NBD - Week 5 Preview

This week's games will be the first test of my Power Rankings, and the first chance for the losers in the bottom half to prove they belong elsewhere. Let's dive right in:

Stadler & Waldorf vs. Wyld Stallyns
DeYoung's team is clearly better than mine. And he's not necessarily facing tough defensive match-ups or anything like that. But one of his running backs is the back-up to mine, and the other one is kind of a pussy. Plus I just think that after 4 weeks, it's my time.
Muppets by 5

CH Croakies vs. Hamster Now Guinea Pig
I picked Haller's team as the top-ranked team in the league, so it'd be hard to pick against him here. Elliott has decided to make it even easier on me by starting Rudi Johnson. Seriously? You might as well start Jerious Norwood. Oh no wait, you are!
Guinea Pig by 11

Chestpubes & Ballfro vs. The Leadfarmers
I kind of want to pick this one without looking at the teams and basing it just on the summer '08 movies their names come from. Stepbrothers, whence "Chestpubes & Ballfro," was rioutously funny, with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly basically competing to see who could appear more retarded. I'm not sure that anyone beside myself, Colly, and our unemployed friend Hambone saw it, but it was incredibly funny. Tropic Thunder, whence "The Leadfarmers," was also extremely funny, and featured a strong combination of dumb, low-brow humor and Hollywood satire. It also had some pretty legit action sequences. I loved them both, but it seems like Tropic Thunder had a bit more to offer audiences, especially if you consider the fake previews part of the movie. That shit was ridiculous.
Leadfarmers by 6

Lassard Blows Harris vs. Mephistopheles
Papkin is starting two receivers on the same team this week, Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson. Not necessarily a bad move, but I don't think I've ever seen it before. Thought I'd point it out. You know what is a bad move, though? Starting Mewelde Moore. You know what else is? Starting Fred Jackson. Mephistopheles appears to be starting players who are actually fantasy-relevant, so I'm pretty sure I've got to give them the nod here.
The Fru-its of the Dev-il by 8

Burke City Giants vs. Woody's Warriors
I'm a little concerned about the fact that Woody still has Jerricho Cotchery in his starting line-up even though his team has a bye this week. He's also still starting Correll Buckhalter, even though I'm pretty sure Brian Westbrook is gonna be back on the field this week. It makes it hard for me to make picks when you bastards don't bother setting your line-ups until Sunday morning. But last week I had to let Sherwood know that Carson Palmer was injured, so I'm guessing he's busy these days and is neglecting his duties.
First: Giants by 8
Second: Woody, get your shit together!

You know what? I just thought about Will Ferrell singing "Por ti, volareeeeee..." and decided to change my vote on the Joe/Derek game.
Ballfro by 4

(note: this shit is bootleg)

Matt Ryan Loves Dogs vs. Tri Steeg Area
I like some of Koehler's starts at the "lesser" positions this week. His WR3 is Amani Toomer, who will be picking up the slack for a suspended Plaxico Burress. Anthony Fasano, his tight end, is playing the Chargers, who have given up a touchdown to a TE in every game so far this season. Kex, on the other hand, is starting Kellen Winslow, who has a bye, and doesn't even have another tight end to plug in if he gets around to checking his line-up tomorrow morning. HEY MOTHERFUCKERS! I'M SPENDING HOURS UPON HOURS EVERY WEEK WRITING THOUSANDS OF WORDS ABOUT THIS LEAGUE!! YOU THINK YOU COULD FIND FIFTEEN MINUTES ON, SAY, WEDNESDAY OR THURSDAY TO CHECK YOUR LINE-UP AND MAYBE PICK UP A FREE AGENT OR TWO?!?
Matt Ryan by one metric shit-ton

Last week: 4-2
Overall: 14-10

Beauty is fleeting:



But true love is forever:
Good luck in Week 5, except for DeYoung, who should probably get an early-80's computer terminal that weighs roughly 7,000 pounds tossed at his head.