BIFL - Week 6 Previews & Predictions

You know what I wish Chris Berman would tell me more about? How long he and Tom Jackson have been doing NFL Countdown together for. Every week I forget. Has it been 22 years? 23? 24? And every week he's there to remind me. Thanks, Chris! Congratulations on doing a cushy, once-a-week job for over two decades, and fake-laughing at the same smiling jackass for all of them!

On to this week's games...


Ass-Ramming HotCocks (3-2) vs. Pet Monkey (0-5)
When I play in those Survivor leagues, I try never to pick against the teams on a long losing streak. Some people bank on that, choosing the Rams' or Lions' or Titans' opponents every week, but I always worry about those teams being "due." Such is my concern with this game. Billy is much better than his record indicates, and he's certainly due for a victory.
But.
My team is at full strength, whereas he's missing his best player (Ronnie Brown). So I'm sticking with myself and the rest of the HotCocks.

Merriman's Bitch Chokers (3-2) vs. Charm City Murder (2-3)
When I read Andre's team name, I hear Gerard Butler saying it in my head:

Dre has the potential to get "murdered" himself this week with his trio of Giants (Eli, Jacobs, and Steve Smith 2.0) taking on the difficult Saints defense. Despite the fact that he's starting Jake Delhomme, I'll take the #2 Power-Ranked Bitch Chokers.

Chip Lohmiller (4-1) vs. Bardois Bourgeoisie (3-2)
Speaking of the Power Rankings, this is our top match-up of the week, featuring #1 versus #3. Dekker is missing Reggie Wayne, which evens the playing field a bit and makes this a tough one to call. Bardey has Matt Hasselbeck taking on the lousy Cardinals' pass D, but I think I have to give the edge to Maurice Jones-Drew and Mike Sims-Walker going against the awful St. Louis Rams. Lohmiller triumphant.

Juse and the Argonauts (2-3) vs. Alligator Fuckhouse (3-2)
Here, on the other hand, we have the #8 team against the #10 team. Souts is the lower-ranked of those two, but I like his Patriots (Brady & Welker) taking on the Titans this week. He's also currently operating out of my beloved double-tight end set, which means I am contractually obligated to pick the Fuckhouse.

Cholish Chachfaces (3-2) vs. Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-2)
I gotta say, both these teams look pretty shitty to me right now. Dick is still starting Derrick Ward. His last 4 weeks: 3 points, 0 points, 0 points, 3.5 points. Has Derrick Ward done something that I forgot about to justify his continued presence in this line-up? Can LaDainian Tomlinson or Michael Bush get some love? Whoever ends up starting, I'll still give the win to the Chachfaces.

FUBAR (1-4) vs. I'm Here for the Gangbang (3-2)
I'm tired of writing game previews. I need some coffee. And I don't really think either of these guys reads the blog anyway. Ummmmmm... Gangbang.
Last week: 3-3
Overall: 20-10

Good luck to everyone this week, except for Billy. You can make yourself a fancy Hollywood lawyer, and climb all the African mountains you like, but you're still a grown man named "Billy." Grow the fuck up, man.