BIFL - Week 5 Review C

I saw today on NFL Live that Commissioner Roger Goodell was unenthusiastic about the possibility of Rush Limbaugh becoming a potential part-owner of the St. Louis Rams, and that the main figure in that buyout push, Dave Checketts, was dropping Limbaugh from the group. Now, as a commie pinko, that makes me happy, and I'd love to believe that the Ginger Hammer's comments and Checketts decision were motivated by a realization that they didn't want to be associated with a fascist. But I know that's not the situation. I don't know much about Checketts, but Goodell is practically a fascist himself. He probably loves Limbaugh. But these are also businessmen, and they realize that, with the amount of public vitriol out there against Rush, his part in the ownership team would have meant bad business, with likely outcry amongst some fans and probable disgruntlement amongst players and coaches leading to lost revenues. And so it comes to be that the man who has made millions by polarizing the populace and playing on people's basest instincts and fears is kept from his dream of owning an NFL team by the same capitalistic impulses that he has so vociferously defended all these years. Thanks, Justice. Normally you fuck me over any chance you can get, but today you made me happy.

On to the rest of the Week 5 slate:


Charm City Murder (93) defeats FUBAR (67)
In my Previews & Predictions, I denigrated Spence's squad, jokingly referring to Kyle Orton, Jerome Harrison, Tashard Choice, and Bobby Wade as the Hall of Fame induction class of 2018. Well, Choice didn't even make the Sunday line-up, and Harrison (2) and Wade (4) did little to prove that they belong on a fantasy roster, much less a bust in Canton. Kyle Orton, however, proved me wrong, much as his Broncos have been doing to naysayers all season long. Orton's 21 and TJ Houshmandzadeh's 19 were the bright spots on a FUBAR squad that was mostly dark in this contest. Charm City also featured only two stand-outs, Tony Romo (26) and Larry Fitzgerald (19), but their supporting cast, including 14 points from kicker Lawrence Tynes and 16 combined from the IDPs, was enough to give them the edge in this game. I don't have much else to say about this game, but would like to point out that Calvin Johnson is injured and didn't practice today, Drew Brees hasn't thrown a touchdown since Week 2, and Brian Westbrook has scored 26 points this year. As dumb a team name as FUBAR is, Spence's squad is really living up to it in '09.

Cholish Chachfaces (73) defeat Ass-Ramming HotCocks (71)
Man, did this loss suck. If I end up not making the play-offs this season - which, by the way, has never happened - I will look back on this loss as the beginning of the end. Chalski commented that he had "chalked this one up as a loss at 5pm on Sunday," and indeed, going into the Sunday night game, the odds seemed hugely stacked in my favor. Michael Turner (29) had had an enormous day for me, Visanthe Shiancoe (10) had chipped in his season-high, and I was holding a 2-point lead over the Chachfaces. Still to play for him? Only a kicker. Still to play for me? Chris Johnson and Pierre Garcon. That's as close to a lock as you get. And yet.. Johnson and Garcon scored three points between them, and Chalski's kicker, Dan Carpenter, who I had never heard of before this game, managed seven points. The Chachfaces only had one player in double figures (Ben Roethlisberger, 23), but that was enough to beat my squad of shitheads. Speaking of shitheads, I shoult note that I decided to start David Garrard (4) over Donovan McNabb (29), reasoning that McNabb was just back from injury and needed to prove to me that he was back in game shape. McNabb was all "Fuck you, Sovic!" This continues my streak, started a few years back in the Uberleague, of always sitting Donovan in his big games. With a loss like this, many of you will wonder if I will cave. Well, I'll tell you, I'm not even thinking of caving. I am not a caver. Pioneers take the arrows. We are pioneers. It’s a sad thing that our country, over 200 years old now, needs pioneers all over again, but we do.

Soon: Power Rankings!