BIFL - Week 10 Previews & Predictions

We've reached that time of year when my job making predictions gets a little easier, since I almost always make my predictions on Saturday or Sunday morning, after the Thursday night games have already been played. We've also reached that time of morning when I'm enjoying a Hardee's fried chicken breakfast biscuit, and god damn is it delicious. I will not apologize for making informed predictions nor for enjoying a delicious, deleterious breakfast. I feel I have earned both. On to the predictions...


Bardois Bourgeoisie (4-5) vs. Pet Monkey (4-5)
This game has already seen significant action thanks to the Niners-Bears game the other night, with mixed results for Doit. Of his remaining players, Brett Favre (against the Lions) and Brandon Marshall (against the Skins) seem the only ones primed for big days. Considering that Favre's impact will likely be negated by fantasy's top scorer, Aaron Rodgers, and that Randy Moss will be taking on a depleted Indianapolis secondary, I think the shameful performances of Jason Hill and Vernon Davis will come back to haunt Bardey, giving the win to Pet Monkey.

[I'm watching the NFL Network's pre-game show right now, which I don't normally get to do because we don't get it in New York. I've never been a big Warren Sapp fan, but he just made a Spaceballs reference, quipping "May the Schwartz be with you" as Lions coach Jim Schwartz entered the stadium. Nicely done, Warren.]

Juse and the Argonauts (4-5) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (5-4)
There's early trouble for the Argonauts as Jay Cutler managed just seven points Thursday night. Those passing woes should continue Sunday for the Argos, with Dwayne Bowe facing off against shutdown specialist Nnamdi Asomugha and Chad Ochocinco taking on a tough Steelers secondary in Pittsburgh. With Chalski starting the highly successful combo of Phil Rivers and Vince Jackson, I see the Chachfaces winning this one with relative ease.

Charm City Murder (3-6) vs. I'm Here for the Gangbang (4-5)
Everyone who's already played in this one did pretty well for themselves, around what you'd expect out of them, so I'm free to judge the match-up on the rest of its merits. And starting a combo of Shonn Greene and Beanie Wells does not merit much for Andre. Throw in Sammie Stroughter and Brandon Pettigrew, and you're got a starting line-up that none of us could have foreseen back in September. And yet... (Wait a minute! That's the Undertaker's entrance music!) Charm City has an ace up its sleeve: the Double-TE set. You can't fuck with tradition. My pick? Murder.

FUBAR (3-6) vs. Chip Lohmiller (6-3)
Dekker had to replace stellar quarterback Matt Schaub with Alex Smith this week, and Smith (2 pts) has gotten him off to a horrible start. But will that be enough of an edge for one of the worst teams in the league to overcome one of the best? It's hard to say. I suspect that Dekker's Jaguars will be limited with Darelle Revis shutting down Mike Sims-Walker, and that allowing the Jets linebackers and safeties to key on Maurice Jones-Drew. But Ray Rice is likely to have a field day against the Browns, and DeSean Jackson is bound to break a big play or two against the Chargers. I'd love to pick FUBAR, with Drew Brees ready to pick apart the Rams, but there just isn't enough else there that excites me, so I have to go with Lohmiller.

Ass-Ramming HotCocks (5-4) vs. Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (4-5)
This feels like a must-win for the Ass-Rammers, both for pride reasons (can't lose to Dick) and playoff hopes. Luckily, we've got some good match-ups. Chris Johnson alone may win this one for me, going against the worst rushing D in the league in Buffalo. I am very glad to see a big red Q next to DeAngelo Williams' name, and no other Poon-Pounder scares me too much. With hope and fear, I'll take the HotCocks.

Merriman's Bitch Chokers (7-2) vs. Alligator Fuckhouse (5-4)
Last week, with my stirring defeat of Chip Lohmiller, we saw one of the league's front-runners take a hit. Is Week 10 the time for the other to go down? Shoaf does have Adrian Peterson going against the Lions, but Detroit has been a little softer against the pass than the run, so Souts' Sidney Rice may be able to match his success. The most exciting aspect of this game (besides the big brother-little brother drama) is that the same Manning-Brady match-up we'll all be watching on Sunday night will be played out fantasy-wise here. I think the Colts are going to win that game, but I'm giving the fantasy win to Brady's team, Alligator Fuckhouse.

Last week: 2-4 (ugly, but I was 2 total points away from being 4-2)
Overall: 29-19

Good luck to everyone this week except for Dick. Dick, you're coming off of a recent bout of the swine flu, and I just ran a half-marathon yesterday. That could mean that, for likely the first time since we've known each other, I am in better shape than you. I can't think of anything that would crush your spirit more than knowing that.

UPDATE: Actual quote from Michael Irvin on NFL Network: "We know that when November hits, that is... Tony Romo's... time of the month. The whole period of November is a period for Tony Romo."
I'm not sure, but I think that Irvin is trying to say that Tony's going to have a big game this week because he's PMSing.