Whoever gave the go-ahead to the series of Gap ads currently in heavy rotation featuring grade school children performing cheerleader-like chants deserves to have this done to him or her:
...and not just being swung, encased in a sleeping bag, into a tree, but the whole thing. They should have to go, with friends, to a cabin in the woods for a weekend of debauchery. They should be made to feel all the nervous, giddy excitement of a teenage girl ready to lose her virginity in a tent. And then a hulking, undead beast in a ghastly mask should machete his way into that tent, zip them inside a sleeping bag, and beat them to death against a tree.
God damn I hate those commercials. Now that I got that out of my system...
Round 1 of the 2009 Playoffs doubled as Family Feud week and tripled as a generational war, with the Toobins and Tarasovics squaring off in a pair of quarterfinal match-ups. While I would have been happy to claim familial superiority by seeing my dad and I both advance to the next round, I take solace in the fact that if my blood was not entirely successful, at least my age group was. For further details...
Mental Errors (102) defeat Harry Lance Hannibal (89)
On Wednesday morning last week, Elliott's $10 bid was processed and he acquired the Tennessee defense as a free agent. A little more than 24 hours later, Ray realized that his own defense (the Giants) had an unfavorable match-up and decided to grab a free agent as well, taking the Patriots. That day of delay (or under-bid?) on Ray's part may have cost him passage to the second round of the playoffs. Now I don't mean to imply that the rest of the Mental Errors didn't put in a solid effort, because they did. Dallas Clark (22) had an undeniably hateable three touchdowns, and Ricky Williams (16) continued to benefit from having taken the reins in Miami. But what really stands out is that 21-point performance out of the Tennessee Titans' D next to the measly six that Ray got from the Pats. Ray did make a valiant attempt to close the gap, getting Ryan Grant's best day of the year (26) and a tantalizing Monday night effort from Frank Gore (24), who was gaining the type of yardage where a 50-yard breakaway touchdown to bring the game into real contention did not seem impossible. But ultimately, just like we knew they would, this team simply had too many shitters (Antonio Bryant 2, Donnie Avery 1, Greg Olsen 1). Sorry, Dad. Nice season.
The Death Panel (125) defeats Burke City Giants (108)
I was fortunate to spend this Sunday at Brooklyn's finest (or at least TViest) sports bar, 200 Fifth, in honor of Joe Colly's first return to the borough since departing back in August. Everyone had a good time all day long, especially as the occasion was marked by a rare Skins victory. But one glorious stretch - the first half of the first round of games - was absolutely magical for me, because it was the finest half of fantasy football I have ever had. It might have been one of the best fantasy halves any team has ever had. In that half, Andre Johnson (32) had 184 yards and two touchdowns. Ray Rice (26) had 204 all-purpose yards and a touchdown. Drew Brees (24) had already completed two of the day's three touchdowns. Derrick Mason (15) caught a 64-yard touchdown pass. And Chad Ochocinco (9) dawned a sombrero and serape.* By the time all the early games had reached halftime, I was already over the century mark. Things slowed down quite a bit by then, but it was enough to put me safely ahead of Michael for good. Not that I wasn't nervous. The Giants brought some firepower. Jamaal Charles (24), who will probably be a pretty awesome keeper next year, nearly matched Ray Rice's day. Peyton Manning (22) was only a few off the pace set by Brees. And the Philly D (19) managed some serious scoring despite giving up 38 points on Sunday night. But I was saved by good old Randy Moss (0), who finally got his revenge on the Giants for that SuperBowl defeat by taking the day off when they needed him most. And so ends Michael Toobin's attempts to just have fun for 2009. Sorry, dad. Nice season.
*not really, that was last week, but it seemed a fitting punctuation mark to that list.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
HLH bids this season adieu. Toobin the Younger was too strong for me a second straight week. My progression through the NBD ranks has been 12, 11, 6. What does that portend for next year? The bloodline participation, however, continues. Though I have great affinity for Joe C. and the Boos, I am compelled to transfer my Karmic energy to the Slovak progeny and the Death Panel. My lesson learned this year is that good players on good teams trump good players every time. My draft preparation has begun. Congrats to the Final Four. I may draft a resurgent and employed Tim Duckett in the first round. Having watched the bumbling Panthers all season, I was quite comfortable with the New England defense. I needed Jake in there to throw four interceptions. While the Panthers only scored 10 points, I got no turnovers and no D touchdowns. As Vonnegut would say, "So it goes". Thanks Lassard for making it fun.
Post a Comment