Oh and in case you have no idea what I'm talking about, check this out: http://deadspin.com/5658206/brett-favres-cellphone-seduction-of-jenn-sterger
As for BIFL, and our cocks, we've got a couple of Menomenas going:
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon vs. Your Stepdad
Perhaps the most amazing sub-plot of the Randy Moss trade is that it gives Dekker a second straight monday night in which he's depending on Moss to win his fantasy match-up. Last week, Moss fucked Ben in not one but two leagues, but he must have imagined once he woke up on Tuesday morning that the pain was over. No such luck. This week, Your Stepdad holds an 11.5-point lead with Moss still to go, and he'll be trying to hold that lead against Dick's combination of Favre, Braylon Edwards, and Ryan Longwell. ESPN projects the Iron Chef to come away with the victory, but I think the fantasy gods might have a say in a game between a guy who got fucked so royally last week and a guy who didn't even set his line-up last week.
Juse and the Argonauts vs. Cow Fister
This one is pretty well out of reach, with Justin boasting a 30-point lead over the heretofore undefeated Cow Fisters. But if there was one guy I'd pick to help me overcome a 30-point deficit, it'd be Chris Johnson. And if there was a second guy I'd pick to help me overcome a 30-point deficit, it'd be Adrian Peterson, who is actually on Shoaf's team. He'll be working with Santonio Holmes to help eclipse that sizeable margin, but if the Argos' Percy Harvin has any kind of night, it'll surely spell the end of Shoaf's perfect season.
Of course, not every match-up can be a Menomena. Some of our contests are already over, and here are a few of them:
Ass-Ramming HotCocks (127) defeat Cholish Chachfaces (84)
I'm not gonna lie, my team was pretty fucking awesome this week. Despite starting receiver held without a catch (Mario Manningham) and a tight end who got injured very early in the game (Jermichael Finley), we still managed to grab the top score coming out of Sunday (though Chuck will likely surpass us tonight). The big numbers came from a variety of sources. Some of them are to be expected: Chris Johnson (27) and Michael Turner (16) looked like the league's best backfield combo to start the season and this was the week they proved it. But some unexpected contributors really led this charge: Malcom Floyd (33) had an absolutely monstrous day, going for 213 yards and a touchdown, and even more impressively Shaun Hill (21) stepped into the HotCock revolving door of quarterbacks and came out the other side with 227 yards and three touchdowns. Way to step up, Shaun! I'm still worried sick about my quarterback situation, but for one week you allayed my anxiety. With Hill matching Chalski's Eli Manning (21), all the HotCocks had to do was overcome the running back tandem of Mike Tolbert (7) and Chris Ivory (3), which was not too tall an order. Vernon Davis (18) had a strong day for the Chachfaces, but not nearly strong enough.
Kurt Beran (126+) defeats Pet Monkey (78+)
From Week 1 to Week 2, Chuck's scoring improved by about 20 points. From Week 2 to Week 3, 10 points higher. Week 3 to Week 4, 20 points higher. And assuming a halfway decent night by LaDainian Tomlinson, he'll climb at least another 10 points tonight. At this rate, we can look for the K-Bers to be posting scores in the 300s by the end of the season. This could make it difficult for the rest of us to stay competitive. Still, there has to be a point at which Brandon Lloyd (31) remembers what an absolute shitter he was for years with the Redskins, and finds a way to recapture some of that shittiness with the Broncos. But he'll still probably see a few more days like the one Tony Romo (28) had, or Roddy White (20) had, as the season progresses, and LDT looks legit, so this may be the best Chester-led team ever. Hell, this week they got eight points out of a receiver named Mike Thomas, and I write 1,000 words of fantasy analysis every week and I don't even know who that is. In the face of such dominance, Billy stood little chance, especially with the Redskins keeping Aaron Rodgers (16) below his usual output and Maurice Jones-Drew (8) failing to capitalize against a Buffalo defense that many had predicted he would annihilate. Eight points for Mike Thomas? A nice surprise. Eight points for Maurice Jones-Drew? Not exactly an annihilation. Maybe next week.
2 comments:
How come losing to Juse doesn't feel that bad? I mean, when I think of people who I DON'T want to ever lose to, I think of of Viche, Dois, Souts, Billy, and most of all...Dick. However, when I think of losing to Juse, I just think back to that goofy DTD hat that his mom bought him and I smile. Mr. Rousseau, thanks for making my first loss as palatable as possible.
It's my pleasure, Will. I like to make sure my medicine goes down smoothly. It's kind of like losing to the Bills. With such a rich history of losing, everyone feels good when the Bills win.
Post a Comment