Ugh. Another week where I had hoped to do an extensive write-up and just got swamped with shit, including parent-teacher conferences, birthday celebrations, and the impending (3 hrs from now) first round of the NY Co-Ed Friday Night Soccer League playoffs. This will almost certainly be the end of Bacon United's season, and it could not come soon enough. So anyways, review will be abridged this week, and hopefully I'll find some time during the day on Saturday to write at some length about the playoff situation.
Also wanted to note that the UVA alum magazine I got today featured a birth announcement for Jay Gyuricza and a wedding announcement for Kevin Hudak. With all these Delts settling down, can it be long before my jar of Jergens 24-Hour Moisture finally pops the question after a seemingly endless courtship? I did see a Kay Jewelers bag in the trash the other day, but I'm not holding my breath. [Honey, if you're reading this, a Christmas engagement would be fabulous!]
Here's Week 11:
Alligator Fuckhouse 60.5, Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts 82
I really thought Souts was gonna keep up his recent string of 100+ outings and march into the playoffs, but that dream pretty much died this week with only one Fuckhouser in double-digits (the recently beastly Thomas Jones, 19). The Jusers weren't exactly a house on fire this week either, but former Spenglerian Dwayne Bowe matched TJ point-for-point, and the rest of the squad was just enough better to take this one.
Jeff Stryker is not really gay 72, Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 75
As predicted, this game sucked; and as predicted, Will's was the suckier team in it. Has anyone else noticed that the Poon-Pounders' DeAngelo Williams has been going insane for the past 6 weeks? He did it again in Week 11 (28 pts), continuing to overshadow LaDainian Tomlinson, although his 15 was certainly useful in this game.
Santonio's Blunts 85, Egon Spengler 118.5
This was great. Over in the other league, I'm making an unlikely late charge to sneak into the playoffs after starting the season 0-4. Three of the players leading that charge have been Andre Johnson, Ryan Grant, and Matt Forte, which is basically the nucleus of Bardey's BIFL squad. Somehow this week, I managed to rout Bardey despite 32 points out of Grant/Forte, and still win my NBD game by a solid margin as well. Having Brandon Jacobs in that league and Anquan Boldin (22), TJ Houshmandzadeh (22), and Michael Turner (20) in this one certainly didn't hurt.
FUBAR 113.5, Sky Vault Centurions 98
Having handed Spencer such a heartbreaking loss last week, I was happy to root for him in this match-up this week that served to give me an edge over Andre in the Eastern Conference playoff standings. Both teams were at it hammer and tongs this week, with 50 total RB points for FUBAR's Addai-Gore combo and 40 WR points for Sky Vault's Fitzgerald/Ward/Avery trio. Unfortunately for Dre and Redskins fans, though, the Centurions' workhorse, Clinton Portis (6), has been struggling with some injury problems at exactly the wrong time of the season.
Cholish Chachfaces 110.5, Manatee Eaters 97
This score looks just like the last one. And Chalski's running backs (Marshawn Lynch and Marion Barber) scored 48 points, just like Spence's scored 50. Weird. Anyways, Lance Moore sounds way more like a gay porn star's name than Jeff Stryker does, and he's been scoring as much as one too (20 this week). Manatee Eaters sounds like it could be a porno as well, albeit one that serves an exremely perverted niche market. Manatees probably do have big dicks, though. Huge, fat, slow dicks. That reminds me, I was listening to public radio this afternoon and they were doing a segment all about semen and animal sex (your tax dollars!). Turns out that some ducks have 14-inch dicks. Also they're serial rapists, apparently, and lady ducks have multiple "off-ramps" in their vaginas so that they can divert rape-semen away from their ovaries. Crazy shit. Also a dragonfly's dick is like a pipe-cleaner with bristles on it so that it can clean all the other dragonfly semen out of the lady dragonfly's cooch before he blows his load in there. Can't make that up.
Pet Monkey 64, Chip Lohmiller 72
No one on Billy's team scored as much as Dekker's kicker, Mason Crosby (16). I'm pretty sure that tells the whole story on this game. Plus I just wasted a bunch of time writing about dragonfly dicks.
Fin.
11.21.2008
11.16.2008
BIFL - Week 11 Preview
This is more for the sake of continuity and maintaining my record than any sort of entertainment. Sorry, I'm hungover.
Alligator Fuckhouse vs. Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts
Both teams off to a strong start from their Thursday night players, but only Souts will stay strong.
Fuckhouse by 10
Jeff Stryker is not really gay vs. Iron Chef of Pounding Poon
This game sucks so far, and will continue to suck.
Stryker by 5
Santonio's Blunts vs. Egon Spengler
Oh man, typing Bardey's team name just reminded me what's great for a hangover.
Spengler by 8
FUBAR vs. Sky Vault Centurions
I think Andre might be fucked, because he's starting Clinton Portis who will play sparingly if at all, and if he tries to put Betts in after the games have started, I don't think he'll be able to because he's in his IR spot and would have to make a roster change that I'm not sure would be allowed.
FUBAR by 7
Cholish Chachfaces vs. Manatee Eaters
The Muck & Chark classic.
Eaters by 5
Pet Monkey vs. Chip Lohmiller
Might be close, but I've got Billy by a (button) nose.
Monkey by 2
Last week: 4-2
Overall: 39-21
NBD - Week 11 Preview
Fun wedding in the city last night = short write-ups for predictions this morning.
Stadler & Waldorf vs. Tri Steeg Area
The winning streak continues.
S&W by 8
CH Croakies vs. Mephistopheles
Cedric Benson, back in the starting lineup.
Croakies by 4
Chestpubes & Ballfro vs. Woody's Warriors
I'm hoping for an unwelcome return for Tony Romo, but think Roddy White going against the Champ-less Broncos will more than make up for it.
C&B by 10
Dutch Rudders vs. Matt Ryan Loves Dogs
I'm going to become a professional football player and lead my team to an undefeated season just so I can punch Mercury Morris in the face.
MRLD by 12
$5 Foot Long vs. Burke City Giants
The beginning of the end for Michael Toobin.
Finski by 6
Wyld Stallyns vs. Lassard Blows Harris
Prediction: One of DeYoung's players will suffer a serious injury today.
LBH by 8
Last week: 3-3
Overall: 38-22
11.15.2008
11.14.2008
BIFL - Week 10 Review
Normally, I spend an entire weeknight writing one of these weekly reviews. Sure, I'll watch PTI, eat dinner, watch NBA hoops, play Rock Band, and practice my piano while I'm writing it, but it's still like a 5 hour process. This week, however, I've run out of weeknights and I'm planning on leaving the house in about an hour to try to meet up with Billy and Danny Lee for drinks before we spend the rest of the weekend at Chip Hamner wedding festivities, so time is very short. I'm gonna try to just bang it out. If there are typos, grammatical errors, or sentences that simply don't make sense, bear with me.
So, we're closing in on the playoffs, with only three weeks to go. And since we haven't changed the schedule one bit from last year, that means everybody's got at least one intradivisional match-up and one geographical rivalry game on their plate. Some of those geographies have changed since last year so that the match-ups don't make sense anymore, but the point is the next three weeks are crucially important. I'm pretty awful at calculating "If X then Y but not Z" type situations (though I do know that Coke Zero is more like Coke than it is like Diet Coke and also more like Coke than Diet Coke is -- graph it) so I'm not gonna be able to tell you exactly who needs to win which games and what all the permutations of possible playoff teams are. Maybe our mathier commish can handle that one. What I can do is add up numbers, and then divide them, so that's what I did. I took the results from the last five weeks and calculated each team's average points per game. Then I compared the ppg's of the teams that play each other over the next three weeks, and determined the probable result of those games.
Some of my findings were shocking: Soutendijk, for example, has averaged 98.4 ppg over the past 5 weeks, 4th highest in the league. I, on the other hand, have averaged 90.7 ppg (7th) and yet I've won 4 games in a row over teams with otherwise excellent records. If our scoring trends hold, though, Soutendijk can expect to win all three of his final games, and I can expect to lose all three. This will put him, incredibly, into the playoffs, and leave me out. God I hope the numbers lie. Here's what my statistical projections do for the rest of you.
FUBAR averages 91.5ppg to go 1-2 in his final three games.
Sky Vault Centurions average 100.9ppg to go 3-0 in their final three.
Egon Spengler averages 90.7ppg to go 0-3.
Cholish Chachfaces average 86.6 to go 1-2.
Santonio Holmes averages 90.9 to go 2-1.
Alligator Fuckhouse averages 98.4 to go 3-0.
Manatee Eaters average 76.7 to go 0-3.
Jeff Stryker is a total faggot averages 114.6 to go 3-0.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon averages 82.7 to go 1-2.
Chip Lohmiller averages 108.5 to go 3-0.
Pet Monkey averages 88.0 to go 1-2.
Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts average 71.5 to go 0-3.
I have no doubt that many, if not most of those projections will be proven wrong, but that's what would happen if everybody performed exactly as they have for the past five weeks. If that were to happen, your playoff teams would be:
Jeff Stryker, 9-4
Sky Vault Centurions, 9-4
Chip Lohmiller, 8-5
FUBAR, 7-5-1
Manatee Eaters, 7-6
Alligator Fuckhouse, 7-6
And the rest of us will be rocking it out in the consolation bracket. I have no doubt that at least one of the teams mentioned there will not make it, and one of the teams not mentioned will, but Dick, Bardey, Chalski, Meyers and I are all, statistically speaking, fighting uphill battles to make it into the playoffs. Justin is not so much fighting an uphill battle as he is attempting to scale a sheer cliff, carrying a sack of paperweights, with only a pair of dull plastic forks.
Before we get too caught up in what's to come, though, let's take a look back at what has been.
Week 10:
Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts 78.5, Jeff Stryker is not really gay 113
See? Statistics would have predicted that Will would beat Justin, and he did! Then again, a blind, deaf alien from the planet Xirkon probably could have predicted this outcome. Kurt Warner (27) and Adrian Peterson (30) had their customary big days, scoring more than 50% of Stryker's points for the week. I still wouldn't trust Adrian Peterson to get me into and through the playoffs healthy, but he has gotten through Week 10 and this week put up his sixth and bet-deciding 15+ point game. I now owe Will 20 bucks and a swift kick in the nuts. Guess which one's getting delivered first? As for Juse, he actually got some decent outings from Brandon Marshall (14) and Tony Gonzalez (25), but his snake-bitten season continues with yet another running back going down. This time it was Jamaal Charles, who was hobbled by ankle trouble, gaining only 8 yards on 3 carries. That made him two points better, however, than Jake Delhomme, who was absolutely atrocious last week, against the Raiders, no less.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 82.5, Santonio's Blunts 104.5
The key to a good blunt is the distribution, and Bardey has clearly learned that from his team's namesake as evidenced by the balance of his attack this week. Five Blunts scored in double figures this week, including Donovan McNabb (20), Matt Forte (16), Marques Colston (14), Ryan Grant (13), and Ray Lewis with an impressive 10 defensive points without a pick-six. Holmes himself (2 pts) apparently spent the whole game asking Mike Tomlin if he thought it was "weird, when you really think about it, how we dress ourselves up in these ridiculous costumes every week and run around this field chasing after a pig skin when there's so much suffering and destruction going on in the world. Man." Also I think Steve Smith (0) actually rode to the game with Santonio, which is weird in itself because one was playing in Pittsburgh and the other was in Oakland. Some trippy shit.
Egon Spengler 91.5, FUBAR 91
Speaking of trippy shit, the ending of this game was ridiculous. Going into Monday night, I was trailing Spencer by a decent amount and had Isaac Bruce and Anquan Boldin going against his Frank Gore. With Boldin (22) having another huge night and Gore getting some decent yardage but no TD's, I was closing in all night. But coming down to San Fran's final drive, I was still down 94-91.5 with only Isaac Bruce able to catch me up. I was hoping they might toss it to him in the end zone, but from the 3-yard line, the dynamic duo of Singletary and Martz called two straight run plays, first with Gore, then with Michael Robinson. Neither got in the end zone, and the game was over. I conceded victory. But then an amazing thing happened: 3 points just disappeared from Spence's score. As it turns out, that unsuccessful touchdown run by Frank Gore had actually lost a yard, and that yard brought him from 100 on the night to 99. That means a yardage score of 9, rather than 10, and the loss of the 2-point 100+ bonus. 1 yard and 3 points later, I was the victor. Spencer ended the night by declaring that he was gonna go slit his wrists. I hope that's not true, if only because I need him to beat up on Sky Vault and Holmes the next couple weeks to help my playoff chances. You've got so much to live for, Spence! Think of the Nooch!!!
Sky Vault Centurions 121, Cholish Chachfaces 82
You know what? I gotta go. So I'm gonna post for now, and then try to come back and add to this when I get home drunk tonight. Should be interesting.
So I'm back, and not nearly as drunk as could have been expected. You know who's drunk, though? Mam Siotke. Spent the latter part of this evening holding him up and watching his girlfriend scold him. Good times. Anyways...
The Centurions are strong to quite strong, to really incredibly fucking strong. How strong are they? Two of Dre's boys went blank and he still had the high score of the week. That's what happens I guess when three guys combine for 80 points (Cutler 35, Jacobs 24, Mewelde 21). To me, Sky Vault looks like the dominant team heading into the home stretch. Keep in mind that the team leader, Clinton Portis, didn't play this week (and it looks like won't play again next week) but should be healthy in time for the playoffs. And can you ask for more dependable receivers in terms of getting you at least 9-10 pts a week than Larry Fitzgerald and Hines Ward? Ok, ok. I'll get off the good Doctor's jock now. Let's focus on Chalski's jock instead, which like the actual Cholach's jock in college, was pretty much completely devoid of scoring this week. 21 out of Reggie Waye is certainly nice, as is the customary 18 by Philip Rivers, but most of the rest of this team falls under the label of 2008 disappointment.
Manatee Eaters 59.5, Chip Lohmiller 113
Here's what I said in my preview last week: "Wow. Dekker is starting Joe Flacco this week. Normally that'd be enough for me to declare Chuck the winner." So, I'm dumb. My apologies to Dekker, Joe, and the entire Flacco family. Apparently the guy's a stud, I just didn't recognize what a football factory the fucking Delaware Fightin' Blue Hen program was. Joe the Passer went for 21 points, which was good for only the 3rd-highest scorer on the Lohmiller roster behind Maurice Jones-Drew (27) and Eddie Royal (24). And what can I say about Chuck's team that I haven't already said? They are jokers. Pretenders. Posers. Their 7-3, West-leading record disgusts me, and what disgusts me even more is that they'll probably slide into the playoffs on the strength of their flukey early-season dominance, while my team is still fighting for our playoff lives. Having trouble breaking that elusive 65-point barrier, Chuckles? Well, that's probably just a one-week aberration, right? Oh wait, it's happened three of the past four weeks. I might feel bad about all this McNut-hating if I wasn't such a Minnesota Bearcats supporter in years past. But this season, it just isn't deserved.
Pet Monkey 72, Alligator Fuckhouse 117
Speaking of hating on BIFL teams, I've given Souts' squad a lot of shit this year here on Lassard.com, or whatever the fuck it's called*, but it's time for me to eat my words. For the past month or so, this has been a fuckhouse on fire, and this rout of team rhinoplasty was no exception (p.s. saw the new schnozz tonight, and Billy's hardly recognizable. have you guys seen Dirty Dancing's Jennifer Grey since she got her shit done? it's like that. whole new person.) Leading the Fuckhouse was wahoo-wah Thomas Jones (34), who has really been coming on strong lately in the Jets' high-powered offense. Normally a good quarterback can open things up for a running back, but I actually think the opposite has happened with Brett Favre. He's made so many dumbass fucktard throws this season that I think teams just sit back in pass coverage assuming that they'll grab a few easy interceptions, and don't even think about the holes that D'Brick, Mangold et al are creating for the running game. Kellen Winslow (23) and Matt Ryan (19) also made solid contributions for AF this week, whereas nothing for Pet Monkey was particularly solid other than the fact that he featured an IDP named Dewayne. Love that 'e' in there, letting you know "this guy's name is pronounced the way black people pronounce it."
And... there goes the thumping that means the girl in the room above me is getting boffed. That's gonna do it for me [retrieves lotion from under bed].
*ok, so i'm a little drunk
So, we're closing in on the playoffs, with only three weeks to go. And since we haven't changed the schedule one bit from last year, that means everybody's got at least one intradivisional match-up and one geographical rivalry game on their plate. Some of those geographies have changed since last year so that the match-ups don't make sense anymore, but the point is the next three weeks are crucially important. I'm pretty awful at calculating "If X then Y but not Z" type situations (though I do know that Coke Zero is more like Coke than it is like Diet Coke and also more like Coke than Diet Coke is -- graph it) so I'm not gonna be able to tell you exactly who needs to win which games and what all the permutations of possible playoff teams are. Maybe our mathier commish can handle that one. What I can do is add up numbers, and then divide them, so that's what I did. I took the results from the last five weeks and calculated each team's average points per game. Then I compared the ppg's of the teams that play each other over the next three weeks, and determined the probable result of those games.
Some of my findings were shocking: Soutendijk, for example, has averaged 98.4 ppg over the past 5 weeks, 4th highest in the league. I, on the other hand, have averaged 90.7 ppg (7th) and yet I've won 4 games in a row over teams with otherwise excellent records. If our scoring trends hold, though, Soutendijk can expect to win all three of his final games, and I can expect to lose all three. This will put him, incredibly, into the playoffs, and leave me out. God I hope the numbers lie. Here's what my statistical projections do for the rest of you.
FUBAR averages 91.5ppg to go 1-2 in his final three games.
Sky Vault Centurions average 100.9ppg to go 3-0 in their final three.
Egon Spengler averages 90.7ppg to go 0-3.
Cholish Chachfaces average 86.6 to go 1-2.
Santonio Holmes averages 90.9 to go 2-1.
Alligator Fuckhouse averages 98.4 to go 3-0.
Manatee Eaters average 76.7 to go 0-3.
Jeff Stryker is a total faggot averages 114.6 to go 3-0.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon averages 82.7 to go 1-2.
Chip Lohmiller averages 108.5 to go 3-0.
Pet Monkey averages 88.0 to go 1-2.
Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts average 71.5 to go 0-3.
I have no doubt that many, if not most of those projections will be proven wrong, but that's what would happen if everybody performed exactly as they have for the past five weeks. If that were to happen, your playoff teams would be:
Jeff Stryker, 9-4
Sky Vault Centurions, 9-4
Chip Lohmiller, 8-5
FUBAR, 7-5-1
Manatee Eaters, 7-6
Alligator Fuckhouse, 7-6
And the rest of us will be rocking it out in the consolation bracket. I have no doubt that at least one of the teams mentioned there will not make it, and one of the teams not mentioned will, but Dick, Bardey, Chalski, Meyers and I are all, statistically speaking, fighting uphill battles to make it into the playoffs. Justin is not so much fighting an uphill battle as he is attempting to scale a sheer cliff, carrying a sack of paperweights, with only a pair of dull plastic forks.
Before we get too caught up in what's to come, though, let's take a look back at what has been.
Week 10:
Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts 78.5, Jeff Stryker is not really gay 113
See? Statistics would have predicted that Will would beat Justin, and he did! Then again, a blind, deaf alien from the planet Xirkon probably could have predicted this outcome. Kurt Warner (27) and Adrian Peterson (30) had their customary big days, scoring more than 50% of Stryker's points for the week. I still wouldn't trust Adrian Peterson to get me into and through the playoffs healthy, but he has gotten through Week 10 and this week put up his sixth and bet-deciding 15+ point game. I now owe Will 20 bucks and a swift kick in the nuts. Guess which one's getting delivered first? As for Juse, he actually got some decent outings from Brandon Marshall (14) and Tony Gonzalez (25), but his snake-bitten season continues with yet another running back going down. This time it was Jamaal Charles, who was hobbled by ankle trouble, gaining only 8 yards on 3 carries. That made him two points better, however, than Jake Delhomme, who was absolutely atrocious last week, against the Raiders, no less.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 82.5, Santonio's Blunts 104.5
The key to a good blunt is the distribution, and Bardey has clearly learned that from his team's namesake as evidenced by the balance of his attack this week. Five Blunts scored in double figures this week, including Donovan McNabb (20), Matt Forte (16), Marques Colston (14), Ryan Grant (13), and Ray Lewis with an impressive 10 defensive points without a pick-six. Holmes himself (2 pts) apparently spent the whole game asking Mike Tomlin if he thought it was "weird, when you really think about it, how we dress ourselves up in these ridiculous costumes every week and run around this field chasing after a pig skin when there's so much suffering and destruction going on in the world. Man." Also I think Steve Smith (0) actually rode to the game with Santonio, which is weird in itself because one was playing in Pittsburgh and the other was in Oakland. Some trippy shit.
Egon Spengler 91.5, FUBAR 91
Speaking of trippy shit, the ending of this game was ridiculous. Going into Monday night, I was trailing Spencer by a decent amount and had Isaac Bruce and Anquan Boldin going against his Frank Gore. With Boldin (22) having another huge night and Gore getting some decent yardage but no TD's, I was closing in all night. But coming down to San Fran's final drive, I was still down 94-91.5 with only Isaac Bruce able to catch me up. I was hoping they might toss it to him in the end zone, but from the 3-yard line, the dynamic duo of Singletary and Martz called two straight run plays, first with Gore, then with Michael Robinson. Neither got in the end zone, and the game was over. I conceded victory. But then an amazing thing happened: 3 points just disappeared from Spence's score. As it turns out, that unsuccessful touchdown run by Frank Gore had actually lost a yard, and that yard brought him from 100 on the night to 99. That means a yardage score of 9, rather than 10, and the loss of the 2-point 100+ bonus. 1 yard and 3 points later, I was the victor. Spencer ended the night by declaring that he was gonna go slit his wrists. I hope that's not true, if only because I need him to beat up on Sky Vault and Holmes the next couple weeks to help my playoff chances. You've got so much to live for, Spence! Think of the Nooch!!!
Sky Vault Centurions 121, Cholish Chachfaces 82
You know what? I gotta go. So I'm gonna post for now, and then try to come back and add to this when I get home drunk tonight. Should be interesting.
So I'm back, and not nearly as drunk as could have been expected. You know who's drunk, though? Mam Siotke. Spent the latter part of this evening holding him up and watching his girlfriend scold him. Good times. Anyways...
The Centurions are strong to quite strong, to really incredibly fucking strong. How strong are they? Two of Dre's boys went blank and he still had the high score of the week. That's what happens I guess when three guys combine for 80 points (Cutler 35, Jacobs 24, Mewelde 21). To me, Sky Vault looks like the dominant team heading into the home stretch. Keep in mind that the team leader, Clinton Portis, didn't play this week (and it looks like won't play again next week) but should be healthy in time for the playoffs. And can you ask for more dependable receivers in terms of getting you at least 9-10 pts a week than Larry Fitzgerald and Hines Ward? Ok, ok. I'll get off the good Doctor's jock now. Let's focus on Chalski's jock instead, which like the actual Cholach's jock in college, was pretty much completely devoid of scoring this week. 21 out of Reggie Waye is certainly nice, as is the customary 18 by Philip Rivers, but most of the rest of this team falls under the label of 2008 disappointment.
Manatee Eaters 59.5, Chip Lohmiller 113
Here's what I said in my preview last week: "Wow. Dekker is starting Joe Flacco this week. Normally that'd be enough for me to declare Chuck the winner." So, I'm dumb. My apologies to Dekker, Joe, and the entire Flacco family. Apparently the guy's a stud, I just didn't recognize what a football factory the fucking Delaware Fightin' Blue Hen program was. Joe the Passer went for 21 points, which was good for only the 3rd-highest scorer on the Lohmiller roster behind Maurice Jones-Drew (27) and Eddie Royal (24). And what can I say about Chuck's team that I haven't already said? They are jokers. Pretenders. Posers. Their 7-3, West-leading record disgusts me, and what disgusts me even more is that they'll probably slide into the playoffs on the strength of their flukey early-season dominance, while my team is still fighting for our playoff lives. Having trouble breaking that elusive 65-point barrier, Chuckles? Well, that's probably just a one-week aberration, right? Oh wait, it's happened three of the past four weeks. I might feel bad about all this McNut-hating if I wasn't such a Minnesota Bearcats supporter in years past. But this season, it just isn't deserved.
Pet Monkey 72, Alligator Fuckhouse 117
Speaking of hating on BIFL teams, I've given Souts' squad a lot of shit this year here on Lassard.com, or whatever the fuck it's called*, but it's time for me to eat my words. For the past month or so, this has been a fuckhouse on fire, and this rout of team rhinoplasty was no exception (p.s. saw the new schnozz tonight, and Billy's hardly recognizable. have you guys seen Dirty Dancing's Jennifer Grey since she got her shit done? it's like that. whole new person.) Leading the Fuckhouse was wahoo-wah Thomas Jones (34), who has really been coming on strong lately in the Jets' high-powered offense. Normally a good quarterback can open things up for a running back, but I actually think the opposite has happened with Brett Favre. He's made so many dumbass fucktard throws this season that I think teams just sit back in pass coverage assuming that they'll grab a few easy interceptions, and don't even think about the holes that D'Brick, Mangold et al are creating for the running game. Kellen Winslow (23) and Matt Ryan (19) also made solid contributions for AF this week, whereas nothing for Pet Monkey was particularly solid other than the fact that he featured an IDP named Dewayne. Love that 'e' in there, letting you know "this guy's name is pronounced the way black people pronounce it."
And... there goes the thumping that means the girl in the room above me is getting boffed. That's gonna do it for me [retrieves lotion from under bed].
*ok, so i'm a little drunk
11.12.2008
NBD - Week 10 Review
Well, gentlemen, we're headed into the home stretch of the fantasy season, with only three weeks' worth of games before our playoffs begin. With that in mind, and with so many teams bunched in the middle with 4-6, 5-5, or 6-4 records, I decided to look ahead and see what we might expect to happen in these final three regular season weeks. Unfortunately, despite being a literary genius in two languages and having even passed the bc calculus exam in high school (thanks, Ms. DeMaria!), I am absolute shit at holding and calculating combinations in my head. Once I get past, like, two possible combinations, I'm done. And with 12 teams playing each other over three weeks, there are like probably at least 4 possible combinations that could happen. It may be more, I'm not sure. There's something about a factorial.
So but anyways, here's how I decided to predict the remainder of the season. First, I looked at each team's performance over the past 5 weeks to get an idea of what we could expect from each team in their current configurations. The big surprise here was that the top scorer over the past 5 weeks has been none other than yours truly! That's right, in the second half of the season I've averaged a whopping 98.1 points per game. I am followed, not surprisingly, by the 7-3 $5 Foot Long (96.4ppg), then the somewhat surprising CH Croakies (96.0ppg), and then the extremely surprising Woody's Warriors (94.9ppg). So once I determined each team's points-per-game average, I compared each team to their upcoming opponents and established a probable record for their next three games. Adding this probable record to their established record, I was able to determine who will make the playoffs. The results may shock you:
Team / Current Record / Final-3 Prediction / Final Record
$5 Foot Long / 7-3 / W-W-W / 10-3
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs / 7-3 / W-L-W / 9-4
Wyld Stallyns / 7-3 / L-W-L / 8-5
Lassard Blows Harris / 5-5 / W-W-W / 8-5
CH Croakies / 5-5 / W-L-W / 7-6
Stadler & Waldorf / 4-6 / W-W-W / 7-6
Chestpubes & Ballfro / 5-5 / L-W-L / 6-7
Burke City Giants / 6-4 / L-L-L / 6-7
Woody's Warriors / 3-7 / W-W-L / 5-8
Tri Steeg Area / 5-5 / L-L-L / 5-8
Dutch Rudders / 3-7 / L-L-W / 4-9
Mephistopheles / 3-7 / L-L-L / 3-10
That's right, bitches. If the trends of the last 5 weeks hold, you'll be seeing Stadler & Waldorf in the playoffs. Now, we all know that fantasy football is not nearly as predictable as simple statistical projections, and that so much is based on weekly match-ups, injuries, and simple luck. But it is interesting to see the possibilities here, including the very real chance that a team like the Burke City Giants, who currently sit alone at the #4 spot with a 6-4 record, could bomb out of the playoffs, while a team like mine which languished in last place for most of the season could sneak in. The important games will be those between the teams currently 4-6, 5-5, or 6-4. I'll be highlighting those each week in my Previews. For now, though, let's take a gander back at NBD '08 Week 10.
Stadler & Waldorf 113.32, Mephistopheles 103.68
Despite their usual standings as league pincushions, the Tarasovics came out fighting this week, and of course it was at the expense of each other. Ray J's been getting big numbers out of Drew Brees (23) and occasional breakouts from DeSean Jackson (15) all year, but the rest of his big showing this week came from some unexpected sources. I was flabbergasted to see my own draftee, Ricky Williams, enter the Mephistophelian revolving door of running backs, and even flabbergasted-er to see him drop 19 points on me during the early games. And Todd Heap (18)? I honestly thought he was dead. But those pleasant surprises weren't pleasant enough in the face of the Stadler & Waldorf onslaught. The rookie combo of Matt Ryan (18) and Matt Forte (19) continues to impress. This week they received some veteran assistance in the form of Tony Gonzalez's biggest day of the season, and Gonzo's second touchdown in the waning moments of the Kansas City-San Diego game was a huge difference-maker in this one. Later that night, Brandon Jacobs' 23-point outing sealed the deal, putting the game out of the reach of Ray's Monday Night kicker, Neil Rackers (11).
CH Croakies 127.80, Woody's Warriors 84.90
I had hoped that my 113-point outing would be enough to secure me top scorer honors for the second week in a row, but I was even't close to matching the week 10 Croakies squad. The Croakies, who had yet to top 104 points this season, went way beyond that in pouring it on over the hapless Warriors, with almost the entire team in double-digits. Leading the way were Adrian Peterson (29) and the Green Bay Defense (20), which seems somewhat paradoxical considering that they were playing each other. In looking back at my Week 10 Preview, I'm sort of shocked that I didn't take Elliott to task for the fact that he was starting Joe Flacco and Kevin Smith, but I'm glad I didn't. Flacco (18) is apparently eager to show everyone that Matt Ryan is not the only rookie quarterback who can lead his team to success, and Kevin Smith (18) hasn't remotely matched fellow NFC North rookie rusher Matt Forte this season, but he came pretty close on Sunday. With all of these big performances from the Croakies, we shouldn't overlook the huge day by Woody's Maurice Jones-Drew (27), who persists in being an all-or-nothing fantasy play. Unfortunately for Woody, he blew one of his "all's" on a day when most of the rest of the Warriors brought nothing, and some brought even less (I'm looking at you, Marc Bulger's -0.4 pts).
Chestpubes & Ballfro 79.26, Matt Ryan Loves Dogs 88.42
The Mercenary Award for the week goes to Brady Quinn, who was picked up by Colly last Wednesday, scored 18 points for him on Thursday, and was promptly sent back to the waiver wire this Wednesday. One has to question the wisdom of such a quick drop, especially considering that Quinn was Chestpubes & Ballfro's leading scorer last week. Perhaps his sculpted and likely clean-shaven torso simply did not jibe with the C & B ethos. He certainly did not seem to inspire his teammates to greatness, as the only other decent scorers for Colly this week, Roddy White (13) and LaDainian Tomlinson (11), were actually well below what you'd hope for from them. Meanwhile, Matt Ryan Loves Dogs continued their march towards the top of the rankings with a fourth straight win. Most of Koehler's squad was pretty lame this week (5 points or less for 5 starters), but when Thomas Jones (33) has the biggest day of his fantasy career and Kurt Warner (25) continues his campaign for MVP with his third straight 20+ point game, much lameness can be overcome.
The Dutch Rudders 79.54, Burke City Giants 101.08
I was unfamiliar with the term "Dutch Rudder" before Derek chose it as his name a little while back, and an Urban Dictionary search still leaves some equivocation as to whether it refers to a man getting masturbatory assistance from another person controlling their arm movements, or the act of steering another person around a room by sticking your dick up their ass. Either way, Michael Toobin is probably horrified, even though his team effectively cock-caulked Derek's this weekend and forced Eli Manning (15), LenDale White (8) and company to hold the arms of DeAngelo Williams (20), Reggie Wayne (17) and Michael Turner (16) as they brought themselves to completion all over the faces of the New York Giants' Defense (25). Man, I'm glad we've got Dads in the league.
[Note: to complete the Dad freak-out, I just did a video search for "Dutch Rudder" to try to embed in the blog, but my browser froze and broke down. I thought I had lost this entire post, which probably would have served me right. But the auto-save feature brought me back to life, demonstrating the wonderful convenience of modern computers. Then again, this same wonderful convenience is what will bring up "Dutch Rudder" everytime somebody using my computer searches for something starting with the letter D from now on. Win some, lose some.]
$5 Foot Long 90.08, Lassard Blows Harris 108.16
I was just talking to a buddy of mine about how each of us had traded for Anquan Boldin a few weeks back in other fantasy leagues, and how smug and happy we felt for having unloaded our useless players for a guy who has simply exploded over the past month. Papkin actually drafted Boldin, who led his team with 23 this week, so he's probably not quite as taken with Q as we are, but he's gotta be loving the production he's getting out of his 4th-rounder. His 1st-rounder, it should be noted, was Willie Parker, which might have been crippling for some owners, but Papkin's astute pick-up of his replacement, Mewelde Moore (23), has paid huge dividends. This week, Boldin and Moore were enough to take down the league's top team, though I should add that they got a significant helping hand from Donovan McNabb (22), who is amazingly 10 weeks into the season without a ruptured spleen, concave meniscus, or split gash. Haller got the week off to a huge start on Thursday night thanks to Cutler, Marshall and Torain (60 combined points), but could only manage half that from all the rest of his guys on Sunday. With Torain done for the season and Portis struggling with a strained MCL, Haller's regular season powerhouse may be limping into the playoffs - wait, he's got BenJarvus Green-Ellis, too? What the fuck have the rest of us been doing with the waiver wire?
Wyld Stallyns 78.84, Tri Steeg Area 60.10
Like the lungs of these two owners, this was a hideous pair of performances. Both of these rosters featured 0-fers this week, but while I'm pretty sure DeYoung should have known ahead of time that Steven Jackson wasn't going to play, Manning probably had no reason to suspect that Bernard Berrian wasn't going to show up, especially after his dominance the past few weeks.
[program interruption: just watched Rudy Fernandez hit a nasty jumper after a spin move to ice this game for Portland. Go Blazers! Also, Oden appears to have made it through an entire game without hurting himself. Way to go, G.O.]
Back to the Stallyns-Steegers match-up: Ultimately, DeYoung's early advantage thanks to Eddie Royal's big Thursday night (22) proved to be the difference in this one. Peyton Manning (20) made an effort to bring the game back into reach, but the rest of the Area did next to nothing to help (Lee Evans - 2, Jonathan Stewart - 2, Owen Daniels -1).
Thus ends another exciting week of NBD football. Things are really heating up in the playoff race; tune back in this weekend for a preview of all the important match-ups in Week 11.
So but anyways, here's how I decided to predict the remainder of the season. First, I looked at each team's performance over the past 5 weeks to get an idea of what we could expect from each team in their current configurations. The big surprise here was that the top scorer over the past 5 weeks has been none other than yours truly! That's right, in the second half of the season I've averaged a whopping 98.1 points per game. I am followed, not surprisingly, by the 7-3 $5 Foot Long (96.4ppg), then the somewhat surprising CH Croakies (96.0ppg), and then the extremely surprising Woody's Warriors (94.9ppg). So once I determined each team's points-per-game average, I compared each team to their upcoming opponents and established a probable record for their next three games. Adding this probable record to their established record, I was able to determine who will make the playoffs. The results may shock you:
Team / Current Record / Final-3 Prediction / Final Record
$5 Foot Long / 7-3 / W-W-W / 10-3
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs / 7-3 / W-L-W / 9-4
Wyld Stallyns / 7-3 / L-W-L / 8-5
Lassard Blows Harris / 5-5 / W-W-W / 8-5
CH Croakies / 5-5 / W-L-W / 7-6
Stadler & Waldorf / 4-6 / W-W-W / 7-6
Chestpubes & Ballfro / 5-5 / L-W-L / 6-7
Burke City Giants / 6-4 / L-L-L / 6-7
Woody's Warriors / 3-7 / W-W-L / 5-8
Tri Steeg Area / 5-5 / L-L-L / 5-8
Dutch Rudders / 3-7 / L-L-W / 4-9
Mephistopheles / 3-7 / L-L-L / 3-10
That's right, bitches. If the trends of the last 5 weeks hold, you'll be seeing Stadler & Waldorf in the playoffs. Now, we all know that fantasy football is not nearly as predictable as simple statistical projections, and that so much is based on weekly match-ups, injuries, and simple luck. But it is interesting to see the possibilities here, including the very real chance that a team like the Burke City Giants, who currently sit alone at the #4 spot with a 6-4 record, could bomb out of the playoffs, while a team like mine which languished in last place for most of the season could sneak in. The important games will be those between the teams currently 4-6, 5-5, or 6-4. I'll be highlighting those each week in my Previews. For now, though, let's take a gander back at NBD '08 Week 10.
Stadler & Waldorf 113.32, Mephistopheles 103.68
Despite their usual standings as league pincushions, the Tarasovics came out fighting this week, and of course it was at the expense of each other. Ray J's been getting big numbers out of Drew Brees (23) and occasional breakouts from DeSean Jackson (15) all year, but the rest of his big showing this week came from some unexpected sources. I was flabbergasted to see my own draftee, Ricky Williams, enter the Mephistophelian revolving door of running backs, and even flabbergasted-er to see him drop 19 points on me during the early games. And Todd Heap (18)? I honestly thought he was dead. But those pleasant surprises weren't pleasant enough in the face of the Stadler & Waldorf onslaught. The rookie combo of Matt Ryan (18) and Matt Forte (19) continues to impress. This week they received some veteran assistance in the form of Tony Gonzalez's biggest day of the season, and Gonzo's second touchdown in the waning moments of the Kansas City-San Diego game was a huge difference-maker in this one. Later that night, Brandon Jacobs' 23-point outing sealed the deal, putting the game out of the reach of Ray's Monday Night kicker, Neil Rackers (11).
CH Croakies 127.80, Woody's Warriors 84.90
I had hoped that my 113-point outing would be enough to secure me top scorer honors for the second week in a row, but I was even't close to matching the week 10 Croakies squad. The Croakies, who had yet to top 104 points this season, went way beyond that in pouring it on over the hapless Warriors, with almost the entire team in double-digits. Leading the way were Adrian Peterson (29) and the Green Bay Defense (20), which seems somewhat paradoxical considering that they were playing each other. In looking back at my Week 10 Preview, I'm sort of shocked that I didn't take Elliott to task for the fact that he was starting Joe Flacco and Kevin Smith, but I'm glad I didn't. Flacco (18) is apparently eager to show everyone that Matt Ryan is not the only rookie quarterback who can lead his team to success, and Kevin Smith (18) hasn't remotely matched fellow NFC North rookie rusher Matt Forte this season, but he came pretty close on Sunday. With all of these big performances from the Croakies, we shouldn't overlook the huge day by Woody's Maurice Jones-Drew (27), who persists in being an all-or-nothing fantasy play. Unfortunately for Woody, he blew one of his "all's" on a day when most of the rest of the Warriors brought nothing, and some brought even less (I'm looking at you, Marc Bulger's -0.4 pts).
Chestpubes & Ballfro 79.26, Matt Ryan Loves Dogs 88.42
The Mercenary Award for the week goes to Brady Quinn, who was picked up by Colly last Wednesday, scored 18 points for him on Thursday, and was promptly sent back to the waiver wire this Wednesday. One has to question the wisdom of such a quick drop, especially considering that Quinn was Chestpubes & Ballfro's leading scorer last week. Perhaps his sculpted and likely clean-shaven torso simply did not jibe with the C & B ethos. He certainly did not seem to inspire his teammates to greatness, as the only other decent scorers for Colly this week, Roddy White (13) and LaDainian Tomlinson (11), were actually well below what you'd hope for from them. Meanwhile, Matt Ryan Loves Dogs continued their march towards the top of the rankings with a fourth straight win. Most of Koehler's squad was pretty lame this week (5 points or less for 5 starters), but when Thomas Jones (33) has the biggest day of his fantasy career and Kurt Warner (25) continues his campaign for MVP with his third straight 20+ point game, much lameness can be overcome.
The Dutch Rudders 79.54, Burke City Giants 101.08
I was unfamiliar with the term "Dutch Rudder" before Derek chose it as his name a little while back, and an Urban Dictionary search still leaves some equivocation as to whether it refers to a man getting masturbatory assistance from another person controlling their arm movements, or the act of steering another person around a room by sticking your dick up their ass. Either way, Michael Toobin is probably horrified, even though his team effectively cock-caulked Derek's this weekend and forced Eli Manning (15), LenDale White (8) and company to hold the arms of DeAngelo Williams (20), Reggie Wayne (17) and Michael Turner (16) as they brought themselves to completion all over the faces of the New York Giants' Defense (25). Man, I'm glad we've got Dads in the league.
[Note: to complete the Dad freak-out, I just did a video search for "Dutch Rudder" to try to embed in the blog, but my browser froze and broke down. I thought I had lost this entire post, which probably would have served me right. But the auto-save feature brought me back to life, demonstrating the wonderful convenience of modern computers. Then again, this same wonderful convenience is what will bring up "Dutch Rudder" everytime somebody using my computer searches for something starting with the letter D from now on. Win some, lose some.]
$5 Foot Long 90.08, Lassard Blows Harris 108.16
I was just talking to a buddy of mine about how each of us had traded for Anquan Boldin a few weeks back in other fantasy leagues, and how smug and happy we felt for having unloaded our useless players for a guy who has simply exploded over the past month. Papkin actually drafted Boldin, who led his team with 23 this week, so he's probably not quite as taken with Q as we are, but he's gotta be loving the production he's getting out of his 4th-rounder. His 1st-rounder, it should be noted, was Willie Parker, which might have been crippling for some owners, but Papkin's astute pick-up of his replacement, Mewelde Moore (23), has paid huge dividends. This week, Boldin and Moore were enough to take down the league's top team, though I should add that they got a significant helping hand from Donovan McNabb (22), who is amazingly 10 weeks into the season without a ruptured spleen, concave meniscus, or split gash. Haller got the week off to a huge start on Thursday night thanks to Cutler, Marshall and Torain (60 combined points), but could only manage half that from all the rest of his guys on Sunday. With Torain done for the season and Portis struggling with a strained MCL, Haller's regular season powerhouse may be limping into the playoffs - wait, he's got BenJarvus Green-Ellis, too? What the fuck have the rest of us been doing with the waiver wire?
Wyld Stallyns 78.84, Tri Steeg Area 60.10
Like the lungs of these two owners, this was a hideous pair of performances. Both of these rosters featured 0-fers this week, but while I'm pretty sure DeYoung should have known ahead of time that Steven Jackson wasn't going to play, Manning probably had no reason to suspect that Bernard Berrian wasn't going to show up, especially after his dominance the past few weeks.
[program interruption: just watched Rudy Fernandez hit a nasty jumper after a spin move to ice this game for Portland. Go Blazers! Also, Oden appears to have made it through an entire game without hurting himself. Way to go, G.O.]
Back to the Stallyns-Steegers match-up: Ultimately, DeYoung's early advantage thanks to Eddie Royal's big Thursday night (22) proved to be the difference in this one. Peyton Manning (20) made an effort to bring the game back into reach, but the rest of the Area did next to nothing to help (Lee Evans - 2, Jonathan Stewart - 2, Owen Daniels -1).
Thus ends another exciting week of NBD football. Things are really heating up in the playoff race; tune back in this weekend for a preview of all the important match-ups in Week 11.
11.09.2008
BIFL - Week 10 Preview
Whoops! Was hoping to do an expansive preview this week, but I just woke up on Sunday morning with not a lot of time til the games start, so I'll dive right in and hopefully get these done with enough time to find a weird nature picture and a hot lady.
Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts (2-7) vs. Jeff Stryker is not really gay (5-4)
OK so we already know a little bit about this game: Ryan Torain, Brandon Marshall, and D'Qwell Jackson have already gone for Juse. Just when it looked like Justin had found a running back who would be productive and healthy, Torain destroyed his knee. What Shoaf is to quarterbacks, Juse is to running backs. Anyway, Will also had one guy play already, but you would hardly know it by his score, since Braylon Edwards managed a mere point. Even with a lead, though, I don't see the Argos staying ahead of Kurt Warner going against the Niners and Adrian Peterson going against the Packers.
Stryker by 5
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (5-3-1) vs. Santonio's Blunts (3-6)
Bardey's wide receiver opponents (Atlanta, Baltimore and Indy) are all among the top 10 at keeping down fantasy receivers. His running back opponents (Minnesota and Tennesssee) are among the top 11 at keeping down fantasy running backs. His quarterback opponent (the Giants) are #4. Dick has two guys going against the Raiders. Need I go on?
Poon-Pounders by 12
Sky Vault Centurions (5-4) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (4-5)
Well this is pretty unfair. Three days ago I'm pretty sure I would have picked the Chachfaces. I think the Rams-Jets game will be a shootout and Torry Holt will get some of those points. I think Tim Hightower will have a big day against San Fran. I think Philip Rivers will probably be solid versus the Chiefs. But I only think all these things. I know that Jay Cutler blew up against the Browns on Thursday for 35 points. I don't really see Andre wasting that performance.
Sky Vault by 10
I hate these thursday games, by the way.
I also really want some breakfast.
Egon Spengler (5-4) vs. FUBAR (6-2-1)
Fucking 14 points from the kicker already? God damn I hate these thursday games. I'm pinning my "comeback" hopes on Brett Favre, who I think might be capable of another one of those 6-touchdown games against St. Louis today. I also think he might be capable of a 6-interception day. I'm fucked.
FUBAR by 5
Manatee Eaters (7-2) vs. Chip Lohmiller (4-5)
Wow. Dekker is starting Joe Flacco this week. Normally that'd be enough for me to declare Chuck the winner, but Eddie Royal may have saved the day by post 26 points already. I'm also not anticipating huge days out of any of Chuck's guys.
Lohmiller by 4
Pet Monkey (4-5) vs. Alligator Fuckhouse (3-6)
I'll just re-print the smackboard here:
William Meyers (Nov 7 1:30 AM): after watching tonights game, i was not at all surprised to come back and see that i was playing against kellen winslow. it's a miracle souts doesnt have cutler.William Meyers (Nov 7 1:30 AM): no sir, no bitterness here.
I love you Billy. And your squad of losers.
Fuckhouse by 6
Last week: 2-4 (yikes! fucking tie)
Overall: 35-19
Oh, no.
Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts (2-7) vs. Jeff Stryker is not really gay (5-4)
OK so we already know a little bit about this game: Ryan Torain, Brandon Marshall, and D'Qwell Jackson have already gone for Juse. Just when it looked like Justin had found a running back who would be productive and healthy, Torain destroyed his knee. What Shoaf is to quarterbacks, Juse is to running backs. Anyway, Will also had one guy play already, but you would hardly know it by his score, since Braylon Edwards managed a mere point. Even with a lead, though, I don't see the Argos staying ahead of Kurt Warner going against the Niners and Adrian Peterson going against the Packers.
Stryker by 5
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (5-3-1) vs. Santonio's Blunts (3-6)
Bardey's wide receiver opponents (Atlanta, Baltimore and Indy) are all among the top 10 at keeping down fantasy receivers. His running back opponents (Minnesota and Tennesssee) are among the top 11 at keeping down fantasy running backs. His quarterback opponent (the Giants) are #4. Dick has two guys going against the Raiders. Need I go on?
Poon-Pounders by 12
Sky Vault Centurions (5-4) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (4-5)
Well this is pretty unfair. Three days ago I'm pretty sure I would have picked the Chachfaces. I think the Rams-Jets game will be a shootout and Torry Holt will get some of those points. I think Tim Hightower will have a big day against San Fran. I think Philip Rivers will probably be solid versus the Chiefs. But I only think all these things. I know that Jay Cutler blew up against the Browns on Thursday for 35 points. I don't really see Andre wasting that performance.
Sky Vault by 10
I hate these thursday games, by the way.
I also really want some breakfast.
Egon Spengler (5-4) vs. FUBAR (6-2-1)
Fucking 14 points from the kicker already? God damn I hate these thursday games. I'm pinning my "comeback" hopes on Brett Favre, who I think might be capable of another one of those 6-touchdown games against St. Louis today. I also think he might be capable of a 6-interception day. I'm fucked.
FUBAR by 5
Manatee Eaters (7-2) vs. Chip Lohmiller (4-5)
Wow. Dekker is starting Joe Flacco this week. Normally that'd be enough for me to declare Chuck the winner, but Eddie Royal may have saved the day by post 26 points already. I'm also not anticipating huge days out of any of Chuck's guys.
Lohmiller by 4
Pet Monkey (4-5) vs. Alligator Fuckhouse (3-6)
I'll just re-print the smackboard here:
William Meyers (Nov 7 1:30 AM): after watching tonights game, i was not at all surprised to come back and see that i was playing against kellen winslow. it's a miracle souts doesnt have cutler.William Meyers (Nov 7 1:30 AM): no sir, no bitterness here.
I love you Billy. And your squad of losers.
Fuckhouse by 6
Last week: 2-4 (yikes! fucking tie)
Overall: 35-19
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
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