BIFL - Week 8 Previews & Predictions

Ass-Ramming HotCocks (3-4) vs. I'm Here for the Gangbang (3-4)
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night's Falcons-Saints game, and it should have big-time ramifications in this match-up with Michael Turner and Marques Colston going for me and Matt Ryan, Roddy White and Darren Sharper. Prior to that, I'm looking for Chuck to get rocked by the monster connection... Garrard to Holt! Yeah, I'm probably going to lose. Congrats, Gangbang.

Juse and the Argonauts (3-4) vs. Charm City Murder (2-5)
Neither of these teams has looked too good this season, but Juse has got some of the weakest opponents in the league on his docket this week. Jay Cutler will be picking apart the Browns, Lee Evans will be seeking to go over the top of Houston, and Steven Jackson may actually score some touchdowns in addition to his usual 100+ yards against the Lions. I can't argue with that cupcake schedule: Argos.

Merriman's Bitch Chokers (5-2) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (5-2)
Ooh, looky looky. Two five-and-two teams, both atop their divisions, taking each other on. And yet... when I look at the rosters, I only see how one of these guys got to where they are. Do we really have a division leader starting Mohammed Massaquoi? And the shitty Steve Smith? They're supposed to keep up with Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson? I doubt it. Chokers take this one.

Pet Monkey (2-5) vs. FUBAR (3-4)
Wait a minute. Why is Spencer's record 3-4 when he had a tie last week? Shouldn't it be 2-4-1 or something? Let's check this out... What the fuck?!? Somehow Spencer was gifted another point in last week's game! He wins, Dick loses! This is bullshit; I want my tie back! Commish, please investigate this scoring change and see if we can do something about it. As for this week, I wish I could pick another tie, but I actually think there'll be a winner here. Drew Brees is due for a big day, and I think that Calvin Johnson not only plays, but plays well. FUBAR is your winner.

Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-4) vs. Bardois Bourgeoisie (3-4)
Wow, does Dick really have the swine flu? That sucks, and it's gross. EVERYONE STAY AWAY FROM CHAIRMAN KAGA'S YELLOW PEPPERS!!! If he really is sick, I bet the news that last week's tie is actually a loss only makes things worse. He could really use an uplifting fantasy victory against Bardey this week. You know what, though? He's not gonna get it. The BB running backs are taking on Cleveland and St. Louis. His receivers are light years better. And Dick's lone superstar, DeAngelo Williams, is taking on a surprisingly tough Cardinals' D. The game goes to Bardois, but I'm sure he'll join me in wishing Bryan a swift recovery.

Alligator Fuckhouse (5-2) vs. Chip Lohmiller (5-2)
Wow, another match-up of 5-2, division-leading teams. It's like deja vu. Wait, no it's not. None of those other 5-2 teams was starting anyone of the caliber of Chad Henne. Souts is socked with bye weeks today, missing Brady, Welker, Mendenhall, Miller, and Mike Wallace. That's what you get for building a fantasy team around two franchises. I'll be watching the game with both of these guys today, and I'll be watching Chip Lohmiller win.