Covid Fantasy Football Challenge Week 5

It's Memorial Day Weekend, the time of year we have always set aside to remember the performances of those who've served our country, laying down their lives so that the rest of us can continue to live the American way. I'm speaking, of course, of football players who've suffered serious brain trauma, shortening their lives so that we can spend our Sundays lazing on the couch and staring at multiple screens. Let's remember their service to us in Week 5 of the past twenty seasons:

Beb was not enthused about the transaction window, which he claimed ran counter to the spirit of the league. But I think he knew that his originally-drafted crew was on the verge of their best performance of the season and he didn't want some team of well-researched Jonny-come-latelies to spoil his party. Luckily, this particular Jonny-de-youngly obliged by not making any acquisitions himself, though his original roster also posted some pretty impressive numbers (enough to beat all but two teams this week). Shortly after drafting Julio Jones 2017, Jon must have realized he had a Week 5 bye, and remembered that Sunday in October of 2000 when he should have been studying for a Poli Sci mid-term but instead got mesmerized by an incredible performance from Randy Moss and the Minnesota Vikings. Nice planning, there. But it just wasn't enough to overcome the combined Texican forces of Watson and Foster. Watson completed 28 of his 33 passes for 426 yards and five touchdowns in Week 5 of 2019. That's a hell of a day. I hope we get to watch that dude play football again at some point.

Arguably no two teams had more reason to pick up some new players than these two, what with Adrian Peterson being suspended for the season and Kurt Warner being shitty, and also injured. But neither manager made any moves, and their teams put up some serviceable, but unspectacular numbers that don't give me much to write about. So I'll use this opportunity to point out something that's bothered me as I've been researching these stats: Pro Football Reference lists nicknames on each of their player pages, and Tom Brady has a lot of them: 

Some of these are legit. I've definitely heard him called Tom Terrific; and TB12 is the name of his diet/nutrition regimen, I think; and GOAT is more of a status than a nickname but sure. But "The Pharaoh"? Is that a thing? Meanwhile, here is Clinton Portis' entry:

 That's it. That's all. No Bro Sweets. No Sheriff Gonna Getcha. No Dolemite Jenkins. No Southeast Jerome. No Coach Janky Spanky. He doesn't even get as many middle names as Brady!
Racism.

Unlike Joe and Ben, Elliott was as active as any owner during the free agent auction, and among his acquisitions were Drew Brees '11 and Marvin Harrison '01, who along with Shaun Alexander and Zach Ertz, led him to victory this week. Manning was let down by his quarterback namesake, who had one of his worst 2010 outings in Week 5, and wasted a great showing by Michael Thomas, who doesn't even have another 20-point performance on the season, much less 30.

So far we've had a monster Week 5 from Deshaun Watson '19, Michael Thomas '19, and now Christian McCaffrey '19. Was there something in the air on October 6th of last year that led these guys to go off? I checked the news headlines of the day, and it's the usual dumpster fire of news that it has been for almost four years now (October was when the talk of Trump's Ukraine extortion was heating up, which led to the impeachment hearings, which ultimately led to... nothing). But Ginger Baker, former drummer of Cream, did pass away that day, so maybe Watson, Thomas and McCaffrey were big "Toad" fans and went off in his honor? That would make sense, because Cream was a trio, and those three seem not to have invited our fourth 2019 contestant, Lamar Jackson, to the scoring party. I've heard good things about the Ginger Baker doc "Beware of Mr. Baker" that came out a few years back; perhaps I'll check it out this Memorial Day weekend.

Hey hey look at this! A triple-digit performance from Team Sovic! I hadn't even come close before this week, but my new acquisitions of Todd Gurley '18 and T.O. '01 really came through for me here. Gurley's 2018 is not necessarily a great season head-to-toe, but he kills it in weeks five through eight, and I needed an immediate shot in the arm if I want any chance to make the playoffs. It's like I took my Honda Civic into the shop and they loaned me a Ferrari while they work on it. I know it's a short-term thing, but I'm gonna live it up while I've got it. Similarly, TO is never going to give me more than he did this week, but it's pretty rare for any receiver to go higher than 36 points, so I'm not complaining. Owens has been a consistent research surprise for me during this challenge. Not only did I discover his incredible middle name, but I also would have said before this that I primarily think of him as an Eagle, presumably because he was consistently playing my then-favored Redskins frequently during that era, and that Philly team was among the league's best. I also probably just didn't pay much attention to non-Redskins football before I started playing fantasy. But as I've learned, Owens was actually on the Niners for eight seasons before going to Philly, and he only spent two seasons there before playing three for the Cowboys. And I super don't remember his final two seasons in Buffalo and Cincinnati at all. I'm looking forward to learning more about prime San Francisco Eldorado as the weeks continue.

One of these teams had three players north of 30 points. One of these teams had no players north of 20 points. That's a pretty quick and easy equation for a winner and a loser. But the two teams do have something in common, and that is a Chief. In fact, seven of our twelve teams started a Chief this week, and fourteen of the 120 player-seasons currently rostered in the league belong to Chiefs. I'm almost certain that's the highest number for any single franchise, and it raises the question: is Kansas City the most consistently fantasy-relevant team of this century? I'm not even sure who the other contenders would be. The Chiefs can claim multiple generations of top running backs (Holmes, LJ, Jamaal Charles, Kareem Hunt); quarterbacks (Trent Green, Mahomes); and tight ends (Gonzo, Kelce). Their only real weakness is at receiver, but Tyreek Hill has had some good seasons, and once upon a time Dwayne Bowe had an 1100-yard, 15-touchdown season. Remember that guy? Guaranteed you hadn't thought of Dwayne Bowe in at least five years before reading this blog post.

OK that does it for Week 5, here are your updated standings:

I'll probably try to do another post on Monday, but until then enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. If you read this right as I'm posting it, Con Air is just starting on AMC. You're welcome.