NBD - Week 5 Review C

Let's finish up these game re-caps so I can get down to the nitty-gritty of some Power Rankings.


Woody's Warriors (135) defeat Papkin's Team (109)
Jeez. I thought both these teams were awful. And I thought that of the two, Papkin's was the less-awful. Wrong on both counts. Other than Colly's explosion, these two were the top-scoring teams this week. The Warriors' Michael Turner (27) led all scorers in this one and was followed closely by fellow Woodrovian Donovan McNabb (26), looking strong in his first action since Week 1. Thomas Jones (16) also had his best performance since the season opener, and Brandon Marshall (19), like Turner, had his best outing of the year. With all these guys at their optimum, it's no wonder that Woody won, but only time will tell whether the Warriors are the legitimate squad they've looked like the past two weeks (averaging 123 points) or the pitiful losers they were for the first three weeks (averaging 50 points less). Papkin's team, like the woman who married him, was amazingly brave in the face of almost certain failure. Ben Roethlisberger and Ronnie Brown (22 each) led the losing effort, which would have beat nearly every other team in the league. Hines Ward (15) and Heath Miller (11) were also strong, but not enough so to overcome the Warriors.

Mental Errors (100) defeat Wild Stallions (78)

A picture of these two combatants (plus another asshole) in happier times a night before their match-up. Way to shave for the wedding, Deyoung.

I was with these guys on Saturday night at the Screen-Alexander wedding, and let me tell you there was a lot of shit-talking. I remember it all with absolute clarity, as (unlike them) I was sober as a judge, and absolutely did not wear a jingle-bell neckpiece to the bar, steal several bags of Combos, embrace Chuck Screen with my shirt unbottoned to the base of my sternum, or furiously attempt to evict DeYoung and Ricardo from our shared room. No, I was busy recording their conversation. DeYoung was all "Good luck against Larry Fitzgerald, tomorrow, dipshit! He's taking on the piss-poor Houston defense and will probably score like 19 points!" And Elliott was like "Fuck Larry Fitzgerald! I have one of the best wide receiver combos in the league in Reggie Wayne and Steve Smith, but I'm not even going to beat you with them. That would be too easy. No, I'm going to have TJ Houshmandzadeh out-score your boy Fitz by a point! How 'bout them apples?!?" And then DeYoung dipped into his satchel of zingers and came out with "Well that's all well and good. The sun even has to shine on a Seahawk's ass some days, but what are you gonna do about Rashard Mendenhall and his (probably) 15-point outing against the lowly Lions?" And that's when Elliott went kind of chicken-headed on it and wrinkled up his nose in a look of disgust and was like "Rashard Mendenhall? The guy you traded away Brandon Marshall to get? I got Ricky Williams in the tenth round of our draft, and he's going to produce nearly as many points! In fact, when you combine his efforts with those of Tom Brady, who will likely score 15 points, and Reggie Wayne, who I'm sure will get a dozen or so, I don't think you stand a chance of coming within 21.85 points of me!" And then DeYoung remarked that Elliott was predicting things with an incredible amount of specificity and called Elliott a dirty Jewbag, which I thought was uncalled for.

At least that's how I remember it.