BIFL - Week 7 Preview

If brevity is the soul of wit, then I must be one witty motherfucker, because this shit is gonna be brev.

Cholish Chachfaces (4-2) vs. Juse & the Arrrrrghonauts (1-5)
I made extra sure that I got the right number of r's in "arrrrrghonauts." Juse is desparate for a win here. I'm gonna give it to him, because I've got a 70% prediction rate, so I can afford to take a risk on a clearly inferior team.
Juse by 8

Manatee Eaters (6-0) vs. Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-3)
6-0? Really? Chuck's team just isn't that good. Dick has weak defensive opponents, and a dude named Yeremiah on his roster. Yerefuckingmiah.
Pounders of Poon by 8

Sky Vault Centurions (4-2) vs. Egon Spengler (2-4)
Ugh. I really want to win this game. If I go 2-5, I'm fucked. At 2-5 you can't really keep making excuses about your team being good and having tough losses, or having a tough schedule, or whatever. If you're 2-5 your team is just bad. You wanna know what I think of my team?
Centurions by 10

FUBAR (4-2) vs. Pet Monkey (3-3)
I think it's entirely within the realm of possibility that Drew Brees and Frank Gore are the only players to score in this game. Billy is still starting TJ Duckett, whose ESPN projection includes the word "murky."
FUBAR by 14

Alligator Fuckhouse (2-4) vs. Hernial Growth (2-4)
Soutendijk had a hernia one time. No joke. Just looked down in the shower one morning and there was an extra ball. Scary shit, man. Anyways, this is a real clash of the titans. When Trent Edwards takes on Matt Cassel, does anyone really win?
Hernial Growth by 8

Jeff Stryker is not really gay (2-4) vs. Chip Lohmiller (3-3)
Man, injuries and bye weeks sure can make for some odd starts. Will's got Dominic Rhodes going in this one and Dekker's got Mewelde Moore and Jamaal Charles. I mean, I've heard of Rhodes and Moore, but I don't have the first idea who Jamaal Charles is or what he looks like. So I'm gonna go ahead and pick a team that's starting Kyle Orton.
Jeff Stryker by 9

Last week: 5-1
Overall: 25-11

Agh!
Ahhhh...