I missed last week, and the week before I lost 40 imaginary dollars, putting me at $-30 on the season. Time to dig out of that hole. Three games have already occured, meaning I have a limited slate of games to choose from. I press on, undaunted. Undaunted, I say!
Indianapolis Colts (-3.5) at Houston Texans
The Colts own the Texans. They fucking own them. In their head-to-head match-ups, the Colts have won 14 times, and the Texans have won once. I know this is maybe the best Texan team we've ever seen. And I know this is in Houston. And I know that the Texans need a win way more than the Colts do. But I still think the Colts take this one, and I think they do it by more than 3.5.
$25 on the Colts
Washington Redskins (+9.5) at Philadelphia Eagles
The last time I did won of these, I did the unthinkable and bet against the Skins. They went on to win the game. I should probably bet against them again, but I'm not going to. For the record, I think they're going to lose this game. But the margins of victory/loss in Skins games so far this season are: 6, 2, 5, 3, 3, 8, 10, 14, 10, 1. With that in mind, 9.5 seems like a lot, even in Philadelphia against a superior (but uneven) team.
$25 on the Redskins
Kansas City Chiefs (+13.5) at San Diego Chargers
Since dropping Larry Johnson, the Chiefs have lost a close to one Jacksonville and beaten Oakland and Pittsburgh. The Chargers have won five in a row, and they are a famously uneven team, meaning they are due for a loss. Plus, this is a divisional game in which the Chargers won the first match-up. I don't know if the Chiefs will win, but I certainly like them to cover 13.5.
$25 on the Chiefs
New England Patriots (+1.5) at New Orleans Saints
Twice now I have (imaginarily) bet on the Saints to cover big spreads, and twice I have been burned. For three straight weeks they have played shitty opponents, and have kept them in the game until the second half. Either they're not as good as advertised, or they've gotten their bad games out of their system against opponents who couldn't beat them anyway. I'm betting on the latter, and on them getting back on track this week in a big-time Monday Night game. Such is my faith in Drew Brees.
$25 on the Saints
11.28.2009
BIFL - Thanksgiving Unextraordinarium
The BIFL Week 11 Review should be a journal of last weekend's epic RV trip through Texas. It should also have been written a few days ago. But instead, it's Saturday evening, I still haven't written any game re-caps, three Week 12 NFL games have already happened, and I'm at my Nana's house. So for now, we're gonna rip through some reviews and previews, and next week, when I've got the time and access to Bernier's pictures (which I suspect will capture the trip a little better than Will's), I'll tell the tale of Gerald Riggs/Optimus Prime. 'Til then, be thankful for the following:
NBD - Thanksgiving Unspectacular
For the past few years, with my family scattered between Northern Virginia, Richmond, Charlotte, and Pittsburgh, I've elected to spend Thanksgiving quietly in NYC, getting together with a few friends for the Turkey Day itself, but otherwise having a few days to sit around, await cell phone deliveries, and compose mammoth Thanksgiving fantasy posts. This year has been quite the opposite. Having returned from Texas on Monday afternoon, I proceeded to spend Tuesday morning at JFK (fruitlessly), Tuesday evening on a wireless-less bus ride, Wednesday in NoVa, and Thursday through the weekend in Pittsburgh with family. It's now Saturday morning, and I haven't written a thing. No Reviews, no Previews, no Rutger Hauer. So now I am embarking on the difficult task of incorporating all those things into one post, to be written in the brief window between my late wake-up and the family bowling outing this afternoon. Wish me luck.
11.22.2009
BIFL - Week 11 Previews & Predictions
Through the wonders of modern technology, I write to you today from the cabin of an RV outside of Cowboy Stadium in detestable Arlington, Texas. The sun is warm, the beers are cold, the kolaches are filled with kielbasa, and the cornhole bags are flying. With all that in mind, here are some very brief previews and predictions.
11.21.2009
NBD - Week 11 Previews & Predictions
The two trade-deadline deals went through this morning, though I've got no idea how the Joseph Addai-Chester Taylor deal failed to get vetoed into oblivion. Addai hasn't gotten a lot of publicity, but he's a very productive fantasy back, having not missed double-figures since Week 2. Chester Taylor, according to Haller and Elliott, is a valuable keeper option due to the fact that he's becoming a free agent at the end of the season. In fact, Haller described him as "the top free agent running back in 2010." Well, Chester will be 31 for most of the 2010 season, and here are some of the other free agent running backs next year: Ronnie Brown, Pierre Thomas, Darren Sproles, Leon Washington, Jerious Norwood, Ricky Williams, Willie Parker. Did I mention that Chester is averaging 2.7 yards per carry this year? Nice pick-up, Haller. I just wish that when you decided to toss out quality players you'd have given me a call. "Valuable keepers" such as Lance Moore or Mario Manningham could have been yours.
Anyways, here are previews and predictions:
Anyways, here are previews and predictions:
11.18.2009
NBD - Week 10 Review C
As the league debates the merits of draft pick trading and we all sit on tenterhooks awaiting any last-minute trade blockbusters, we complete our look back on the week that was.
11.17.2009
BIFL - Week 10 Review B
What's up with the ridiculous parity in Biffle these days? Normally the NFL is an any-given-Sunday league, but we have definitive powerhouses and weaklings. This year is the exact opposite, with decided top dogs and bottom-feeders in the pros, but a bunch of middlers here in BIFL. Only three weeks from the playoffs, there are four teams at 5-5, and four more within a game of that. It's good for excitement here in the latter part of the season, but bad for power rankings (version 2.0 coming soon!). Today we'll look at four teams that could be entering the playoffs in a few weeks or could be among the worst in the league. We don't know anything yet.
NBD - Week 10 Review B
I found this to be a delight, and I thought I'd share it with you all:
I hate baseball because it's so slow and unexciting and most of the guys who play it are dicks, but I can appreciate the fact that the pace and the number of games allow for casual moments like this. I'll take George Brett any day over some super-serious douchebag like Tedy Bruschi, who practically had another stroke talking about the Belichick decision in the Monday Night pre-game. Relax, dude. You're retired. Let it go.
(I promise to let it go, too. That will be my last mention of Go-for-it-gate unless game analysis demands it.)
Continuing with Week 10...
I hate baseball because it's so slow and unexciting and most of the guys who play it are dicks, but I can appreciate the fact that the pace and the number of games allow for casual moments like this. I'll take George Brett any day over some super-serious douchebag like Tedy Bruschi, who practically had another stroke talking about the Belichick decision in the Monday Night pre-game. Relax, dude. You're retired. Let it go.
(I promise to let it go, too. That will be my last mention of Go-for-it-gate unless game analysis demands it.)
Continuing with Week 10...
11.16.2009
BIFL - Week 10 Review A
Now that we've all slept through last night's boring Colts-Pats snoozefest, we can get juiced up for the exciting Browns-Ravens match-up! Can you wait to see what kind of crazy end zone celebrations Todd Heap is going to come up with? What kinds of dazzling moves is Jamal Lewis going to put on defenders tonight? Will this be another classic prime time performance out of Brady Quinn? I can barely contain myself.
No Menomena tonight, both because there aren't really any games up for grabs and out of respect for the loss we suffered today. For those of you that missed it, Ken Ober, comedian and former host of MTV's Remote Control, died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 52.
Thanks for being a part of MTV back when MTV was cool, Ken.
Also, thanks to this clip for reminding me about Kari Wuhrer. Sweet, sweet Kari Wuhrer.
OK, enough Remote Control. On to the first of this week's games:
No Menomena tonight, both because there aren't really any games up for grabs and out of respect for the loss we suffered today. For those of you that missed it, Ken Ober, comedian and former host of MTV's Remote Control, died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 52.
Thanks for being a part of MTV back when MTV was cool, Ken.
Also, thanks to this clip for reminding me about Kari Wuhrer. Sweet, sweet Kari Wuhrer.
NBD - Week 10 Review A
Well, that was interesting.
I'm writing this around 1am Sunday night (Monday morning for the time nerd), about an hour after Bill Belichik's moronical decision to go for 4th and 2 with a little over two minutes remaining and a six-point lead from his own 28-yard line. This guy has been an enormous douchebag for years, but he's been relatively unassailable because his teams have always been so good. And part of their success has been based on their willingness to go for it on fourth down, so it's not like there's no precedent for that sort of thing. But in this situation it was just definitely the wrong call, and it gives our Belichick/Brady/Pats hatred a chance to spread its wings and take flight! Did you see Rodney Harrison in the post-game analysis? Dude was definitely almost crying. It was fantastic. Thank you, HD.
After the game, Belichick had a chance to take responsibility for the loss, maybe admit he'd made a mistake, maybe show a little humility. Did he? No, of course not. Bill's explanation: "We tried to win the game on that play, tried to pick it up right there... I thought we could have made that yard." I totally get making a risky decision to win a game, but here's my problem with that explanation: you were already winning. It seems to me you make that call to lose the game. That's the decision: between punting and letting your defense holding on to the win you already have, or going for it and risk giving probably the best prime-time quarterback in history a chance from 30 yards out. To me, the second option isn't "gutsy," it's just dumb. But you'll never get Belichick to admit that, because he's more stubborn and thick-headed than Elliott Toobin. Speaking of Elliott...
I'm writing this around 1am Sunday night (Monday morning for the time nerd), about an hour after Bill Belichik's moronical decision to go for 4th and 2 with a little over two minutes remaining and a six-point lead from his own 28-yard line. This guy has been an enormous douchebag for years, but he's been relatively unassailable because his teams have always been so good. And part of their success has been based on their willingness to go for it on fourth down, so it's not like there's no precedent for that sort of thing. But in this situation it was just definitely the wrong call, and it gives our Belichick/Brady/Pats hatred a chance to spread its wings and take flight! Did you see Rodney Harrison in the post-game analysis? Dude was definitely almost crying. It was fantastic. Thank you, HD.
After the game, Belichick had a chance to take responsibility for the loss, maybe admit he'd made a mistake, maybe show a little humility. Did he? No, of course not. Bill's explanation: "We tried to win the game on that play, tried to pick it up right there... I thought we could have made that yard." I totally get making a risky decision to win a game, but here's my problem with that explanation: you were already winning. It seems to me you make that call to lose the game. That's the decision: between punting and letting your defense holding on to the win you already have, or going for it and risk giving probably the best prime-time quarterback in history a chance from 30 yards out. To me, the second option isn't "gutsy," it's just dumb. But you'll never get Belichick to admit that, because he's more stubborn and thick-headed than Elliott Toobin. Speaking of Elliott...
11.15.2009
BIFL - Week 10 Previews & Predictions
We've reached that time of year when my job making predictions gets a little easier, since I almost always make my predictions on Saturday or Sunday morning, after the Thursday night games have already been played. We've also reached that time of morning when I'm enjoying a Hardee's fried chicken breakfast biscuit, and god damn is it delicious. I will not apologize for making informed predictions nor for enjoying a delicious, deleterious breakfast. I feel I have earned both. On to the predictions...
NBD - Week 10 Previews & Predictions
God damn! Week 10 already? These seasons just fly by when you're poring over every detail of them in nearly daily blog posts. Wanna remind everybody that the trade deadline is Friday, so if you're going to improve your team for the playoffs (not so far away) or give up on this season and grab a keeper for next season (so fucking long off), do so soon. Here's the Week 10 slate for NBD:
11.14.2009
Deadlock, starring Rutger Hauer #2
This is my new segment where I gamble 100 imaginary bucks each week on a handful of NFL games. Last week I made ten imaginary bucks. Let's see if I can keep it rolling and make enough imaginary money this week to pay for a full, imaginary, non-value menu meal!
New Orleans Saints (-13.5) at St. Louis Rams
Last week I picked the Saints to cover a big spread against a shitty team, and it burned me. Will I learn from that lesson? Not a chance. Here's what the Rams have done against decent teams this year: lost to the Niners by 35; lost to the Vikings by 28; lost to the Colts by 36. If the Saints beat them by 14, that'll almost qualify as a close game.
$30 on the Saints
Cincinnati Bengals (+7) at Pittsburgh Steelers
The Bengals have won every game they've played within their division so far, including two against the Ravens and one against the Steelers. I don't know if that streak will continue; beating the Steelers twice in one season, and doing it in Pittsburgh, is a tall order. But I'll bet that they keep it closer than seven points.
$30 on the Bengals
Denver Broncos (-3.5) at Washington Redskins
I would never, ever, ever bet real money against the Redskins. But in the words of Joe Colly: "It ain't real money." And these Redskins are a mess.
$20 on the Broncos
New England Patrios (+2.5) at Indianapolis Colts
I get that this is the rivalry of the decade or whatever. And I know that the Patriots have won their last three and looked good doing it. But that was against lousy opposition (Tennesse, Tampa Bay, Miami). But the Colts are quite possibly the best team in the league this year. And they're only getting 2.5 at home? Seems foolish.
$20 on the Colts
New Orleans Saints (-13.5) at St. Louis Rams
Last week I picked the Saints to cover a big spread against a shitty team, and it burned me. Will I learn from that lesson? Not a chance. Here's what the Rams have done against decent teams this year: lost to the Niners by 35; lost to the Vikings by 28; lost to the Colts by 36. If the Saints beat them by 14, that'll almost qualify as a close game.
$30 on the Saints
Cincinnati Bengals (+7) at Pittsburgh Steelers
The Bengals have won every game they've played within their division so far, including two against the Ravens and one against the Steelers. I don't know if that streak will continue; beating the Steelers twice in one season, and doing it in Pittsburgh, is a tall order. But I'll bet that they keep it closer than seven points.
$30 on the Bengals
Denver Broncos (-3.5) at Washington Redskins
I would never, ever, ever bet real money against the Redskins. But in the words of Joe Colly: "It ain't real money." And these Redskins are a mess.
$20 on the Broncos
New England Patrios (+2.5) at Indianapolis Colts
I get that this is the rivalry of the decade or whatever. And I know that the Patriots have won their last three and looked good doing it. But that was against lousy opposition (Tennesse, Tampa Bay, Miami). But the Colts are quite possibly the best team in the league this year. And they're only getting 2.5 at home? Seems foolish.
$20 on the Colts
11.13.2009
BIFL - Week 9 Review B
Yikes. I just realized that not only have I not finished Week 9 re-caps, but thanks to the magic of Thursday night football, Week 10 games have already started. I better pound these out:
11.12.2009
NBD - Week 9 Review B
No time for pizza nostalgia today, just diving straight into the remainder of the Week 9 slate...
11.11.2009
11.10.2009
NBD - Week 9 Review A
Yesterday I got a Pizza Hut craving. Not for a Pizza Hut pizza (I prefer Domino's actually), but for a Pizza Hut. The restaurant. And not the combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell sung about by Das Racist and memorialized by Elliott's early-season team names, but a legit, sit-down Pizza Hut restaurant. There are checkered tablecloths. There is a salad bar with one big vat of ranch dressing and one big vat of zesty Italian. I drink my fountain soda from a large, pebbled, red plastic cup. The ceiling lamp above us is old-timey and not at all authentic. My mom orders a personal pan pizza, and it comes in a little tin pan. There is a team of loud little-leaguers at the table to our left, an end-of-the-year CCD class party across the way, and a childless couple sitting in icy silence behind us. Does this exist anymore? It looks like this:
There used to be a killer one on 123 between Burke Centre Parkway and Old St. Mary's church, but it long ago became a Tolteca, and is probably something else entirely by now. If you can help me locate such a Hut, please let me know in the Comments.
Sorry to let my inner urges overtake the blog. Now back to your regularly-scheduled game reviews:
11.08.2009
BIFL - Week 9 Previews & Predictions
Virtually the entire Big Apple Delt crew is in Vegas this weekend, leaving me and Bev's dog to hold shit down here in NYC. They may be doing all the gambling, but we all know the real odds-making interest is here in the BIFL Previews & Predictions. Enjoy:
NBD - Week 9 Previews & Predictions
In case you missed it, my predicting abilities are now being tested on actual NFL outcomes in a section I'm calling Deadlock, after the "stone cold dead lock" nature of my picks and the made-for-HBO movie of the early '90s starring Rutger Hauer and Mimi Rogers as prison escapees with exploding devices stashed in collars around their necks. If you got more than 100 yards from your penal partner, your head exploded in (unintentionally) comical fashion. I wonder if there's any YouTube video of that?
11.06.2009
Deadlock, starring Rutger Hauer #1
Eight posts a week just really wasn't cutting it for me, so I decided to do one more. Every week, I hang out with people who have money on the Sunday games. I personally don't have the funds to do any sports gambling, and have always had bad luck when I have. But that doesn't mean I don't have opinions on it. So I think that every week I'm going to start making a few picks and gambling some imaginary cash ($100) on them. We'll see how I do for the rest of the season, and if I end up doing well, maybe I'll start using real money next season.
Baltimore (-3) at Cincinnati
The Bengals have a better record than the Ravens. They beat them in Baltimore by 3 points. So why, now that they're playing in Cincinnati, is Baltimore favored? The Bengals are coming off their bye, and to my knowledge aren't missing anybody. Am I missing something here?
$35 on the Bengals
Dallas (+3) at Philadelphia
I realize that the Cowboys have been hot lately, and that Tony Romo and Miles Austin are developing a very special relationship, but I am not bowled over by wins against Atlanta and Seattle. The Eagles are a legitimately good team in my eyes, and Brian Westbrook should be healthy and ready to play. And they're in Philadelphia.
$25 on the Eagles
Carolina (+14.5) at New Orleans
Fourteen and a half points is a lot of points. But not nearly enough. The Panthers are an awful team; I don't get the sense that they even enjoy playing football. Their only strength is the run game, and the Saints have been shutting down rushers all season long.
$20 on the Saints
Houston (+9) at Indianapolis
I've picked all home teams so far, and I do believe Indianapolis will win this game, but I don't love the spread. The Colts are dealing with some injuries in the secondary, and the Texans are an incredible passing team. So the Texans will be putting some points on the board. I doubt it'll be enough to out-score Peyton Manning and co., but I think'll it'll be enough to get them within 9.
$20 on the Texans
Baltimore (-3) at Cincinnati
The Bengals have a better record than the Ravens. They beat them in Baltimore by 3 points. So why, now that they're playing in Cincinnati, is Baltimore favored? The Bengals are coming off their bye, and to my knowledge aren't missing anybody. Am I missing something here?
$35 on the Bengals
Dallas (+3) at Philadelphia
I realize that the Cowboys have been hot lately, and that Tony Romo and Miles Austin are developing a very special relationship, but I am not bowled over by wins against Atlanta and Seattle. The Eagles are a legitimately good team in my eyes, and Brian Westbrook should be healthy and ready to play. And they're in Philadelphia.
$25 on the Eagles
Carolina (+14.5) at New Orleans
Fourteen and a half points is a lot of points. But not nearly enough. The Panthers are an awful team; I don't get the sense that they even enjoy playing football. Their only strength is the run game, and the Saints have been shutting down rushers all season long.
$20 on the Saints
Houston (+9) at Indianapolis
I've picked all home teams so far, and I do believe Indianapolis will win this game, but I don't love the spread. The Colts are dealing with some injuries in the secondary, and the Texans are an incredible passing team. So the Texans will be putting some points on the board. I doubt it'll be enough to out-score Peyton Manning and co., but I think'll it'll be enough to get them within 9.
$20 on the Texans
11.05.2009
BIFL - Week 8 Review C
I'm watching Survivor right now, and this cocky-ass dude just got totally blindsided. It was awesome. Which reminds me of the Pledge Survivor I played with the Spring Naught-Naught. Dekker or Billy, do you have any funny memories of people getting blindsided during that thing? And does anyone else remember Hambone's heiroglyphic-like writing system? Anyways, it also made me think of the other night when we were watching TV at my apartment and the ad for "The Blind Side" came on and my roommate started griping about how ridiculous it was. After all, how could a blind guy play football? Awesomely retarded. I hope she's reading this, since she finally figured out the URL for this site about two months after she should have.
Let's finish off the Week 8 games...
Let's finish off the Week 8 games...
NBD - Week 8 Review C
A few notes before I finish off Week 8:
1) Happy Birthday tomorrow (I'm pretty sure) to Joe Colly. Brooklyn misses you, you old bastard.
2) The trade deadline is approaching. It's November 20th, about two weeks away, and it is doubly important this year because it's also the free agent-keeper deadline. This means that in order to keep a player next year, he must be on your roster by November 20th and remain there until the end of the season. (Note on trades: I have never been clear on whether Yahoo interprets the deadline as the date by which trades must be accepted or the date by which they must go through. As Commish, I will accept any trade agreed to up until 12:01am on the 21st, and if need be will push it through.)
3) Speaking of free agent acquisitions, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this week's whopper. I thought that Derek's 87 NBDollar price paid for Ryan Moats was ridiculous, until I saw that someone in my third league paid 89 bucks for him. In some ways, I understand this move: Derek had spent all of one dollar prior to this week, so clearly he has not been working the wire and likely won't find use for any money he had saved in the next few weeks. Despite his .500 record, his team is lousy (least points scored on the season), especially at running back (Tomlinson, Lynch, Beanie). With little chance of success this year, might as well snatch up a promising young back to potentially keep next year. The big question: is Ryan Moats that back? I don't really think so. He's sharing the backfield with a 2nd-year player, so it's not like he's taking over for some aging veteran next year (a la Shonn Greene and James Davis). Steve Slaton may be having a rough year with the fumbles, but he's shown that he can be an effective back in the past and has great receiving skills that will always keep him in the mix as far as a 3rd-down or change-of-pace option. So at the best it seems Moats will be a lead back in a timeshare with Slaton on a team that would rather pass than run. At the worst, he's a one hit wonder we never hear from again. Either way, doesn't seem that promising. As I said, I understand Derek's motivation in making a move like this, but if a "real" running back prospect hits the market in the next few weeks, he's gonna feel awfully stupid.
Then again, I probably spent more time analyzing the move than Derek spent making it, so maybe I'm the one who should feel stupid. Let's get on to the games...
1) Happy Birthday tomorrow (I'm pretty sure) to Joe Colly. Brooklyn misses you, you old bastard.
2) The trade deadline is approaching. It's November 20th, about two weeks away, and it is doubly important this year because it's also the free agent-keeper deadline. This means that in order to keep a player next year, he must be on your roster by November 20th and remain there until the end of the season. (Note on trades: I have never been clear on whether Yahoo interprets the deadline as the date by which trades must be accepted or the date by which they must go through. As Commish, I will accept any trade agreed to up until 12:01am on the 21st, and if need be will push it through.)
3) Speaking of free agent acquisitions, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this week's whopper. I thought that Derek's 87 NBDollar price paid for Ryan Moats was ridiculous, until I saw that someone in my third league paid 89 bucks for him. In some ways, I understand this move: Derek had spent all of one dollar prior to this week, so clearly he has not been working the wire and likely won't find use for any money he had saved in the next few weeks. Despite his .500 record, his team is lousy (least points scored on the season), especially at running back (Tomlinson, Lynch, Beanie). With little chance of success this year, might as well snatch up a promising young back to potentially keep next year. The big question: is Ryan Moats that back? I don't really think so. He's sharing the backfield with a 2nd-year player, so it's not like he's taking over for some aging veteran next year (a la Shonn Greene and James Davis). Steve Slaton may be having a rough year with the fumbles, but he's shown that he can be an effective back in the past and has great receiving skills that will always keep him in the mix as far as a 3rd-down or change-of-pace option. So at the best it seems Moats will be a lead back in a timeshare with Slaton on a team that would rather pass than run. At the worst, he's a one hit wonder we never hear from again. Either way, doesn't seem that promising. As I said, I understand Derek's motivation in making a move like this, but if a "real" running back prospect hits the market in the next few weeks, he's gonna feel awfully stupid.
Then again, I probably spent more time analyzing the move than Derek spent making it, so maybe I'm the one who should feel stupid. Let's get on to the games...
BIFL - Week 8 Review B
I just watched the first episode of 'The League,' an FX show about a bunch of guys in a fantasy football league. I figured it would be bad, but I DVR'd it just in case. Guess what? I was totally correct. Not a good show. But there were two good things: 1) It features the delicious Leslie Bibb, who you may know as the wife of Ricky Bobby (and later Cal Naughton, Jr.) in Talladega Nights.
2) To determine the draft order of "The League," each owner pulls a number out of a hat. Those numbers correspond to the numbers worn by kids in a sack race, with the draft order determined by the order in which the kids finish. Brilliant! Now, only one of us (to my knowledge) has a kid, and we've probably got a few years until little Lily Anne and friends can negotiate a burlap sack. But is there any reason we shouldn't assign each of us a Kentucky Derby, Preakness, or Belmont Stakes horse each off-season and use that to determine the draft order? This would turn a quasi-interesting "sports" event into a super-interesting "sports" event every year. Commish, make it so.
On to more Week 8 games:
NBD - Week 8 Review B
I was just hanging out in the Village with some friends watching tonight's World Series game. I left in the middle of the 6th with the score 7-3. I then took the subway home to Cobble Hill. For those of you not familiar with NYC geography, that's five subway stops in the city, a trip under the East River, three more stops in Brooklyn, and a 10-12 minute walk to my apartment. When I got home? Middle of the 7th, same score. One full inning, with no scoring, had elapsed in the time of my entire commute home. This is why baseball sucks. On to football...
11.04.2009
BIFL - Week 8 Review A
Some quick notes from around the league before we dig into the re-caps...
...Charm City Murder owner Andre Lafollette broke his long-standing policy of in-season silence on Tuesday to address the failures of his franchise so far this year: “I feel bad for the fans. I feel sorry for the fans, and we’re very, very appreciative of our loyal fan base,” he said. “We just feel terrible. We’re disappointed. We’re embarrassed, and we hope to get it going soon.” When asked how it felt to have fans bringing signs to the stadium declaring "Fire Weirdbeard" and "F@*& Frenchie," Lafollette said simply "It hurts."
...FUBAR owner Spencer Jones offered no details about the team’s decision to move on without hand-picked GM and brother, Ben Jones. Everyone inside team headquarters at 76 Minnieville Rd. was pretty quiet on Tuesday. The FUBAR players went about their business as rumors swirled about Jones, the events that led up to his departure and who— or if—anyone will replace him. Pro Bowl quarterback Drew Brees hardly knew Jones, who was hired in January and left the club under unexplained circumstances on Monday.
“He wasn’t around too much, and when he was, he was pretty quiet,” Brees said...
...The Alligator Fuckhouse will undertake a "serious evaluation" of allegations that coach Speeve Sussendike has a history of violent behavior toward women. The team released a statement in response to allegations made to the Commandant Lassard Blog by Sussendike's latest girlfriend, Smelly Jurgensen. The beleaguered coach acknowledged striking Jurgensen with an open hand in a statement Sunday. Sussendike said the altercation happened more than 10 minutes ago and was the only time he's ever touched a woman inappropriately, though he conceded that he had had several instances of inappropriate contact with men. The Fuckhouse also released a statement criticizing Lassard's reporting, saying the blog "routinely disseminates falsehoods about the Fuckhouse."
...Charm City Murder owner Andre Lafollette broke his long-standing policy of in-season silence on Tuesday to address the failures of his franchise so far this year: “I feel bad for the fans. I feel sorry for the fans, and we’re very, very appreciative of our loyal fan base,” he said. “We just feel terrible. We’re disappointed. We’re embarrassed, and we hope to get it going soon.” When asked how it felt to have fans bringing signs to the stadium declaring "Fire Weirdbeard" and "F@*& Frenchie," Lafollette said simply "It hurts."
...FUBAR owner Spencer Jones offered no details about the team’s decision to move on without hand-picked GM and brother, Ben Jones. Everyone inside team headquarters at 76 Minnieville Rd. was pretty quiet on Tuesday. The FUBAR players went about their business as rumors swirled about Jones, the events that led up to his departure and who— or if—anyone will replace him. Pro Bowl quarterback Drew Brees hardly knew Jones, who was hired in January and left the club under unexplained circumstances on Monday.
“He wasn’t around too much, and when he was, he was pretty quiet,” Brees said...
...The Alligator Fuckhouse will undertake a "serious evaluation" of allegations that coach Speeve Sussendike has a history of violent behavior toward women. The team released a statement in response to allegations made to the Commandant Lassard Blog by Sussendike's latest girlfriend, Smelly Jurgensen. The beleaguered coach acknowledged striking Jurgensen with an open hand in a statement Sunday. Sussendike said the altercation happened more than 10 minutes ago and was the only time he's ever touched a woman inappropriately, though he conceded that he had had several instances of inappropriate contact with men. The Fuckhouse also released a statement criticizing Lassard's reporting, saying the blog "routinely disseminates falsehoods about the Fuckhouse."
NBD - Week 8 Review A
Okay, I admit it. The season is growing deep, the results are becoming more and more predictable, the good teams are getting gooder and gooder and the bad teams badder and badder. This blog sprint has turned into a marathon, and my pace is slowing. But rest assured: I will press on. I may not be posting Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday anymore, but I will cover every game of the 2009 season. This I swear to you. Without further ado...
11.01.2009
BIFL - Week 8 Previews & Predictions
Ass-Ramming HotCocks (3-4) vs. I'm Here for the Gangbang (3-4)
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night's Falcons-Saints game, and it should have big-time ramifications in this match-up with Michael Turner and Marques Colston going for me and Matt Ryan, Roddy White and Darren Sharper. Prior to that, I'm looking for Chuck to get rocked by the monster connection... Garrard to Holt! Yeah, I'm probably going to lose. Congrats, Gangbang.
Juse and the Argonauts (3-4) vs. Charm City Murder (2-5)
Neither of these teams has looked too good this season, but Juse has got some of the weakest opponents in the league on his docket this week. Jay Cutler will be picking apart the Browns, Lee Evans will be seeking to go over the top of Houston, and Steven Jackson may actually score some touchdowns in addition to his usual 100+ yards against the Lions. I can't argue with that cupcake schedule: Argos.
Merriman's Bitch Chokers (5-2) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (5-2)
Ooh, looky looky. Two five-and-two teams, both atop their divisions, taking each other on. And yet... when I look at the rosters, I only see how one of these guys got to where they are. Do we really have a division leader starting Mohammed Massaquoi? And the shitty Steve Smith? They're supposed to keep up with Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson? I doubt it. Chokers take this one.
Pet Monkey (2-5) vs. FUBAR (3-4)
Wait a minute. Why is Spencer's record 3-4 when he had a tie last week? Shouldn't it be 2-4-1 or something? Let's check this out... What the fuck?!? Somehow Spencer was gifted another point in last week's game! He wins, Dick loses! This is bullshit; I want my tie back! Commish, please investigate this scoring change and see if we can do something about it. As for this week, I wish I could pick another tie, but I actually think there'll be a winner here. Drew Brees is due for a big day, and I think that Calvin Johnson not only plays, but plays well. FUBAR is your winner.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-4) vs. Bardois Bourgeoisie (3-4)
Wow, does Dick really have the swine flu? That sucks, and it's gross. EVERYONE STAY AWAY FROM CHAIRMAN KAGA'S YELLOW PEPPERS!!! If he really is sick, I bet the news that last week's tie is actually a loss only makes things worse. He could really use an uplifting fantasy victory against Bardey this week. You know what, though? He's not gonna get it. The BB running backs are taking on Cleveland and St. Louis. His receivers are light years better. And Dick's lone superstar, DeAngelo Williams, is taking on a surprisingly tough Cardinals' D. The game goes to Bardois, but I'm sure he'll join me in wishing Bryan a swift recovery.
Alligator Fuckhouse (5-2) vs. Chip Lohmiller (5-2)
Wow, another match-up of 5-2, division-leading teams. It's like deja vu. Wait, no it's not. None of those other 5-2 teams was starting anyone of the caliber of Chad Henne. Souts is socked with bye weeks today, missing Brady, Welker, Mendenhall, Miller, and Mike Wallace. That's what you get for building a fantasy team around two franchises. I'll be watching the game with both of these guys today, and I'll be watching Chip Lohmiller win.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night's Falcons-Saints game, and it should have big-time ramifications in this match-up with Michael Turner and Marques Colston going for me and Matt Ryan, Roddy White and Darren Sharper. Prior to that, I'm looking for Chuck to get rocked by the monster connection... Garrard to Holt! Yeah, I'm probably going to lose. Congrats, Gangbang.
Juse and the Argonauts (3-4) vs. Charm City Murder (2-5)
Neither of these teams has looked too good this season, but Juse has got some of the weakest opponents in the league on his docket this week. Jay Cutler will be picking apart the Browns, Lee Evans will be seeking to go over the top of Houston, and Steven Jackson may actually score some touchdowns in addition to his usual 100+ yards against the Lions. I can't argue with that cupcake schedule: Argos.
Merriman's Bitch Chokers (5-2) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (5-2)
Ooh, looky looky. Two five-and-two teams, both atop their divisions, taking each other on. And yet... when I look at the rosters, I only see how one of these guys got to where they are. Do we really have a division leader starting Mohammed Massaquoi? And the shitty Steve Smith? They're supposed to keep up with Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson? I doubt it. Chokers take this one.
Pet Monkey (2-5) vs. FUBAR (3-4)
Wait a minute. Why is Spencer's record 3-4 when he had a tie last week? Shouldn't it be 2-4-1 or something? Let's check this out... What the fuck?!? Somehow Spencer was gifted another point in last week's game! He wins, Dick loses! This is bullshit; I want my tie back! Commish, please investigate this scoring change and see if we can do something about it. As for this week, I wish I could pick another tie, but I actually think there'll be a winner here. Drew Brees is due for a big day, and I think that Calvin Johnson not only plays, but plays well. FUBAR is your winner.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-4) vs. Bardois Bourgeoisie (3-4)
Wow, does Dick really have the swine flu? That sucks, and it's gross. EVERYONE STAY AWAY FROM CHAIRMAN KAGA'S YELLOW PEPPERS!!! If he really is sick, I bet the news that last week's tie is actually a loss only makes things worse. He could really use an uplifting fantasy victory against Bardey this week. You know what, though? He's not gonna get it. The BB running backs are taking on Cleveland and St. Louis. His receivers are light years better. And Dick's lone superstar, DeAngelo Williams, is taking on a surprisingly tough Cardinals' D. The game goes to Bardois, but I'm sure he'll join me in wishing Bryan a swift recovery.
Alligator Fuckhouse (5-2) vs. Chip Lohmiller (5-2)
Wow, another match-up of 5-2, division-leading teams. It's like deja vu. Wait, no it's not. None of those other 5-2 teams was starting anyone of the caliber of Chad Henne. Souts is socked with bye weeks today, missing Brady, Welker, Mendenhall, Miller, and Mike Wallace. That's what you get for building a fantasy team around two franchises. I'll be watching the game with both of these guys today, and I'll be watching Chip Lohmiller win.
NBD - Week 8 Previews & Predictions
The Death Panel (4-3) vs. Harry Lance Hannibal (4-3)
There's a lot riding on this game. If I lose, I've gotta paint a large portion of my parents house, and if I win, they have to fund a party I'm having there in a few weeks. I'm feeling pretty confident. The Falcons pass defense is nothing special, presumably meaning good things for Drew Brees and Lance Moore. And if Matt Forte is ever going to look like a first-round back, it'll be against the Browns. Meanwhile, Ray's bright spot from last week, Ryan Grant, is taking on the run-stopping Vikings. The Panel is ready to party on Ray-Ray's dime.
This Guy Here is Dead (4-3) vs. Mental Errors (4-3)
Elliott's been on a roll lately, having won three in a row. And even though he's without Tom Brady this week, Derek is just grasping at straws for running backs (Lynch, Tomlinson, Beanie) and his wideouts aren't much better. Unless Tony Romo goes insane-o against the Seahawks (which doesn't seem impossible), I'm going with Mental Errors.
Who Gonna Check Me Boo? (5-2) vs. Smegma Amuse Bouche (3-4)
There's an awful lot of red letters next to Papkin's players. Not a good situation when you're taking on the top power-ranked team in the league. Colly's got three guys going in what should be a shootout between Atlanta and New Orleans tomorrow night, and his big boy, Maurice Jones-Drew, is taking on the hapless Titans. I don't know that I've had an easier pick this season than Check Me in this one.
Globo de Aire Mi Equipo (2-5) vs. Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (2-5)
Both of these teams are near the bottom of our standings (10th and 11th place), but only one of them has spent the past month improving his team through trades. The talent on Haller's squad is significantly better than that on Koehler's, but the match-ups may keep things close. Globo's Rivers-to-Jackson combo is taking on the Raiders, who most teams seem to prefer running on, and DeAngelo Williams is taking on the Cardinals, who've held down running backs pretty well this season (5th-best in points against). Still, I don't see anything on MRLD, other than Steven Jackson potentially finally having a multi-TD day against the Lions, to give Haller much to worry about. It should be close, but in a close game I'll always take the better team: Globo de Aire.
Burke City Giants (6-1) vs. Wild Stallions (4-3)
It's time for Michael Toobin's shittiness to start catching up with his record, and I think it starts this week. DeYoung's got a solid squad and some weak opponents (Mike Sims-Walker against the Titans, Larry Fitzgerald against the Panthers). I wish he didn't have to start Willis McGahee, who seems to have out-lived his usefulness in Baltimore, but maybe he can squeeze off another goal-line touchdown this week. Ride on, Stallions.
Woody's Warriors (2-5) vs. Deuceburger (2-5)
As of this writing (10:15am on Sunday), Kekky's got four players on bye in his starting line-up, one of whom is suspended for the next month. He's only got replacements on his bench for two of them, and they are nothing special. Which means that either there's gonna be some waiver-wire surfing in California this morning, or Woody's gonna be taking on some empty slots. Either way, should be an easy win for the Warriors.
2 weeks ago: 4-2
Overall: 22-14
Good luck to everyone this week except for Ray. Pops, you can go ahead and call Buzz & Ned's now and open the ordering with 100 pounds of cucumber salad. Does anyone know where in Richmond I can get a keg of Old Fezziwig's Ale?
There's a lot riding on this game. If I lose, I've gotta paint a large portion of my parents house, and if I win, they have to fund a party I'm having there in a few weeks. I'm feeling pretty confident. The Falcons pass defense is nothing special, presumably meaning good things for Drew Brees and Lance Moore. And if Matt Forte is ever going to look like a first-round back, it'll be against the Browns. Meanwhile, Ray's bright spot from last week, Ryan Grant, is taking on the run-stopping Vikings. The Panel is ready to party on Ray-Ray's dime.
This Guy Here is Dead (4-3) vs. Mental Errors (4-3)
Elliott's been on a roll lately, having won three in a row. And even though he's without Tom Brady this week, Derek is just grasping at straws for running backs (Lynch, Tomlinson, Beanie) and his wideouts aren't much better. Unless Tony Romo goes insane-o against the Seahawks (which doesn't seem impossible), I'm going with Mental Errors.
Who Gonna Check Me Boo? (5-2) vs. Smegma Amuse Bouche (3-4)
There's an awful lot of red letters next to Papkin's players. Not a good situation when you're taking on the top power-ranked team in the league. Colly's got three guys going in what should be a shootout between Atlanta and New Orleans tomorrow night, and his big boy, Maurice Jones-Drew, is taking on the hapless Titans. I don't know that I've had an easier pick this season than Check Me in this one.
Globo de Aire Mi Equipo (2-5) vs. Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (2-5)
Both of these teams are near the bottom of our standings (10th and 11th place), but only one of them has spent the past month improving his team through trades. The talent on Haller's squad is significantly better than that on Koehler's, but the match-ups may keep things close. Globo's Rivers-to-Jackson combo is taking on the Raiders, who most teams seem to prefer running on, and DeAngelo Williams is taking on the Cardinals, who've held down running backs pretty well this season (5th-best in points against). Still, I don't see anything on MRLD, other than Steven Jackson potentially finally having a multi-TD day against the Lions, to give Haller much to worry about. It should be close, but in a close game I'll always take the better team: Globo de Aire.
Burke City Giants (6-1) vs. Wild Stallions (4-3)
It's time for Michael Toobin's shittiness to start catching up with his record, and I think it starts this week. DeYoung's got a solid squad and some weak opponents (Mike Sims-Walker against the Titans, Larry Fitzgerald against the Panthers). I wish he didn't have to start Willis McGahee, who seems to have out-lived his usefulness in Baltimore, but maybe he can squeeze off another goal-line touchdown this week. Ride on, Stallions.
Woody's Warriors (2-5) vs. Deuceburger (2-5)
As of this writing (10:15am on Sunday), Kekky's got four players on bye in his starting line-up, one of whom is suspended for the next month. He's only got replacements on his bench for two of them, and they are nothing special. Which means that either there's gonna be some waiver-wire surfing in California this morning, or Woody's gonna be taking on some empty slots. Either way, should be an easy win for the Warriors.
2 weeks ago: 4-2
Overall: 22-14
Good luck to everyone this week except for Ray. Pops, you can go ahead and call Buzz & Ned's now and open the ordering with 100 pounds of cucumber salad. Does anyone know where in Richmond I can get a keg of Old Fezziwig's Ale?
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