BIFL - Week 8 Review C

We're less than two hours from the start of Week 9, which seems as good a time as any to finish off the Week 8 re-caps.

Cholish Chachfaces (89) defeat Cow Fister (59)
Some truly awful decision-making went into this ugly fantasy face-off. Will's starting receivers - Santonio Holmes, David Gettis, and Hines Ward - combined for 5.5 points. Individually doubling that total on the bench were Michael Crabtree (11) and Danny Woodhead (12). Woodhead also could have replaced Felix Jones (3) at the RB2 spot, but that would have been better done by Michael Bush (16), who was also riding the pine. Overall, Cow Fister starters not named Peyton or Adrian averaged 2.78 points. These are your Western Division leaders, ladies and gentlemen.
Not to be outdone, the Chachfaces also left some solid numbers on the bench. Reserve Mike Tolbert (15) outscored the starting combo of Knowshon Moreno (5) and Brandon Jackson (6). Fellow benchwarmer Lance Moore (12) nearly outscored starting duo Jabar Gaffney (6) and Pierre Garcon (13). What saved Chalski this week was his decision - and it shouldn't have been a tough one - to leave Calvin Johnson in the starting line-up. Megatron (30) spunked all over the face of everyone's favorite racially insensitive mascot, notching 101 receiving yards and three touchdowns on the Redskins. A more difficult decision for Mark must have been how to fill in the quarterback spot vacated by Eli Manning and Matt Ryan, both of whom were on a Bye in Week 8. The Chachfaces elected to go with Troy Smith, who hadn't started a game since 2007. Amazingly, Smith put up perfectly respectable numbers (19 fantasy pts) and led both his 49ers and Chalski's Chachfaces to a victory.

Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (84) defeats Louwer Loudoun Tribe (71)
The high scorer in this game was a kicker, and I'm kind of tempted to just end the write-up there, but I'll give a few more details. Why? Because Dan Carpenter (19) has earned our respect, dammit. In the past three weeks, Carpenter has scored 51 points. Here are a few players who have scored less than that in the past three weeks: Kyle Orton, Jonathan Stewart, Marshawn Lynch, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall, and Dustin Keller. In other words, pretty much Bardey's entire roster. The combined ineffectiveness of those players and the utter dominance of Dan "The Carp" Carpenter resulted in Dick's first win since the first week of the season. I advise him to savor it.