BIFL - Week 1 Review B

Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.

If you haven't checked Part A yet, click here.

I saw the movie "9" today, and let me just say that if you love sock puppets, the show "Destroy! Build! Destroy!" featuring Andrew WK, and the apocalypse, this is the film for you. I don't want to give too much away, but it involves the last human on earth imbuing these little ragdoll creations of his with life. Not unlike the way I use this blog to bring life to the empty tallying of numbers and statistics that is fantasy football. Segue!

Charm City Kung Fu Rodents (87) defeat Cholish Chachfaces (75)
In my Week 1 Previews and Predictions, I noted that "Tony Romo should have no problem carving up the no-longer-fearsome Tampa 2;" "Larry Fitzgerald will almost certainly get the better of Josh Morgan in their receiver match-up;" and predicted that the Chargers run game would be more successful than the air attack. Well, Romo romped to 34 points, Fitzgerald scored 13.5 points to Josh Morgan's 3, and Darren Sproles and LaDainian Tomlinson combined for 23 points, the same as Mark's combo of Philip Rivers and Vincent Jackson. Now, I admit that those weren't terribly bold or against-the-grain predictions, but in light of all the players I accuse of sucking who routinely prove me wrong, I wanted to point out that I am occasionally right. Beyond Romo and Fitgerald, only Dustin Keller (10.5 pts) really contributed for the Rodents this week, but considering the uniform mediocrity on the Chachface side of things, that was enough to get it done. Mark has to be worried about Steve Smith (3 pts), who is undoubtedly one of the most talented receivers in the game, but who is currently catching passes from a guy playing some absolutely atrocious football. Here's hoping Delhomme can either find his way, or the Panthers can find somebody to replace him.

Merriman's Bitch Chokers (134) defeat Chip Lohmiller (103)
I have long been on record as an Adrian Peterson hater. Coming into the league, I thought he was going to be an injury-prone bust, and fantasy-wise, he's been owned by Will in BIFL and Elliott in NBD, and those are the two owners whose teams I love to hate the most. We're entering year 3 of the Peterson era, and I still hate him, but now I hate him more like I hate LeBron James and hated Michael Jordan: he's just too fucking good. In this run on Sunday

he appears to be angry at #24 Eric Wright not for trying to tackle him, which was basically a lost cause, but for thinking that he might be able to tackle him. He's so mad, in fact, that he turns around and needlessly slows down to punch #22 Brandon McDonald in the face before streaking ahead for a touchdown. This fucker is so mean. We get it, AP, or AD, or whatever. You're good. You don't have to be a dick about it.
OK my little Peterson tirade means that I'll just briefly mention that the rest of Will's team was really good this week, too, with Greg Jennings (22), John Carlson (21), Peyton Manning (16), and Cadillac Williams (15) all chipping in on Week 1's high score. Chalski, in a losing effort, got very respectable days from Reggie Wayne (24.5) and Maurice Jones-Drew (17). From my perch at Off the Wagon (NYC's Cheapest Sports Bar!) I got to see a lot of that Jags-Colts game, and I will tell you this: Reggie looked good, making plenty of athletic, line-dancing catches, and MoJo appeared to be either running or receiving the ball on roughly 90% of Jacksonville's offensive downs. If that guy's still alive come Week 10, I'll be shocked.

Two more games to go in tomorrow's Part C.