NBD - Week 3 Previews & Predictions

Charles came to town this weekend, and on Friday night we went out pretty hard, ending the evening at NYC nightclub Sway. While swigging bottle-service vodka-cranberries and dancing around like an idiot, I lost track of Charles. When 4am rolled around, I was ready to leave but he was nowhere to be found, so I cabbed home alone and left the door open. When I awoke that morning and emerged from my room, there was Charles, on the air mattress in the living room of my new apartment (the apartment I share with two new roommates, one of whom is a girl) with some rando chick. Charles introduced her to me as his "new girlfriend," and she promptly told me that she couldn't find her underwear, and that I might find it later hidden somewhere in the living room. It was also readily apparent that they did not know each other's names, a fact that was later confirmed by Charles himself. The word your probably looking for right now is "classy."

On to P&P.

The Death Panel (1-1) vs. Roger's Oyster Lunch (1-1)
Mmmm. I do love Oysters. And Drew Brees. He's going against Buffalo today, who Yahoo tells me is the 31st-ranked pass defense. That seems like good news. Even better news is that Derek's team sucks, so all I probably need is one big day (Matt Forte, you seem due) to take this one for The Panel.

You Got Got (1-1) vs. Get It in the Can (1-1)
Man, there's a lot of getting in this one. Last week, Chris Johnson went nuts on the Texans. He won't be playing them again this week, but his YGG teammate Maurice Jones-Drew will, probably to similar effect. Haller's team is taking on a bunch of shitbag defenses, though, so this could be a close one. I'll still go with You Got Got to get the victory, though.

Burke City Giants (2-0) vs. Deuceburger (2-0)
We've only got three undefeated teams in the league, and after this match-up one of them will be gone. As a rule, I generally haven't been picking against Michael's team or Adrian Peterson, but I've got to do one of those things here. I'm not sure what Randy Moss's deal is, but that big red Q next to his name gives me pause, especially after a very humdrum Week 2. Let's go with the Burger in this one, on the strength of a big day by Darren Sproles.

Bartelby (2-0) vs. Woody's Warriors (0-2)
Last year these two were duking it out for last place. Now they find themselves at opposite ends of the standings (though I admit it's awfully early to be talking about "standings"). Woodrow is still starting Torry Holt and LenDale White, who've totalled 17 fantasy points this season, so I imagine he's not going to be leaving the cellar anytime soon. Ray won't get another 40-point day from Frank Gore going against Minnesota, but Greg Jennings has got to do better than last week's 0-fer, so Bartelby carries the day.

Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (0-2) vs. I'm at the Pizza Hut (0-2)
Chapel Hill residents will finally be able to rest easy tonight, knowing that one of their fantasy football franchises has finally secured a win. It won't be pretty, though, as both of these teams are hideous. I don't think either team will really come out a "winner," but I'll take Pizza Hut to score more points.

Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe (1-1) vs. Wild Stallions (1-1)
I will admit that when I first saw Papkin's new team name, I laughed. But... I generally have a problem with having a player in your team name who isn't actually on your team, and Papkin does not have Dwayne Bowe. It also reeks of something Chris Berman would say, which is just unacceptable. So that, plus the fact that two of Sam's backs are questionable, leads me to pick the Stallions without even really looking at their roster.

Last week: 5-1
Overall: 9-3
Good luck to everyone this week, except for Derek. Derek, we don't share enough personal history for me to have anything clever to say to you, but know this: I fucking hate you.