BIFL - Week 4 Review A

"I make a living in the movies, but for the past 20 years, I've also been a cop. And along with some of the finest officers on the force, I serve the people of Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. My name is Steven Seagal. That's right, Steven Seagal, Deputy Sherriff."

If you're not watching this show on A&E, I honestly don't know what you could be doing with your time that makes life worth living. The same man who broke a thousand arms backward in a hundred movies that featured the "BN" tag for brief nudity in their HBO intros is now the star of his own reality show, detailing his exploits as a Louisiana cop. We also get to see him practice his samurai swordsmanship, front a blues band, and totally change his diction and accent when dealing with black perps/complainants (note: this would be even funnier if it weren't tinged with the awareness that I also speak totally differently to black people - mostly cab drivers - when I'm drunk, referring to them repeatedly as "brother").

Anyways, if you get a chance, check out 'Steven Seagal: Lawman;' it's the perfect accompaniment to some fantasy football game re-caps.
I'm Fucking In (128) defeats Alligator Fuckhouse (92)
You'd be hard-pressed to find two players who are dominating their positions, fantasy-wise, more than Arian Foster and Antonio Gates this year. These dudes have been awesome all year, and this week even moreso (34 for Foster,  28 for Gates). Considering that they both play for Spencer, and are teammates with Drew Brees (17 this week), it's kind of amazing that Spence has lost a game. It should be noted, though, that that loss was to me, featured Spence's lowest total of the year (116!) and would have been a win with four more points. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a powerhouse on our hands. I'm really hoping that as Tess's pregnancy advances, Spence will spend less and less time focusing on his team and that in Week 14 he'll accidentally start Mohammed Massaquoi, but until that happens I'm a little frightened. Souts was no slouch this week either, featuring a running back combo that I would have laughed at a month ago - Peyton Hillis and Ahmad Bradshaw - that outscored my supposedly unbeatable pair - Chris Johnson and Michael Turner - by nearly 27 points. That power was no match for the Kenny Powers juggernaut, though. And speaking of Kenny Powers... after a season and two episodes of Eastbound and Down, I still have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about this show. Am I supposed to care about Kenny Powers? Because if I am, then why do they make him such a horrible, insufferable asshole? And if I'm not, then why do we sometimes get like 15 straight minutes of an episode without any real humor, with just the miserable, depressing life of a has-been pitcher? Don't get me wrong, there are moments of brilliance, but until the producers make up there mind of what I'm supposed to with this show, I can't get 100% into it.

Kurt Beran (121) defeats Juse and the Argonauts (51)
Actual quote from this episode of "Steven Seagal: Lawman": "When I was their age, I was spending 14 hours a day in a dojo... training." Awesome. Anyways...
Last week, I was singing Juse's praises for sticking by perennial disappoinment Darren McFadden and pouncing on Mike Vick when he had the chance. This week, those praises seemed ill-founded. To be fair, DMC still led the team in scoring, but 12 points is not what you want from your leading scorer, and a hamstring injury may indicate that McFadden's brief run as a solid fantasy back may have come to an end. Meanwhile, his run-in with the Redskins left Vick battered and bruised, scoring only 2 points and potentially missing the next few weeks. Looks like the Argos are right back where we're used to them: posting league-low point totals. Good to have you back, Juse.
Chuck is right back where I like him, too. He's got a 2-2 record, which means he's doing fine but not threatening to run over the league or anything. He posted a solid point total this week with players I like, but he relied on David Garrard (24), who will likely never match that point total again, and LaDainian Tomlinson (29), who is having an awesome comeback season that I'm really enjoying but will probably be a paraplegic by Week 10, rendering Chuck a non-entity in the fantasy playoffs. I will feel comfortable rooting for this team for the rest of the regular season.

Vatican Dragons (98) defeat Ass-Ramming HotCocks (77)
With his running backs - Ronnie Brown and Matt Forte - combining for four points, and his wide receivers - Reggie Wayne, DeSean Jackson, and Lee Evans - combining for twenty points (and 95% of that coming from Wayne), you'd be right to wonder how in the fuck Andre got to nearly 100 points this weekend. The answer lies in the beauty of this league: I... D... Ps. Charles Woodson, Justin Tuck, and James Anderson, who I've never heard of, combined for 41 points this week, which is just absolutely insane. That is more than my starting running backs, wide receivers, and tight ends combined. Another owner might bitch about that, but I love IDPs and I love that every once in a while they can completely sway a game, so I'll take this loss like a man and try not to mention that my high scorers were Chad Henne (16) and Matt Prater (14), which hardly sounds like a defending champion roster. Nice D, Dre.

More tomorrow.