BIFL - Week 1 Review A

Quick note: this year, instead of putting out a full week's worth of game reviews in one post, I'll be spreading them out over a few days. This makes it easier on me in that I can spend a little time each day writing instead of several hours on Tuesday or Wednesday night, and better for you in that you can check Commandant Lassard almost any day and there will be some new content, and if you (gasp) don't check every day, you can just scroll down and see what you missed.

For those of you who haven't heard: I'm unemployed. My teaching certification expired this spring, and even though I fulfilled the requirements to re-new it this summer, New York City put on a hiring freeze for teachers, so my principal was unable to re-hire me. So now I'm out a job. Oh, and I'm homeless. My lease ran out at the end of august, and both my roommates moved back to DC. For the past week I've been crashing with Bost and Delconte (special thanks to them for being excellent - and largely absent - hosts). So my life is largely an empty, lifeless shell of what it was a few months ago. But all summer long, as my situation has become more and more hopeless, there has been one bright spot on the horizon. One lone ray of hope shining through the murk of despair: football season. And yesterday, at long last, it finally arrived. The results: the Skins lost to hated conference rivals, the Giants, and perhaps worse, my fantasy team lost to the awfulness that is Soutendijk. Fuck you, life. Fuck you very much.
Let's see who else has good reason to extend a long middle finger to the Lord above:

FU BAR (100+ 103.5) defeats Bardois Bourgeoisie (75)
Spencer's still got an IDP going tonight, but this one's already in the bag as Spence will only add to his already-sizable lead. Seems like a lot of the traditional, expected fantasy powerhouses came out flat in Week 1, and this contest was no exception. Bardey's top talents, Matt Forte and Andre Johnson, combined for 8.5 points, and Spencer's horse, Calvin Johnson, had a rather pedestrian 9 points. But at least one of 2008's fantasy monsters picked up where he left off last year, and then some. Drew Brees' six touchdowns were enough to give him a 40-point day. Normally relying on one player for 40% of your points would not be a good thing, but I feel confident that the Frogg (and Bardey, who owns Brees in the Uberleague, and I, who own him in NBD) would take that ratio every week if the New Orleans passing game keeps this up every week. Unfortunately, Brees can't take on the Lions every week, but if he can even approach last year's numbers, FU BAR should be in good shape.

Alligator Fuckhouse (71+ 122) defeats Ass-Ramming HotCocks (64)
Oh boy. Souts still has three big guns to go tonight (Tom Brady, Fred Jackson, Wes Welker), and already - unless those three combine for like 4 fumbles and no positive yardage - he's got me beat. This was a lousy week for the HotCocks, starting Chris Johnson's lackluster opening on Thursday night, and then continuing into Sunday, when John Clayton reported that Anquan Boldin would sit (he played, but only in a limited fashion) and then discovered that Kevin Walter was sitting as well, necessitating a last-minute iPhone substitution from the bar (thanks, Bardey). It didn't help. Boldin and Walter's replacements, Torry Holt and Austin Collie, gave me five big points, surpassed by my stud Michael Turner's massive six. Did I mention that Donovan McNabb broke a rib on Sunday? For those keeping track, that makes Boldin, Walter, McNabb, and Pierre Thomas all injured for me. Fuck. Meanwhile, Souts team was like a who's-who of guys who stand to make me look like an idiot. I called into question a lot of Souts' drafting decisions, and declared his keeper, Thomas Jones, "done." So, of course, Jones went for 26 and his little brother dropped 22 on the Fuckhouse bench. At this point, I'm looking for a huge night out of Brady-Welker so that at least I'll have lost to a strong opponent, and not just shitty old Soutendijk having a lucky week.

Check back in the next few days for the remaining BIFL Week 1 games.