NBD - Week 5 Review B

If you scanned the waiver wire or monitored league transactions this week, you know it was kind of a slow one. Not many breakout stars emerged in Week 5, and now that we're getting deeper into the season, we're probably likely to see more and more low-budget bye week fill-ins and less and less big-budget swings for the fences. The biggest expenditure this week was $8, which Joe paid for Kenny Britt. If Britt sounds familiar, it's probably either because you're thinking of one half of Flight of the Conchords (Hey Brit!) or you remember that I took Britt in the fifth round of this year's draft. That's right, fifth round. If that horrifies you, imagine how I feel. Within days of the draft, I was beginning to regret the Britt pick, and after Week 1, where he scored 0 points, I decided not to hold on to him simply because I'd drafted him high and I cut bait. Yet here we are a month later, and Britt has scored 32 points over the last three weeks. And when I look back at the draft results, I have a hard time finding another wide receiver taken in the next few rounds after Britt that I'd rather have. So who's the bigger idiot: the Sovic that drafted Britt in the 5th, or the Sovic that dropped Britt after a week? And is there a chance that Colly just snapped up a legit wide receiver for a mere $8? Whatever the answer, I'm pretty sure I come out looking like a moron. Awesome. Speaking of my idiocy, let's do some more re-caps:


Worthless (94) defeats McClusterfuck (88)
So if you read my Menomena preview on Monday night, you read that I was counting on Santonio Holmes to help me overcome Papkin's two-point lead, a difficult proposition considering that Holmes' quarterback, Mark Sanchez, was starting for the Worthless ones. What I failed to mention was that I also had the opportunity to sub Shonn Greene in for Santonio at the flex. My reasoning in keeping Greene on the bench was that Minnesota has a stifling run defense, and if the Jets were going to get anywhere on the ground, it would probably be with LaDainian Tomlinson. With Holmes returning from his suspension, it would make sense for the Jets to want to get him involved, right? Well, sort of. They did seem to make efforts to get Holmes' season started off well, but his night (4 pts) was hardly enough to put me past Papkin and Sanchez (8). On my bench? Greene went for 12. Fuck me. And fuck me again for choosing the St. Louis Rams (-3) as my spot-start defense. And fuck me thrice for undermining what should have been a victorious moment: getting 31 points out of Matt Forte, whom I got from Haller a few weeks ago via trade. That was my first trade since Papkin fleeced me for Vernon Davis last year, who got his revenge once again this week (16 pts). Worthless-wise, he was topped only by Hakeem Nicks (25), who has been making some incredible catches all year long and has already had two games of at least 25 fantasy points. Perhaps as impressive as Nicks' season is the consistency of Steven Jackson, who has 12.5, 12.4, 12.4, and 12.6 points over the past four weeks. I'm sure Papkin wouldn't mind a Sunday or two where he blows up, but lacking that you can't top that kind of dependability. Equally dependable: Papkin not reaching triple-digits. Hasn't happened yet this season. Nice.

Burke City Giants (79) defeat Sir Lucious Left Fut (70)
Our other Menomena of the week came in the War of the Toobins, whose fate rested on the Giants' Randy Moss. Needless to say for those who watched, the Favre-Moss combo got off to a predictable start, with Favre hitting Moss (14) on the kind of deep end-zone bomb that we'll probably be seeing a lot of the rest of this season. It's hard to think of a more appropriate pairing than these two assholes, and now we'll be hearing about them for the rest of the year. Sweet. Besides Mr. Moss, there wasn't a lot to write home about for the Giants, with their highest scorer coming on defense (Philadelphia, 18). The Giants win is especially impressive (or, you might say, lucky) considering that Peyton Manning (8) had probably the worst fantasy day I can ever remember him having. This should have led to him getting blown out by his competition, the incredible Aaron Rodgers. But Rodgers was actually held relatively well in check (18 - his second-worst of the season) by the Redskins, who made it two straight weeks of taking out high-profile quarterbacks when they concussed him late in the game. Perhaps Michael Toobin and Peyton Manning should beware. Other than Rodgers, Sir Lucious' top scorer was Antonio Gates (15), although at the rate he's been going that actually feels like a slow week. With less than four points combined from the RBs and eleven combined from the WRs, apparently the feeling on SLLF was contagious.

Sex with a Pharaoh (113) defeats Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (83)
It's been a dramatic, up-and-down season for Sex with a Pharaoh, who already boast a scoring range of over 100 points. This week was a definite Up, and it's largely on the shoulders of replacement QB Shaun Hill (22). Is there any better feeling in fantasy than when you make a desperation play to fill in for an injured or bye-week player, and it ends up coming up huge? I submit that there is not (and full disclosure: I started Hill over in BIFL, so I share Colly's joy this week). Of course, SwaP could have won this game even starting the injured Michael Vick, thanks to the strength of their other contributors: the Cowboys combo of Miles Austin (23) and Jason Witten (14) had a big day, despite the fact that they lost to the blessed Titans. And while Cletus' RB tandem wasn't stellar (11 and 10, respectively, for Best and Peterson), they were solid enough to hold off the MRLD duo of Cedric Benson (18) and Michael Turner (14). Besides those two, only Joe Flacco (16) reached double-digits among Koehler's offensive players, with the rest of the squad largely blah.

Chris Ivory's Black (100) defeat Woody's Warriors (85)
Haller's new name made me think of this old chestnut:

Not as funny as I remembered it, but still kind of good. You know what is not good, not good at all, though? Playing a guy who's on a bye. It's just really, really lame. We've been doing this for a looong time now. It's football season. You've had to set a fantasy football line-up every sunday during the fall for the past seven years. It's really not difficult. And in the case of Sherwood, who left Brandon Marshall (0, because he was on a fucking BYE) in the line-up, it wouldn't have even taken any free agent action. You pull Michael Crabtree (17) from your flex to that WR2 spot, you plug in Darren Sproles (3), Brandon Jacobs (10), or Willis McGahee (13) from the bench, and you're set. Granted, none of those moves would have won you the game, but you do it anyway, dammit. Get your shit together, Woodrow.
Unless you've got some really good excuse, in which case, sorry about all that.
Anyways, Haller won this week not just because Sherwood is a terrible owner, but also because Ray Rice (28) had his first outing of the season that looked like what we were expecting from him pre-draft. Roddy White (16) has been far more consistent, scoring in double-figures every week, with this being his best so far. Those two, combined with Drew Brees (16), helped to ensure that the loss of Jermichael Finley (0, and a potentially season-ending injury) didn't hit Haller too hard.