BIFL - Week 3 Review A

As you know if you read my Previews & Predictions this week, I spent Sunday watching football at Fox Sports headquarters in midtown Manhattan. A friend of Souts is friends with a guy who does ad sales for Fox Sports, and he invited us to come to the viewing lounge there to watch the games. I wasn't sure what to expect, but when I got there I discovered an armchair quarterback's Shangri-La. There were eight big, beautiful TVs mounted on two walls, surrounding a sitting area full of plush leather chairs. There was an open bar. There were hot dogs. There were hamburgers. There was steak. There was shrimp. There was an open bar. There was couscous. There were old umpire masks on the wall. There was an open bar. There was a weird older lady wearing oversized headphones and wandering around. There were Sno-Caps, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Milk Duds. There was an open bar. It was magical, and all free. It really was a beautiful way to watch football. And it was maybe enough to soften what would have been an otherwise disastrous Sunday of football for us. I had to watch my Redskins lose to the lowly Lions, and Steve, in addition to watching his Bills lose, had to see this...


Cholish Chachfaces (84+ 89) defeat Alligator Fuckhouse (74)
Having ridden the Fred Jackson train through weeks 1 and 2, it must have been triply disappointing for Souts to watch him in Week 3. 1 - His Bills lost. 2 - Jackson's 9-point day was a huge letdown from the 32 point outlay ESPN was predicting, leaving Steve scrambling for points elsewhere. And 3 - This was Jackson's last chance to put his stamp on the starting RB job in Buffalo before the return of Marshawn Lynch, and the stamp of 70 rushing yards is not exactly indelible. Still, Freddie is not to blame for this loss, as his day was vastly superior to many of his fellow Fuckhousers, including Thomas Jones (4), Laurent Robinson (2), Tony Gonzalez (1), and Ted Ginn (0). Those shitiful days allowed Chalski to surge ahead on the shoulders of his San Diego connection. Philip Rivers (18) has been feeding Vincent Jackson (14) for an average of over a hundred yards a game now. Early 2008 was dominated by the Cutler-Marshall project, and now that that duo has split up, Rivers-Jackson appears to be taking up the mantle. The Chachfaces also got a solid performance from Knowshon Moreno (15) despite not being 100% and giving some carries to Correll Buckhalter.

Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (93+ 105) defeats Juse and the Argonauts (62)
The only exciting part of this game will be watching tonight to see if the Poon-Pounders, who still have DeAngelo Williams and Patrick Crayton to play, can manage to double the Argos' score. Santana Moss (27) was just about the only Redskin who appeared to be trying on Sunday, and surprise, surprise: when you try against the Lions you can score a shitload of fantasy points. If only that had occurred to head coach Jim Zorn, or injured crybaby Albert Haynesworth, or past-his-prime loudmouth Clinton Portis, then maybe the Redskins might not have lost to the lowliest football team in the league. (By the way: congrats Buccaneers; you guys are absolutely ready to take over the title. That team is for shit.) Also chipping in for Dick's squad were Kurt Warner (15), Nate Burleson (12), Ryan Longwell (12), and the Tight End Who Shall Not Be Named (12). Juse... has Steven Jackson (15) on his team. That's nice.

Tonight's Menomena to watch: The Kung Fu Rodents need at least 15 points out of Tony Romo to surpass the Bourgeoisie, which would snap a 6-game losing streak to that franchise. What's exciting about this is that it really won't be over until the game is. Even if Romo gets to like 20 points early, you know he's got a bunch of 4th-quarter interceptions and fumbles up his sleeve. I don't know who the Cowboys back-up is, but they should consider hiring some guy who doesn't have some obvious anxiety issues to take over QB duties in the fourth quarters of games. It would be like the NFL version of a closer.