BaDoBuKiBro - Week 6 Review

I missed the Week 5 Review. Nobody seemed to notice. And yet I shall continue to chronicle the exploits of our young league, whether you bastards want me to or not! Here's Week 6:


Dagobah System Silent Partner (146) over Dobis (P)PR (99) 
Good lord. I guess I deserve this comeuppance for my take-down of Cody a few weeks back in the Notes. At the time, I called the Dagobahans "hideous," and mocked them for being under the erroneous impression that only receptions counted for points in our league. "Maybe [Rodgers] doesn't realize that he'll be rewarded for throwing completions down the field and into the end zone?" I wrote. "I feel like there must be some miscommunication here." Well, I guess they got that cleared up. Rodgers (39) and Jordy Nelson (35) combined to splooge all over my face on Sunday night, and that only after I had just finished rinsing my mouth out from the oral rape that Dez Bryant (28) had performed earlier in the day. No one on Dobis was even remotely prepared for this kind of onslaught, and once the aerial fireworks began we mostly just stood on the sidelines and watched. I will note that the PR firm operated well out of the twin Tight End set, netting 29 points between Kyle Rudolph and a re-emergent Aaron Hernandez. That's a pretty thin silver lining to the golden shower cloud that the Silent Partners unleashed in Week 6, though.

Tumblin' Dice (141) over Pterodactyl Attack (78) 
Luckily for Dobis, they were not the only league leaders who were brought back to the pack this week. The second-most-amazing quarterback performance of the week came from Wilson's rookie sensation, Robert Griffin III (35), who ensured a win for the Americans* and a share of the 4-2 logjam at the top for the Dice. Of course, Griffin famously gets a lot of his yardage himself on the ground, but that doesn't mean that his receivers, Denarius Moore (19) and Calvin Johnson (17), were slacking. Appropriate to their mascot, the Pterodactyls are normally airborne attackers themselves, but this week the magic was lacking between Matt Ryan (10) and Julio Jones (8). Brian Hartline (0) has all but disappeared since his breakout a few weeks back, leaving Arian Foster (17) and Eric Decker (19) alone to shoulder too heavy a burden for Dekker's squad.

*for explanation of this name, please see the NBD - Week 4 Review post. 

It's So Cold in the D (130) over Fired Al Groh (108) 
While most of our teams have seen our scoring decrease since the Bye weeks started, It's So Cold in the D seems to have been inspired by the attendant roster shuffling, having tallied 274 points over the past two weeks. That includes this week's win over Fired Al Groh, bringing both teams to 3-3. (Side note: you've got to love the parity so far in this league, with four teams at 4-2, four teams at 3-3, and four teams at 2-4. Good job, Commissioner Bev!) The secret to Cold in the D's recent success may have come in picking players whose surnames are also words, with Ray Rice (23), Antonio Gates (23), and Christian Ponder leading the team to victory. Jong and Bill may want to consider adding Jackie Battle, Jake Locker, and Santana Moss to the squad, just for consistency's sake. Meanwhile Fired Al Groh, cursed with a bunch of proper nouns, had a decent week but not enough to keep up. Michael Vick's best performance of the season (22) proved to be a waste, and even in his best performance he still threw two picks and a fumble. This guy is a mess. The passes he didn't complete to the opposition managed to land in the hands of Larry Fitzgerald (18), but none of his other receivers really stepped up.

Big Blue (111) over Team Pinhead (77) 
Ben Roethlisberger (18) is tall - 6'5". Vincent Jackson (21) is also tall - 6'5", too. Jeremy Maclin (22) is not quite as tall - 6'0" - but he is awfully fast. And apparently size and speed are two things that the Minnesota secondary (0) doesn't really know how to deal with, because they got blanked for the Pinheads this week while the afore-mentioned trio led Big Blue to a clear victory. The Pinheads were not without their own standouts, with Adrian Peterson, Roddy White, and Sidney Rice each notching 16 points. But one of the seeming strengths of the Pinhead roster - depth at the quarterback position - proved to be no strength at all, as Drew Brees took the week off and turned the offense over to a disappointing Matt Schaub (5), whose multiple interceptions cost the Pinheads greatly. The victory for Big Blue comes slightly tainted by an injury to starting RB DeMarco Murray (10), but if his performance from the bench is any indication, Shonn Greene (34) is ready to step in and step up.

HollyBoneWoodJerMajestyD'Brickashaw (100) over Colonel Red Beards (95)
This was a tight one, and the Redbeards had a shot at locking up a win on Monday night, with Philip Rivers (6) trying desperately to connect with Malcom Floyd (9). Instead, Rivers channeled his inner Mike Vick and turned the ball over what seemed like a hundred times. Rivers miserable night undercut solid outings from the Redbeard running backs, including Chris Johnson's (13) second decent performance of the season, his first on the Redbeard starting roster. Across the field, the BoneWoods claimed victory thanks to the old classic tandem of Tom Brady (20) and Wes Welker (25), and Brady showed his consistent ability to make use of weapons both old and new by incorporating James Jones (17) into the offense.

Quarterback Camp (93) over Joe's Fightin' Blue Hens (90) 
The last two weeks must have been a relief for Souts, who has been relieved of the chore of picking the wrong starting quarterback thanks to the Bye weeks. Though he managed to fuck it up three of the first four weeks, Newton's vacation here in Week 6 forced Souts to make the smart decision and start Matthew Stafford (21), who led the team in scoring in only their second victory. Stafford's primary targets were Brandon Gibson (13) and Demaryius Thomas (11), though CJ Spiller (19) also caught some passes out of the backfield to complement his rushing yards. The Fightin' Blue Hens have their own quarterback quandary, and although Jesse has had a better track record of making the right choice so far, this week he chose... poorly, and the difference between starter Joe Flacco (14) and benchwarmer Tony Romo (16) is almost exactly the difference in the final score here. The good news for the Hens is that after a slew of early-season injuries, both Ahmad Bradshaw (19) and Fred Jackson (15) appear to be back to full health, giving Jesse the solid rushing corps he's counting on to bring him success this year.