BIFL - Week 13 Review C & Power Rankings 2.2

As promised, we finish off the Week 13 Reviews with a Power Ranking of the Playoff teams. As usual, I took a scientific approach, setting my personal feelings and biases aside (note: not really) and looking at the statistics. Here's what I came up with:
Methodology:
First, I took the top quarterback, two running backs, three receivers, and tight end (or two receivers and two tight ends) from each team and averaged their scores from the past six weeks. I summed these averages to come up with each team's expected offensive outcome (kickers and IDPs being too big a crapshoot to consider, in my opinion). Next, I looked at the opponentss for each player for the next three weeks, assigning each opponent a + (if they were ranked in the bottom third in terms of points allowed to that position), a 0 (if they were in the middle third), or a - (if they were in the top third). For the teams with byes, I only used their opponents for weeks 15 and 16. This produced a schedule factor. I then combined the Expected Offensive Output (EOO) with the Schedule Factor (SF), as well as my own knowledge of trends and feelings about these players going forward, to create these rankings. Enjoy.

2009 Playoff Power Rankings
6) Alligator Fuckhouse (Souts)
EOO: 87, SF: -3
This is a good opportunity for me to point out that all the playoff teams are good, and I wouldn't be surprised to see any of them, including the #6-ranked, to win a game. That said, Souts has the second-lowest EOO and the worst schedule. Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Sidney Rice, and Tony Gonzalez all have negative match-ups for the both of the first two weeks of the play-offs, and most of the rest of the team has one in one of those weeks as well. By the time things ease up a bit in Week 16, they'll probably be in the 5th- or 3rd-place game.
 
5) Bardois Bourgeoisie (Bardey)
EOO: 85, SF: -1
Doit comes into the playoffs hot, having won his last three in a row. But despite that streak, it's hard to give a lot of credit to a team that's counting on Matt Forte and Kevin Smith as its top running backs. And while Andre Johnson and Brandon Marshall is a great receiving combo, the WR3 slot is currently occupied by Braylon Edwards, who is... well, Braylon Edwards. It was a nice run to get into the playoffs, Bardois, but I fear that might be it.
 
4) Merriman's Bitch Chokers (Shoaf)
EOO: 86, SF: +3
Shoaf gave me some kind of justification the other day for how good his team was. Something about Peyton Manning being among the top three quarterbacks, Adrian Peterson and Ricky Williams both being among the top six running backs, etc. Somehow, all I see when I look at the roster is Greg Jennings and Donnie Avery, not to mention a much-cooled-down Brent Celek (13 points over the past three weeks). I should note, however, that he does have the best opponent schedule of any playoff team, especially in Week 15, with four positive match-ups and only one negative one (for Celek). That might be just enough for him to make it to the BIFL Bowl... and lose it for the twelfth straight year.
 
3) Chip Lohmiller (Dekker)
EOO: 95, SF: -1
I was surprised to see that the team I considered the league's powerhouse did not, in fact, have the highest EOO. As I look over the recent stats, though, I notice that MJD has seen a decrease in scoring in each of the last four weeks; Matt Schaub has only broken 20 once in five weeks; Reggie Wayne is averaging less tha seven points in his last three games; and DeSean Jackson recently suffered a concussion. What would have been the prohibitive favorite a few weeks back is now only third, with the caveat that they may just be a slumbering monster, ready to wake and devour us all.
 
2) Pet Monkey (Hollywood)
EOO: 93, SF: +2
I would like to take a moment here to point out that I wrote the original Power Rankings for this season nearly two months ago, and five of the top six teams from those rankings ended up our playoff teams. That included then-#5 Billy, who was 0-5 at the time. Since then, this team has won seven of eight and comes into the playoffs having forgotten how to lose. They look forward to the post-season with the top fantasy quarterback in the game and a good-looking schedule. The only team with a rosier outlook is...
 
1) Ass-Ramming HotCocks (Sovic)
EOO: 100, SF: +2
The numbers don't lie, bitches. I wasn't expecting it myself, but it turns out my squad has the highest Expected Offensive Output in the league, and our schedule for the playoffs is looking good. Really, most of this team is no better than any of the others on the list, but then there's Chris Johnson. I won't feel bad if I win the title on the strength of him alone. But the rest of you should.
 
So now that we know that I'll be taking this thing in a few weeks, let's take on final look back on the Week 13 games and see how we got to this point:
 
Chip Lohmiller (78) defeats Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (59)
I can barely muster enough enthusiasm to write about these now week-old games, and this game isn't helping any. Dick also had some difficulty getting excited, apparently, as he couldn't be bothered to take DeAngelo Williams (0) out of his line-up, despite the fact that it was announced well before the game that he wouldn't be playing. That allowed Dekker to take this one, even with a relatively paltry scoring effort. Antonio Gates (18) was the high scorer, and Percy Harvin (15) had a decent day, but that was about it. And that was about all it took.
 
Juse and the Argonauts (111) defeat Merriman's Bitch Chokers (88)
Dekker was not the only highly-ranked playoff team who shit the bed in Week 13. Shoaf's team was similarly ineffective, and though he scored more, unlike Dekker his ineptitude led to a loss. And this one probably cost him a bye. Ouch. To his credit, even a good day by the Bitch Chokers might have had a hard time overcoming Juse this week. The core Argonauts were outstanding, with Brandon Jacobs (24), Larry Fitzgerald (22), Chad Ochocinco (21) and Cedric Benson (14) all killing it. It remains to be seen if Justin matched their success in his residency interviews here in the Northeast this week. I hope he did.
 
Enjoy the playoffs.