BIFL - Week 13 Review A

The dust has settled, the air is cleared, and the 2009 BIFL regular season has come to an end. We now know who is in the playoffs and who is out. Congratulations to Dekker, Souts, Billy, Bardey, Will and me: your second season starts now. To the rest of you: better luck next year. Later in the week I'll be publishing two new sets of Power Rankings, one ranking the playoff teams and their odds of success here in the post-season, and one ranking the consolation bracket and the strength of their keepers for next season. For now, though, let's dive into the last week of Biffle aught-nine.


Bardois Bourgeoisie (116) defeat Alligator Fuckhouse (106)
Coming into this week, Souts was sitting atop the Eastern Division, looking at a first-round bye. Bardey was sitting on the fringes of the playoff picture, looking for a way in. Oh how things can change in a week. The Fuckhouse didn't just cough up that bye, though; they came to play. Despite losing and fucking my Deadlock bets, Tom Brady (24) had a nice week throwing for two touchdowns and 350 yards, with more than half of that yardage going to Wes Welker (18). Rashard Mendenhall (18) matched Welker's production, and Thomas Jones (12) was decent. But the bottom of the Fuckhouse line-up sputtered a bit (16 combined from Sidney Rice, Heath Miller, and Tony Gonzalez), leaving the door open for the Bourgeoisie. And that open door was all Bardey needed, posting his highest point total since Week 8 and possibly his most balanced attack of the season. Not one of the Bourgies cracked the 20-point barrier, but not many were below 10 points either. Vernon Davis (19) was the high man on the totem pole, followed closely by the triad of Brett Favre, Brandon Marshall, and Andre Johnson scoring 15 points each. Matt Forte (14) had a nice day at the Rams' expense, and even kicker Shayne Graham (13) kicked in. This was team football at its finest, and it hooked me up with a Bye. Thanks, Dois!

Pet Monkey (101) defeats I'm Here for the Gangbang (64)
In another match-up of teams trying to squeak their way into the post-season, the 6-6 Monkey squared off against the 6-6 Gangbang. Billy may have been a little frustrated and annoyed that he had the same record, and needed to defeat, a team with more than 220 less points that him on the season, but a decisive ass-kicking and a playoff berth should ease those ills. Chuck's team, never a powerhouse, didn't stand much of a chance from the start as the declaration that Steve Slaton was inactive (and later, out for the season) managed to escape his attention. Slaton's 0 on the scoreboard hurts, but it does look right at home next to the rest of these shitbox days: Joe Flacco (4), Frank Gore (3), Steve Breaston (1), and Greg Olsen (0). A couple of Gangbang receivers did show up (Roy Williams and Roddy White, 18 each), but it was hardly enough to contest with Billy's crew. In a sentence that I have typed seemingly twelve times already this season, Pet Monkey were led by Aaron Rodgers (21). Joseph Addai (19), Jason Witten (17) and Randy Moss (14) all followed Rodgers' lead and brought Billy his seventh victory in eight games, and impressive second-half run. In all of those games, the Monkey have scored more than 95 points. Could this quietly be the hottest team in the league going into the playoffs? I'm sure Souts isn't that psyched about finding out in Week 14.