Anthony Gonzalez (k)
Woody's Warriors - Pittsburgh Steelers
Deuceburger - Bernard Berrian (k)
I liked very little about the picks in these two rounds, other than maybe the pair of 49ers.
I disliked a lot, as I said, but I especially disliked Laurence Maroney. It just shows a lack of creativity, as far as I'm concerned.
I wonder about whether DeYoung and I will hate each other by the end of the year, considering that he's got two-thirds of the Ravens committee and I've got the other third. What are the odds that the three share duties enough to make them all worthless?
Rounds 11 & 12
Deuceburger - Brett Favre
Woody's Warriors - Davone Bess
A-Town Starbuckers - Shaun Hill
You Got Got - Matt Hasselbeck
Wild Stallions - Philip Rivers (k)
Bartelby - John Carlson
Burke City Giants - Jerious Norwood
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Nate Burleson
Kiss the Baby - Joey Galloway
The Death Panel - Chris Henry
NoFunLeague - Hakeem Nicks
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Joe Flacco
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - James Davis
NoFunLeague - Anthony Fasano
The Death Panel - Edgerrin James
Kiss the Baby - Corell Buckhalter
I'm at the Taco Bell - Deion Branch
Burke City Giants - Steve Slaton (k)
Bartelby - TJ Duckett
Wild Stallions - Baltimore Ravens
You Got Got - Chris Johnson (k)
A-Town Starbuckers - Nate Washington
Woody's Warriors - Michael Jenkins
Deuceburger - Dustin Keller
I liked the guys who popped up in these rounds who pop up in these rounds every year. At this point it's basically playing name a guy you recognize. Jerious Norwood? Yeah they're talking about using him more this year, right? Or was that last year? Or the year before? Nate Burleson? Wasn't he supposed to be good once? Corell Buckhalter? I'm not sure where he's playing these days, but he's got some talent, right? I'm not criticizing, either. My picks fits right in.
I disliked seeing Brett Favre get picked. I honestly think this fuckhead believes we want him to keep coming back. Like we need him to be our hero or something. When you draft him in fantasy, you just reinforce that message.
I wonder about who the fuck is going to be keepable from these rounds next year. Is there a chance that anyone from these rounds is going to end up as good as Philip Rivers, Steve Slaton and Chris Johnson, who were kept here from last year? Seems impossible, right? And yet, it will probably happen. It's what makes fantasy great.
Rounds 13, 14 and 15
Deuceburger - Stephen Gostkowski
Woody's Warriors - Isaac Bruce
A-Town Starbuckers - Jermichael Finley
You Got Got - Kenny Britt
Wild Stallions - Eddie Royal (k)
Bartelby - New York Giants
Burke City Giants - Philadelphia Eagles
I'm at the Pizza Hut - Kyle Orton
Kiss the Baby - Tennessee Titans
The Death Panel - Peyton Hillis
NoFunLeague - Jason Campbell
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Jeremy Shockey
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Kurt Warner (k)
NoFunLeague - Chicago Bears
The Death Panel - Ray Rice (k)
Kiss the Baby - Austin Collie
I'm at the Taco Bell - David Akers
Burke City Giants - Jamaal Charles
Bartelby - Ryan Longwell
Wild Stallions - Malcolm Kelly
You Got Got - Minnesota Vikings
A-Town Starbuckers - Washington Redskins
Woody's Warriors - Justin Fargas
Deuceburger - Miami Dolphins
Deuceburger - Ladell Betts
Woody's Warriors - Rob Bironas
A-Town Starbuckers - Zach Miller
You Got Got - John Kasay
Wild Stallions - Nate Kaeding
Bartelby - Darrius Heyward-Bey
Burke City Giants - Mason Crosby
I'm at the Pizza Hut - San Diego Chargers
Kiss the Baby - JaMarcus Russell
The Death Panel - Dallas Cowboys
NoFunLeague - Josh Brown
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs - Tim Hightower (k)
I liked that it worked out that the very last pick of the draft was a keeper. Really underscores the idea that you can get a valuable guy anywhere in the draft.
I disliked how I kept forgetting that I had keepers coming. Every time, I'd have grand plans of what I was going to do this round, and then realize like a minute beforehand that I actually had to use that pick on a keeper. It happened here with Ray Rice, which is why I left the draft without a kicker.
I wonder about how any of us is going to compete with Michael Toobin. But then I also know that football, and by extension fantasy football, never works out the way you think it's going to, and that's why it's awesome. Let's get this thing started.
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