NBD - Week 1 Review A

Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.

What is it about a full day of admiring some of the world's elite athletes that turns us into such complete gluttons? Here are some of the things I shoved into my mouthhole yesterday: coffee, beer, bacon cheeseburger sliders, beer, Irish car bombs (for the Dads and Elliott, that's a shot of Jameson dropped into a half-pint of Guinness), beer, cold pizza, pretzels, onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake. I've pooped no less than seven times since I got back from the sports bar yesterday, and I don't think I'm done yet. My asshole feels like a team of monkeys went to work with Brillo pads down there. Anal bleeding - and, similarly, the Redskins loss - aside, though, it was a wonderful first day of football (Thursday doesn't really count). We had career-best performances, dramatic endings, and unexpected breakouts. Let's see how it all affected the Native Burke Dwellers:

Bartelby (84) defeats No Fun League (62)
After a 12th-place finish in 2007 and an 11th-place finish in 2008, the Chief embarks on the 2009 season with 10th place firmly within his sights. He's off to a good start after this Week 1 victory over a team that will surely be duking it out with him for those bottom spots in the standings all season long: No Fun League. It must be No Fun indeed, fielding a team whose top receiver, Anquan Boldin, scored less than 2 points; whose kicker, Josh Brown, scored no points at all; whose Defense, the Bears, lost their anchor and top player to injury for the entire season; and whose tight end, Anthony Fasano, managed to score negative points. Bartelby, on the other hand, got off to a good start thanks to his (finally available) early-round talent, Frank Gore (17 pts), Ryan Grant (13 pts), and keeper Greg Jennings (19 pts). With an unexpectedly good contribution from Devin Hester (15 pts) and a bench that appears to have some start-worthy talent (John Carlson - 22 pts, Cadillac Williams - 16 pts), Ray J must be feeling bullish about 2009.

OK normally this season I'll be trying to do two game re-caps a day on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but with two Monday Night games featuring the fantasy-heavy Pats and Chargers, every other NBD game still has some fight left in it, so the rest of the slate will have to wait.