There's a bunch of good games on the schedule this weekend (Pats-Ravens, Jets-Saints, Chargers-Steelers, and Packers-Vikings), so let's hope that translates into good games here in NBD.
The Death Panel (1-2) vs. You Got Got (2-1)
This is the first face-off Colly and I have had since we separated as roommates, and I'm ready to unleash years of (barely) stifled frustration. For every unwashed dish left in the sink, for every time I had to break into his room to find a drinking glass, for every empty pack of cigarettes found in the living room, mere feet from the garbage can where they should have been, Drew Brees will throw a touchdown. Then again, Cletus surely has a laundry list of similar grievances, and Chris Johnson and Maurice Jones-Drew are likely to be flying around the field, driven by the fury of greasy popcorn bowls, late-night Rock Band sessions, and stinky towels in the bathroom. Come to think of it, I must have been a pretty awful roommate to force JPC back to his hated DC, so I'm probably about to Get Got.
Roger's Oyster Lunch (2-1) vs. Burke City Giants (3-0)
Derek's team was already bad, and this week his one bright spot, the emerging LeSean McCoy, has a bye. Michael will be missing DeAngelo Williams, but he's still stacked with Peyton Manning, Randy Moss, and Vincent Jackson. This should be a rout for the Giants.
Kristin's Hills Are Alive (1-2) vs. Wild Stallions (2-1)
I got a picture-text of these two drunk assholes last night, and let me tell you that despite the outcome of this game, neither of these guys will come out a winner. They are in Chapel Hill together, though, so at least they'll get to watch with each other as their awful contest unfolds. Haller impressed me last year by finding a way to put a tilde in his team name, which I still haven't figured out how to do, but his new name has an unforgiveable grammatical error (a misplaced apostrophe) which pisses me off to no end. He's also still starting Derrick Ward, which infuriates me just as much. DeYoung doesn't have anyone on his team who personally offends me, and he "won" the Glen Coffee sweepstakes this week, though it cost him a pretty penny ($26, our biggest free agent expenditure so far). I'm not sure that that investment will be worth it over the course of the season, but this week it should lead to a Wild Stallion victory.
Bartelby (3-0) vs. Deuceburger (2-1)
We all ought to be ashamed of ourselves for having allowed Ray to get to 3-0. Granted, Sam, Elliott and Woody have more to be ashamed of than the rest of us, but we are all at least partly to blame, I'm sure. Bartelby will find it hard to continue his winning streak this week, though, with a few of his big guns (Ryan Grant and Greg Jennings) taking on the staunch defense of Minnesota. Deuceburger isn't looking that hot, either, with Larry Johnson and shitbag Turl Owens both starting, but Adrian Peterson is always a threat to go off, so I'll give this one to Deuceburger in a squeaker.
0-3 But Not a Skins Fan (0-3, duh) vs. Woody's Warriors (0-3)
Well this is a real clash of the titans. After this game, only one NBD team will remain winless, but it's hard to say which squad is less shitty. Especially complicating things is the fact that as of this writing (Saturday night) these guys haven't really solidified their line-ups. Koehler still has a bye-week kicker in his line-up, with no replacement on the bench, but presumably that issue will be resolved tomorrow morning. Sherwood, having completed his trade with Haller, has still yet to move his new players (Jay Cutler and Knowshon Moreno) into the line-up. Assuming he does, I would have to give the edge to the Warriors, since I have lost all faith in Clinton Portis and Braylon Edwards and Laveranues Coles are essentially worthless.
Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe (1-2) vs. I'm at the Pizza Hut (1-2)
I don't know what to make of this game. Both of these teams look pretty lousy to me. I think Tom Brady is fucked against the Ravens, and he's practically the only heavy-hitter involved in this game. The Jets' defense was able to shut him down earlier this season, and they're taking on the Saints this week, but I actually think that's a good thing for Elliott's Reggie Bush, because New Orleans will be trying to find unusual ways to get down the field. That, combined with the potential for big things out of Reggie Wayne taking on the Seahawks, inclines me to pick Pizza Hut.
Last week: 4-2
Overall: 13-5 (is there some way I can gamble on this?)
Good luck to everyone this week, except for Colly, who is going to look like sweet, innocent Whitney Port in the face of my Roxy-like onslaught of nastiness. Kelly Cutrone can't save you this week, Cletus.
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7 comments:
Kristin's Hills are Alive is a fucking amazing name.
After the Colly diatribe, I thought Lassard might begin my matchup analysis with a whine about my failure to attend his third grade Christmas play. The collective league shame should continue this week and i anticipate ending this week atop the standings with my fellow geriatric. A more astute analyst might have noted that i play this week with two prime running backs on the shelf(Frank Gore and Fast Willie P.)He might also have mentioned that i took Charles Oakley to the cleaners at golf this week. By the way, Ed Moses will be on the new Big Break. Let the games begin.
Ray, maybe you can join bifl as well. We need better comments...
honestly, my dad was never this clever when i was growing up. nor was he rich enough to be playing golf with charles oakley. i don't ever want to hear this tony motherfucker talk about ketchup sandwiches and stealing furnace coal off of trains again, when those stories are interspersed with crepes and caviar between nines with "oak."
It is rewarding to finally see Lassard acknowledge, backhandedly, that his self avowed and considerable talent at shit-talking is genetically based. This morning's eggs benedict were superb. Who is Kristen Hill?
that's one way to interpret it. another would be to say that, since your shit-talking didn't come into its own until i was in my mid-twenties and you were in your mid-seventies, that i managed to overcome a dearth of genetic material in the verbal martial arts, and was then able to teach the skill to you.
kristin cavallari is the former star of mtv's 'laguna beach' who has now returned to save 'the hills' after the departure of star lauren conrad. her hills can be seen here
ACT 1:
1. Elliott starts a player on a bye...
2. (Audience) Laughs!
END
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