BIFL - Draft Recap

Well, it's been over a week since 2008's Biffle draft, and though only one actual NFL game has been played in that time, I feel that the valuable insights gained from the Redskins unsightly performance against the Giants have given me enough perspective to reflect and comment on the draft. That is to say, I've now got the perspective of a man who's watched his team start the season looking utterly atrocious, and am now full of bitter rage and hatred. That means angry NOTES, just the way you like 'em.
The 1st Round, of course, featured the return of some big names to the draft pool, and they were appropriately snapped up quickly. Tomlinson, Brady and Manning (drafted by Dick, Souts, and Chuck, respectively) have been the three most reliable names in fantasy for several years now, and they were the first three names off the board. The most interesting of these picks is McNutt's decision to take Manning, considering that he could have kept Brady in this spot instead. It will be interesting to see how the difference between Brady and Manning's performances compares to Jason Witten's performance as compared to other tight ends (Chuck used his keeper spot on Witten in the 9th rather than Brady in the 1st).
The other interesting pick of this round was Justin's selection of Darren McFadden, executed by yours truly. I did not make this decision randomly, as Juse's draft strategy had specified that he wanted McFadden in the first, but it did not take into account his subsequent e-mail telling me that he was second-guessing his decision and thought maybe he should take somebody more reliable like Willis McGahee instead. Having been too lazy to respond to this e-mail, I went ahead and grabbed McFadden, but felt a little better about it when I was able to draft McGahee for Rousseau in the...
2nd Round. This round was otherwise fairly unremarkable other than Souts' decision to grab Chad Johnson with the penultimate pick of the second. At the time, the effect of Chad's torn labrum was very much up in the air, but this didn't seem to matter much to Soutendijk, probably because he was completely unaware of it. In the week-and-a-half since, the outlook on the injury has brightened a bit, as Johnson has announced he'll be playing through the injury rather than having surgery or rehab or something, but the extent to which it'll affect his play remains to be seen. For the record, I won't be referring to this guy as "Chad Ocho Cinco," despite his legal name change and the fact that his name actually appears that way on Souts' roster, which is kind of funny. But wouldn't this whole stunt have been a lot funnier if he had done it, like, a year ago? Before he tried to play a game with "Ocho Cinco" on his jersey? Or before I became annoyed that it wasn't the more-correct "Ochenta y Cinco?"
Anyways, that round and the 3rd Round ended/began with a pair of questionable picks by Dick, who took suspended receiver Steve Smith followed by Carson Palmer. I don't like Palmer at all for some reason this year, though I guess it made sense to take a quarterback after locking up a top RB and WR. Having just taken a guy who'll miss the first two games, however, I probably would have gone for a second back or another receiver here, so that I didn't end up starting Shaun McDonald in week 1 in my flex spot. The Palmer pick is doubly questionable for the fact that Drew Brees was still available, who I (and most of the "experts") figure to have a much better season than Carson.
I also am entirely unpsyched about 3rd-round selections Roy Williams (Andre) and Antonio Gates (Billy via Bardey). Williams will be playing in a post-Martz offense, meaning a likely downturn in the passing game, and faces competition with an up-and-coming, more physically gifted #2 (Calvin Johnson). Gates has still not proven that he's over his toe issues from last season, and is no longer the only class of the tight end field, lowering his relative value even if he does regain the form of 2006. Of course, this pick was made more out of a sense of tradition (Billy always has Gates) than any actual fantasy logic, so I can't nitpick it too much (in fact, if memory serves me correctly I'm pretty sure I enthusiastically supported its execution at the time).
In the 4th Round I puked in my mouth a little bit when Chalski selected Selvin Young, followed a few picks later by Chuck's Ronnie Brown pick. I'm getting the sense more and more (bolstered by Ricky Williams' contract extension) that Ronnie Brown might actually have died sometime back in April, but he did have a very promising start to last season, and I can understand Chuck's desire to grab as many maybe-good running backs as possible considering that his first round and keeper selections were QB, WR, and TE. The Selvin Young pick, on the other hand, surprised me simply because Marcus already had two great ballcarriers under contract (Lynch and Barber) and could have used some help at the receiver and quarterback positions. Plus I'm pretty sure Young would have still been available one or even two rounds later, when Chalski took human toothpick Bernard Berrian, one of the worst WR2s I've ever seen.
Woof. I gotta speed this up if I'm gonna finish sometime today.
In the 5th Round, I take note of how far the once-mighty Marvin Harrison has fallen, as I took him at the top of the round, and honestly would have rather had Chris Chambers (taken by Dekker 8 picks later) if I had realized he was still available. My self-loathing extends to Rousseau's (which is to say my) Derek Anderson pick and Bardois' Matt Forte selection. I took both these guys in other drafts, and instantly felt a deep and ugly shame about those picks.
In the 6th Round, Will took Dallas Clark, who is a fuckstick that I hate and should probably die, but this video, made in response to Clark's complaints about getting bitched in a Madden commercial, has always made me laugh:

The 6th also saw the traditional rookie running back run, as Rashard Mendenhall (Dekker), Jonathan Stewart (Andre) and Felix Jones (Spencer) came off the board. Ahh, I remember fondly the rookie running back runs of yesteryear. You know what I don't remember, though? The names of any of those guys, as they mostly amount to shit.
The 6th and 7th Rounds also featured a surprisingly high number of keepers, and that trend might continue next year as I see a lot of value in the 7th, including Chris Johnson (Sovic), Jeremy Shockey (Chuck), and Ricky Williams (Dekker).
The 8th Round consisted mostly of suckers, whereas the 9th Round saw many lame-o's come off the board. This represents a sharp contrast from last year, when most of our owners took their lame-o's well ahead of their suckers. As noted by Tristan Cockcroft and Christopher Harris, there just seems to be a lot of depth at the position this year, leading many to wait on their lame-o picks.
The 10th Round was notable for the first selection of a guy I'd never heard of, Ben Obamanu (Andre). Despite literally dozens of hours of fantasy research, I've never heard of this guy before. I'm also fairly certain I'll never hear of him again.
The 11th Round saw the first IDP selected (Souts' Patrick Willis), which is probably a good indication that I can stop blogging the draft. There were 6 more rounds after this, and the only thing I care to note about them is the falls from grace for Marc Bulger (Bardey-11), Kevin Jones (Chalski-12), and Jon Kitna (Dekker-13), all of whom were top 5-round picks within the last few years. If any can recapture former glory, they'll be huge values this late in the draft. More likely, though, they're all on their way out of fantasy relevance. The best pick I see in these late rounds is Soutendijk's selection of Chris Perry in the 14th, who will be starting this week for the Bengals. Kenny Watson is certainly in the picture, but with Rudi Johnson cut after the draft, this certainly looks like a great late pick-up and a potential keeper value for several years to come.
So that about wraps it up for the draft recap. Teams I don't hate this season include Extremely Bitter (Romo/Westbrook/Owens is a great big 3, although it is full of hated NFL East rivals, so Dekker may actually have reason to be Extremely Bitter if he has a good team); Alligator Fuckhouse (if CJ stays alive and Thomas Jones & Jamal Lewis can squeeze one more year out of their aging bodies); and Cholish Chachfaces (Barber-Lynch and Wayne-Holt could be two great combos). Congratulations, fuckos. My endorsement is usually the kiss of death. Just ask Spencer about last year.
Season starts for real tomorrow (I'm choosing to ignore Thursday night's game). I hope all your players die and/or contract gonorrhea. Enjoy that.