Due to mounting personal obligations (1st quarter grades due, book club, fantasy basketball drafting, Rock Band 2) and a general need to re-charge my creativity batteries, FtDoCEL is gonna be on semi-hiatus for the next week or two, with barebones Reviews and Previews. Plenty of big plans for November, though, as I'll have some days off for Election Day, Veterans' Day and Thanksgiving, and plan on re-visiting my post-draft commentary and updating the Power Rankings. Before I dip into speed-post mode, just wanted to thank folks for reading and posting comments. I'm having a good time doing this thing.
Here's Week 7 in a nutshell:
Stadler & Waldorf 115.34, Burke City Giants 71.28
Look at S&W resembling a real fantasy football squad! If you round up Tony Gonzalez's 9.7, only one of my players missed double-digits. Great job, guys! Resume suckitude now.
CH Croakies 103.94, Lassard Blows Harris 98.64
At some point I'll have to admit that Adrian Peterson (25) is good, and that his legs aren't going to explode and leave Elliott (and Will in BIFL) in the lurch. But this is not that week.
Chestpubes & Ballfro 79.76, Wyld Stallyns 94.34
I just saw the new McCain "I'm Joe the Plumber" ad on TV. Wasn't that whole thing, like, immediately discredited? Now they're basing an entire ad campaign on it? Seems like an odd decision. I bring this up only because Joe (Colly, not the plumber) is apparently spending all his time and energy working on an actual substantial campaign for Obama, and it is hurting his team. This week saw him start Brad Johnson, Domenik Hixon, and Jamaal Charles. Cletus, the presidential race is practically won, but there's still plenty of fantasy football left! Priorities!
The Leadfarmers 102.84, Hamster Now Guinea Pig 136.92
23 for Dominic Rhodes? 20 for Sammy Morris? 22 for the Bears Defense? (Matt) Haller simply can do no wrong this year, fantasy-wise. I rest assured that he is doing plenty of wrong in almost every other facet of his life, however.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs 72.20, Mephistopheles 33.24
And the medic gets out and says "Oh... my... god." (New guy's in the corner puking his guts out.)
This was a fantasy disaster. The irony is that Ray just pointed out the "Records" tab on the league homepage this weekend, and now he takes up residence on it.
Woody's Warriors 79.72, Tri Steeg Area 86.26
My guess is that most of you are aware of other game scores via StatTracker or these write-ups, but it's worth checking in on the "Match-Up" pages each week just to see if there's any commentary, such as the simply eloquent "chinese bastard" posted by Kex this week.
If anyone feels they deserved a longer write-up, feel free to post your own in the comments section. Later.
10.23.2008
10.22.2008
BIFL - Week 7 Review
Due to mounting personal obligations (1st quarter grades due, book club, fantasy basketball drafting, Rock Band 2) and a general need to re-charge my creativity batteries, FtDoCEL is gonna be on semi-hiatus for the next week or two, with barebones Reviews and Previews. Plenty of big plans for November, though, as I'll have some days off for Election Day, Veterans' Day and Thanksgiving, and plan on re-visiting my post-draft commentary and updating the Power Rankings. Before I dip into speed-post mode, just wanted to thank folks for reading and posting comments. I'm having a good time doing this thing.
Here's Week 7 in a nutshell:
Cholish Chachfaces 73, Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts 96
Sammy Morris (21) is good? Matt Schaub (18) wins fantasy games? Okay.
Manatee Eaters 63.5, Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 76.5
I told you Chuck's team was not that good. Neither is Dick's, by the way.
Egon Spengler 114.5, Sky Vault Centurions 91
Phew. Avoided the dreaded 2-5. Thanks Steven Jackson (39) and Chris Johnson (26)! I think I'll trade one of you now.
FUBAR 101.5, Pet Monkey 83.5
I'm not sure if I ever actually wrote it, but I was of the opinion that trading away Roy Williams was gonna hurt Calvin Johnson since defenses would be able to focus all their energies on him. Um, no. (29 points this week.)
Alligator Fuckhouse 125, Hernial Growth 90.5
You may question the maturity of me refusing to write about Soutendijk's team after he failed to join me and Doit at the sports bar for Week 6, but he did come out this week. He also had an incredible fantasy week, destroying Doit. We all win! (Except for Bardey)
Jeff Stryker is not really gay 126.5, Chip Lohmiller 111
Happy Wedding, Will! We all chipped in and got you the high score of the week.
That's all I'm getting you, by the way. Shouldn't have cancelled that big wedding in the spring.
Use your time off from reading an extended blog post this week to do something with your lives, you sorry fucks.
Here's Week 7 in a nutshell:
Cholish Chachfaces 73, Juse and the Arrrrrghonauts 96
Sammy Morris (21) is good? Matt Schaub (18) wins fantasy games? Okay.
Manatee Eaters 63.5, Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 76.5
I told you Chuck's team was not that good. Neither is Dick's, by the way.
Egon Spengler 114.5, Sky Vault Centurions 91
Phew. Avoided the dreaded 2-5. Thanks Steven Jackson (39) and Chris Johnson (26)! I think I'll trade one of you now.
FUBAR 101.5, Pet Monkey 83.5
I'm not sure if I ever actually wrote it, but I was of the opinion that trading away Roy Williams was gonna hurt Calvin Johnson since defenses would be able to focus all their energies on him. Um, no. (29 points this week.)
Alligator Fuckhouse 125, Hernial Growth 90.5
You may question the maturity of me refusing to write about Soutendijk's team after he failed to join me and Doit at the sports bar for Week 6, but he did come out this week. He also had an incredible fantasy week, destroying Doit. We all win! (Except for Bardey)
Jeff Stryker is not really gay 126.5, Chip Lohmiller 111
Happy Wedding, Will! We all chipped in and got you the high score of the week.
That's all I'm getting you, by the way. Shouldn't have cancelled that big wedding in the spring.
Use your time off from reading an extended blog post this week to do something with your lives, you sorry fucks.
10.18.2008
BIFL - Week 7 Preview
If brevity is the soul of wit, then I must be one witty motherfucker, because this shit is gonna be brev.
Cholish Chachfaces (4-2) vs. Juse & the Arrrrrghonauts (1-5)
I made extra sure that I got the right number of r's in "arrrrrghonauts." Juse is desparate for a win here. I'm gonna give it to him, because I've got a 70% prediction rate, so I can afford to take a risk on a clearly inferior team.
Juse by 8
Manatee Eaters (6-0) vs. Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-3)
6-0? Really? Chuck's team just isn't that good. Dick has weak defensive opponents, and a dude named Yeremiah on his roster. Yerefuckingmiah.
Pounders of Poon by 8
Sky Vault Centurions (4-2) vs. Egon Spengler (2-4)
Ugh. I really want to win this game. If I go 2-5, I'm fucked. At 2-5 you can't really keep making excuses about your team being good and having tough losses, or having a tough schedule, or whatever. If you're 2-5 your team is just bad. You wanna know what I think of my team?
Centurions by 10
FUBAR (4-2) vs. Pet Monkey (3-3)
I think it's entirely within the realm of possibility that Drew Brees and Frank Gore are the only players to score in this game. Billy is still starting TJ Duckett, whose ESPN projection includes the word "murky."
FUBAR by 14
Alligator Fuckhouse (2-4) vs. Hernial Growth (2-4)
Soutendijk had a hernia one time. No joke. Just looked down in the shower one morning and there was an extra ball. Scary shit, man. Anyways, this is a real clash of the titans. When Trent Edwards takes on Matt Cassel, does anyone really win?
Hernial Growth by 8
Jeff Stryker is not really gay (2-4) vs. Chip Lohmiller (3-3)
Man, injuries and bye weeks sure can make for some odd starts. Will's got Dominic Rhodes going in this one and Dekker's got Mewelde Moore and Jamaal Charles. I mean, I've heard of Rhodes and Moore, but I don't have the first idea who Jamaal Charles is or what he looks like. So I'm gonna go ahead and pick a team that's starting Kyle Orton.
Jeff Stryker by 9
Last week: 5-1
Overall: 25-11
Agh!
Ahhhh...
Cholish Chachfaces (4-2) vs. Juse & the Arrrrrghonauts (1-5)
I made extra sure that I got the right number of r's in "arrrrrghonauts." Juse is desparate for a win here. I'm gonna give it to him, because I've got a 70% prediction rate, so I can afford to take a risk on a clearly inferior team.
Juse by 8
Manatee Eaters (6-0) vs. Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-3)
6-0? Really? Chuck's team just isn't that good. Dick has weak defensive opponents, and a dude named Yeremiah on his roster. Yerefuckingmiah.
Pounders of Poon by 8
Sky Vault Centurions (4-2) vs. Egon Spengler (2-4)
Ugh. I really want to win this game. If I go 2-5, I'm fucked. At 2-5 you can't really keep making excuses about your team being good and having tough losses, or having a tough schedule, or whatever. If you're 2-5 your team is just bad. You wanna know what I think of my team?
Centurions by 10
FUBAR (4-2) vs. Pet Monkey (3-3)
I think it's entirely within the realm of possibility that Drew Brees and Frank Gore are the only players to score in this game. Billy is still starting TJ Duckett, whose ESPN projection includes the word "murky."
FUBAR by 14
Alligator Fuckhouse (2-4) vs. Hernial Growth (2-4)
Soutendijk had a hernia one time. No joke. Just looked down in the shower one morning and there was an extra ball. Scary shit, man. Anyways, this is a real clash of the titans. When Trent Edwards takes on Matt Cassel, does anyone really win?
Hernial Growth by 8
Jeff Stryker is not really gay (2-4) vs. Chip Lohmiller (3-3)
Man, injuries and bye weeks sure can make for some odd starts. Will's got Dominic Rhodes going in this one and Dekker's got Mewelde Moore and Jamaal Charles. I mean, I've heard of Rhodes and Moore, but I don't have the first idea who Jamaal Charles is or what he looks like. So I'm gonna go ahead and pick a team that's starting Kyle Orton.
Jeff Stryker by 9
Last week: 5-1
Overall: 25-11
Agh!
Ahhhh...
NBD - Week 7 Preview
Picking Ray-Ray up early at the airport tomorrow, and then the whole Sovic clan is off to a wedding, so previews and predictions will be brief this week.
Stadler & Waldorf (1-5) vs. Burke City Giants (4-2)
You would think the Texans are a fantasy powerhouse by the number of them in this game (Schaub and Slaton for Michael, Johnson and benched Walter for me). They are playing the Lions, which usually means big numbers. Unfortunately mine will be cancelled out by his, and my other big guns are playing tough defenses.
Burke City by 9
CH Croakies (3-3) vs. Lassard Blows Harris (3-3)
This should be a low-scoring event, with a lot of guys playing good defenses and a few starters on byes. Hard to pick a winner, but in light of my concession earlier this week, I gotta go with Papkin.
LBH by 3
Hamster by 14
Stadler & Waldorf (1-5) vs. Burke City Giants (4-2)
You would think the Texans are a fantasy powerhouse by the number of them in this game (Schaub and Slaton for Michael, Johnson and benched Walter for me). They are playing the Lions, which usually means big numbers. Unfortunately mine will be cancelled out by his, and my other big guns are playing tough defenses.
Burke City by 9
CH Croakies (3-3) vs. Lassard Blows Harris (3-3)
This should be a low-scoring event, with a lot of guys playing good defenses and a few starters on byes. Hard to pick a winner, but in light of my concession earlier this week, I gotta go with Papkin.
LBH by 3
Chestpubes & Ballfro (3-3) vs. Wyld Stallyns (3-3)
So apparently Tony Romo is playing, but I suspect he won't be full strength, and Felix Jones is still not playing. Also I see big things for DeYoung this week. Not sure why.
Stallyns by 10
The Leadfarmers (3-3) vs. Hamster Now Guinea Pig (5-1)
Hallers collide. If there were a god, the collision would destroy them both. But there isn't, so we'll be stuck with a 6-1 'Tosis team.Hamster by 14
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (3-3) vs. Mephistopheles (3-3)
Mephistopheles is as hot as his domain right now, currently on a 3-game win streak. With MRLD starting Chad Pennington and Roy Williams, who probably knows 4-5 plays at this point, I suspect it'll continue.
Mephistopheles by 6
I don't know what the fuck is going on with the spacing right now. Every time I hit return it advances like 5 lines.
Woody's Warriors (2-4) vs. Tri Steeg Area (3-3)
Normally when I point out a bunch of starters for one team, with the point being "can you believe this guy's starting these jokers?", those jokers end up having huge days. But it's not gonna stop me from pointing out that Woody's starting Ahmad Bradshaw, Selvin Young, and Antwaan Randle El.
Tri Steeg by 15
Last week: 4-2
Overall: 24-12
If you're into drugs, you can stare at stuff like this for hours:
But afterwards you gotta take your glasses off and stretch it out a little bit. Am I right, babe?
10.15.2008
BIFL - Week 6 Review
So yesterday was the NFL trade deadline, and as usual, nothing too huge happened. The biggest news was Roy Williams heading to Dallas, where he and TO can compete to see who bitches more about how they should be a bigger part of the offense. Of course, there may not be an offense in Big D for a little while, what with Brad Johnson taking over for Tony Romo, and maybe no defense either with Terrence Newman ailing and Pacman suspended again. I'm really feeling for Jerry Jones right now; he must be so disappointed.
Anyways, all this reminded me that our trade deadline usually comes and goes without anything too major happening either, so I thought I'd use my platform here to help things along. I took a look at each team to see what sorts of assets they might have to trade or where they may need strengthening. Hopefully this will prod some of you into realizing that you can actually help each other out, and we will have a healthy transaction wire at last. Without further ado:
(keeper round status will be indicated in parentheses; no number indicates that the player will not be keepable next season)
Juse and the Argonauts: Juse has an embarrasment of riches at WR, with Plax (4) and Brandon Marshall (8) currently in the lineup and Anquan Boldin (3) presumably returning soon, as well resurgent golden-agers Isaac Bruce (9) and Marvin Harrison. He could use some help at RB and potentially upgrade at QB. Worth noting, however, that he does have 3 QBs on his roster - Schaub, Anderson (5), and Delhomme (11) - and a lot of people are hurting for those these days.
Alligator Fuckhouse: Souts' team doesn't have a lot of talent on it to trade away, but Michael Pittman on his bench does strike me as someone who could potentially find a spot as a RB2 or bye week fill-in on another roster. The major trading power that Souts has is Tom Brady (1) in his IR spot, who you could probably acquire the keeper rights to for less-than-Brady talent.
Hernial Growth: Ha! I just saw Bardey's new team name for the first time, and love that it's a joke that only he, Trost and I would get. And I also love that DJ White appears to actually be holding his jaw in the picture. Anyways, Bardey appears to be starting Brad Johnson this week, so I'm assuming one of the players he'll want to trade for is a quarterback. If Bardey has a surplus, it's probably at WR, where he's got the returning Marques Colston (2) as well as the seemingly-back-on-track Andre Johnson (3), plus Santonio Holmes (6). He's also the guy to talk to if you're looking to invest in the future of your RB corps, with two rookies - Matt Forte (5) & Kevin Smith (4) - and 2nd-year man Ryan Grant (1). Grant has sucked so far this year, but he was a monster in the second half of last year, so if you think he can regain that form, now is your "buy low" opportunity.
Pet Monkey: Billy's team actually seems pretty well-balanced to me, with a solid QB, two reasonable RBs, and two strong WRs. If there are trades assets here, it may be in trying to sell off LenDale White (6) and Jerious Norwood (10) as handcuffs to Chris Johnson and Michael Turner owners. Hey, both of those are me!
Chip Lohmiller: Dekker just lost Tony Romo (2), and at 3-3 can't really afford to ride out the next month without him, so now might be the time to take advantage if you've got QBs to spare. I would think his biggest bargaining chip in acquiring a QB would be one of the Philly RBs, either trading Buckhalter to someone who needs a quick fix for a few weeks or Westbrook (4) to someone who can afford to sit on him for a bit. By the way, between Romo being down and Philly being on a bye, Ben's starting Jeff Garcia, Mewelde Moore, and Cedric Benson this week. Congrats on your victory, Will!
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon: Like Billy's, this is a team that seems relatively well-balanced, without major surpluses at one position or deficits at another. If you're looking to pick up some injured guys on the cheap that might help you later in the season, though, you could try prying Carson Palmer (3) or Kevin Curtis (10) from him, if you're of the mind that they'll be viable fantasy options once they're healthy. I'm not certain I do.
Egon Spengler: I've mentioned this before, but I've got two viable fantasy quarterbacks in Favre (6) and Campbell (11), three perfectly startable fantasy RBs in Johnson (7), S-Jax (1) and Turner (3), and a sub-par group of receivers. I'm 2-4 here, folks, and way open to offers! None of these guys is untradeable for me! I'd love just one stud wideout!
Sky Vault Centurions: This is the highest-scoring team in the league, so I'm not sure if they'd want to make a trade. They're also pretty well-balanced, with no glaring holes to address. The one trade asset of interest here is Roy Williams (3). So far this year he's been mediocre at best, but depending on what you think the ramifications of his move to the Cowboys - Will he benefit from being opposite TO? Is he being groomed to replace him? - he could have some pretty big upside and be available pretty cheaply from an owner who's been disappointed by him so far this season and doesn't necessarily need to take a chance on keeping him.
Manatee Eaters: This is the second highest-scoring team, and the only undefeated one, so they probably won't want to mess too much with perfection. That said, there are some definite strengths/weaknesses to this club that could be exploited in a trade. First of all, they're super-deep at RB, with Reggie Bush (2), Ronnie Brown (4), Steve Slaton, and even Edgerrin James (3) as good-to-excellent rushers. So far, the ability to shuffle these guys in and out is probably what's kept Chuck undefeated, but as we get past the bye season, he might want to use one as trade bait to strengthen his receivers, which at the moment is headlined by DeSean Jackson (10) and Bernard Berrian (6). If anyone believes that Randy Moss (5) is going to regain his form as the season goes on, he is here to be bought low as well.
Cholish Chachfaces: I still believe this to be maybe the best group of starters in the league this season, but that said, they are basically starter-deep at each position, without a ton of support on the bench that would lead Chalski to feel comfortable trading away one of those starters. If a trade happens here, it'll likely be a same-same trade, where Mark and another owner have similar quality players and both feel better about the other guy. In other words, the kind of trade that never happens.
FUBAR: Probably Spencer's most valuable trade assets before this weekend were excess running backs, but with Felix Jones (6) and Joseph Addai (1) suffering injuries this weekend, he'll probably want to keep both Le'Ron McLain and Derrick Ward around as fill-ins at that RB2 slot complementing Frank Gore (2). If anything, Spence might want to trade away one of his elite players - Gore and Drew Brees (3) - for several mid-level players to deepen his roster a bit and strengthen his receivers a bit.
Jeff Stryker is not really gay: I'm hoping Will didn't just pick up Dominic Rhodes this week to blackmail Spencer, Joe Addai's owner, with him, but if he did that is certainly a potential trade move for him in the short term. If I were Will, I would instead be looking to trade away Adrian Peterson (2), whose health is a ticking time bomb, but I'm sure he won't do that. Those two guys aside, I don't see any major trade bait on this roster, unless Will is a disbeliever in Braylon Edwards' (5) recent resurgence and can find someone who does believe to give up some talent for him. Will has probably already made his biggest trade of the season, acquiring Kurt Warner from Bardey.
So now that I've done all the heavy lifting of scouting out each team for you, let's see some trades! Find somebody who's strong where you're weak, or weak where you're strong, and make an offer. Remember that our keeper rules reward trades, freezing the keeper value of a traded player, and dropping a player a round if he's kept in the same round as one of your original keepers.
Let's take one last look at your rosters as they were in Week 6 before the dramatic round of trades that this set of Notes will undoubtedly provoke:
Juse and the Argonauts 46, Manatee Eaters 104.5
Y'know, drafting a team is like being a surrogate mother. After that brutal night of excruciating labor, you watch your baby go off into another woman's arms, and all you can do is watch from afar as she raises that baby. And you know that that's what you were getting into when you signed on; the ad on Craig's List made the terms perfectly clear. And ultimately you never regret the decision to let the baby go; you'd have never had time to look after it and your own. But deep down you can't help but suspect that maybe you'd do a better job of raising it yourself. It's especially hard when you see your baby fail as miserably as Juse's team did in Week 6. It's not so much that they did poorly, but that they did poorly because of shoddy parenting. Juse left his top 4 scorers on the bench this week, including two quarterback options (Matt Schaub-24 and Derek Anderson-26) that would have vastly outscored the starter (Jake Delhomme-3). It would be hard to fault him for starting his mighty trio of wideouts, Marshall (7), Burress (11) and Bruce (2), but he left Marvin Harrison's 22 on the bench as well. Even if he'd managed to start Harrison and, somehow, both QBs, he would have had a hard time beating Chuck, who continues on unbeaten in BIFL '08. This week's notch in the belt came courtesy of Peyton Manning (24), Bernard Berrian (23), and Ronnie Brown (15). On top of this offensive blietzkrieg, Chuck also got a big defensive week out of linebacker Robert Mathis, who had three sacks, six tackles, a forced fumble, and a fumble recovery. That sort of multi-category stat day gets me all fired up about fantasy basketball.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 66, Sky Vault Centurions 92
With all this trade talk being bandied about (yes, I realize that "all this trade talk" is just me writing about trades, and that probably doesn't qualify as bandying), I kind of wonder if Andre would just be willing to trade teams with me. I think I'm falling in love with the Sky Vault Centurions roster. My infatuation (and presumably Dre's) begins with Clinton Portis (27), who continued to dominate this week. I have loved CP for years of course, and if you don't watch the Skins regularly you might not realize just what an awesome football player he is, blocking the fuck out of blitzing linebackers and safeties on passing plays and following his own blockers so loyally that he often just grabs onto the backs of their jerseys as he rumbles down the field. But this season his fantasy value is finally catching up to his real value to Washington, and it's a beautiful thing to see. In addition to Portis, Andre's got the manimal Brandon Jacobs (12), who I can't help but enjoy watching mow down tacklers even though he plays for the hated Giants. Larry Fitzgerald (13) is another stud who always seems to come up big and Jay Cutler (13) is the future of fantasy quarterbacking. Throw in this week's benchwarmers smiley-guy Hines Ward and Justin Fargas (I have an inexplicable fondness for shouting out "Fargas!") and you've got a team I could totally get behind. So whaddya say, Dre? I'll let you keep your record, and we'll just swap squads. Come on.
Oh goodness I've gone on and on about Andre's team and left little time to mention Dick's. Fortunately, they didn't do shit this week, so there isn't much to say. Steve Smith (13) was this week's high scorer; I'm pretty sure he's a guy I'll never have on my fantasy team.
Egon Spengler 72.5, Chip Lohmiller 118
Ugh. Last week I complained that my team had suffered an unlucky loss and that we did not deserve to have the same record as heinous franchises like Alligator Fuckhouse and the Skinny White Guys. After performances like this week's, I can no longer complain. We were awful this week, and while 73 points might not look as bad as some of those 50- and 60-point outputs we've seen from the suckier of the BIFL teams this year, my score is really skewed by an incredible 18-point day by my kicker Jason Elam. Oh by the way I immediately cut Elam because he has a bye week. Being a fantasy kicker is even more cutthroat than being a real kicker. Anyways, besides my kicker not a single Spengler reached double-digits. There's not much more to say about it. Lohmiller had a very strong week, including two ginormous performances from Tony Romo (32) and Maurice Jones-Drew (30). MJD must be a frustrating guy to own, as he seems to generally disappoint, but then throw up a great outing every few weeks, forcing you to keep him in your lineup. I was gonna follow that up with a comment about how frustrating it must also be to have a huge pussy in your lineup who sits out when he hurts his itty witty pinkie, but I just read an updated report that Romo may actually try to play through the injury. I do not plan on going back through this entry so far and changing every other reference I've made to Romo being out.
Pet Monkey 85.5, Cholish Chachfaces 124.5
Despite a bad case of bye-litis (LJ, Fast Willie, LenDale, and Big Ben all out), Hollywood's squad actually had a decent week thanks to strong showings from Aaron Rodgers (24) and Roddy White (19). And actually 86 points is incredibly decent when you consider that his starting running backs were Jerious Norwood and TJ Duckett, who combined for 1 point. At least Billy can rest assured that he played his best line-up this week, considering that there wasn't a single point on his bench. Chalski also had his optimum starting roster, and they were optimum enough to be the top scorers in all of BIFL this week. As is usually the case with the top Lassard-ranked squad, they were led by Philip Rivers (28) and Marion Barber (26). I was pretty hammered by the time the 4 o clock games rolled around, and actually played beer pong through most of the 1st quarter, so I'm not sure exactly how the game went, but I do know that the Cowboys lost. So how the fuck did Tony Romo get 32 fantasy points and Barber get 26? Did the Cardinals score a thousand points? I mean, Tim Hightower is on the Chachfaces and he only got 4, so what happened? It's really a conundrum for me: if I stay home, I only get to watch 2-3 games, and don't really see around-the-league action. If I go out, I focus on the Redskins, get plastered watching them, and then black out for all the other games. Is there another way?
It's just a matter of time.
FUBAR 93.5
Like my Uberleague squad, Spencer was able to overcome the -2 point performance by previously reliable Le'Ron McLain this week and gain victory, despite the fact that we had all assumed McLain was going to run all day on the lousy Colts rushing defense. I overcame that on the shoulders of man-crush Clinton Portis, and Spence did it thanks to Drew Brees (26), who has gone batshit crazy with fantasy scoring down in New Orleans. I seriously think that when Colston and Shockey return we could see Brees get the first ever 100-point fantasy individual performance. You know what team gives up more points to quarterbacks than any other team in fantasy? Detroit. You know when Drew Brees and the Saints take on Detroit? Week 16. You know what happens in Week 16? The BiffleBowl. Let's not let Spencer into the BiffleBowl. Because Frank Gore (19) is no slouch either. And Calvin Johnson (12) isn't splitting touches anymore. I fear the FUBAR.
Skinny White Guys 108, Jeff Stryker is not really gay 112.5
Coming into this game at 2-3 and 1-4, this did not look like the type of match-up we have come to expect in the storied history of these two franchises. And yet the final result was undoubtedly the game of the week between two of the league's top scoreers. Going into Sunday night, Bardey's day was over but he held a 16.5-point lead. Andre Johnson (23) had led the way thanks to a huge receiving day (178 yards and a TD) that would have been even bigger had he not fumbled. AJ was able supported by Donovan McNabb (17) and Matt Forte (16). I read a lot of the ESPN and Yahoo fantasy columns and blogs and stuff, and I feel like Matt Forte is not given the sort of love that rookie running backs of the past have gotten, despite the fact that he's putting together a pretty incredible season. He's averaging almost 16 points a game, has only dropped out of double-digits once, and is a threat both in the running and passing games. If he keeps this up, he's going on the cover of next season's Lassard Illustrated fantasy preview issue.
Anyway as I was saying, Forte et al's Sunday afternoon performance had Bardois up by almost seventeen, and considering that Will's only remaining player, Vincent Jackson, had yet to eclipse 10 this season, a victory seemed like a safe bet. And yet "vjax," as Will called him on the smackboard (makes me think of Oprah saying "v-jay-jay," which is gross on many levels even to a lover of women of color), came through with a huge night, putting together 21 fantasy points on 134 yards and a touchdown. Following the big days by Steve Breaston (18), Greg Jennings (16), and Warrick Dunn (14), that was enough to put Jeff Stryker over the top. I should probably acknowledge here that I talked shit about Jackson, Breaston, and Dunn prior to the game, but I think I'd rather not.
Now that we've been through all the games, you can head right over to your roster and start putting those trade proposals together. I'm looking forward to unloading my excess, over-rated players on several of you. Until then, here's something that made me laugh:
Anyways, all this reminded me that our trade deadline usually comes and goes without anything too major happening either, so I thought I'd use my platform here to help things along. I took a look at each team to see what sorts of assets they might have to trade or where they may need strengthening. Hopefully this will prod some of you into realizing that you can actually help each other out, and we will have a healthy transaction wire at last. Without further ado:
(keeper round status will be indicated in parentheses; no number indicates that the player will not be keepable next season)
Juse and the Argonauts: Juse has an embarrasment of riches at WR, with Plax (4) and Brandon Marshall (8) currently in the lineup and Anquan Boldin (3) presumably returning soon, as well resurgent golden-agers Isaac Bruce (9) and Marvin Harrison. He could use some help at RB and potentially upgrade at QB. Worth noting, however, that he does have 3 QBs on his roster - Schaub, Anderson (5), and Delhomme (11) - and a lot of people are hurting for those these days.
Alligator Fuckhouse: Souts' team doesn't have a lot of talent on it to trade away, but Michael Pittman on his bench does strike me as someone who could potentially find a spot as a RB2 or bye week fill-in on another roster. The major trading power that Souts has is Tom Brady (1) in his IR spot, who you could probably acquire the keeper rights to for less-than-Brady talent.
Hernial Growth: Ha! I just saw Bardey's new team name for the first time, and love that it's a joke that only he, Trost and I would get. And I also love that DJ White appears to actually be holding his jaw in the picture. Anyways, Bardey appears to be starting Brad Johnson this week, so I'm assuming one of the players he'll want to trade for is a quarterback. If Bardey has a surplus, it's probably at WR, where he's got the returning Marques Colston (2) as well as the seemingly-back-on-track Andre Johnson (3), plus Santonio Holmes (6). He's also the guy to talk to if you're looking to invest in the future of your RB corps, with two rookies - Matt Forte (5) & Kevin Smith (4) - and 2nd-year man Ryan Grant (1). Grant has sucked so far this year, but he was a monster in the second half of last year, so if you think he can regain that form, now is your "buy low" opportunity.
Pet Monkey: Billy's team actually seems pretty well-balanced to me, with a solid QB, two reasonable RBs, and two strong WRs. If there are trades assets here, it may be in trying to sell off LenDale White (6) and Jerious Norwood (10) as handcuffs to Chris Johnson and Michael Turner owners. Hey, both of those are me!Chip Lohmiller: Dekker just lost Tony Romo (2), and at 3-3 can't really afford to ride out the next month without him, so now might be the time to take advantage if you've got QBs to spare. I would think his biggest bargaining chip in acquiring a QB would be one of the Philly RBs, either trading Buckhalter to someone who needs a quick fix for a few weeks or Westbrook (4) to someone who can afford to sit on him for a bit. By the way, between Romo being down and Philly being on a bye, Ben's starting Jeff Garcia, Mewelde Moore, and Cedric Benson this week. Congrats on your victory, Will!
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon: Like Billy's, this is a team that seems relatively well-balanced, without major surpluses at one position or deficits at another. If you're looking to pick up some injured guys on the cheap that might help you later in the season, though, you could try prying Carson Palmer (3) or Kevin Curtis (10) from him, if you're of the mind that they'll be viable fantasy options once they're healthy. I'm not certain I do.
Egon Spengler: I've mentioned this before, but I've got two viable fantasy quarterbacks in Favre (6) and Campbell (11), three perfectly startable fantasy RBs in Johnson (7), S-Jax (1) and Turner (3), and a sub-par group of receivers. I'm 2-4 here, folks, and way open to offers! None of these guys is untradeable for me! I'd love just one stud wideout!
Sky Vault Centurions: This is the highest-scoring team in the league, so I'm not sure if they'd want to make a trade. They're also pretty well-balanced, with no glaring holes to address. The one trade asset of interest here is Roy Williams (3). So far this year he's been mediocre at best, but depending on what you think the ramifications of his move to the Cowboys - Will he benefit from being opposite TO? Is he being groomed to replace him? - he could have some pretty big upside and be available pretty cheaply from an owner who's been disappointed by him so far this season and doesn't necessarily need to take a chance on keeping him.
Manatee Eaters: This is the second highest-scoring team, and the only undefeated one, so they probably won't want to mess too much with perfection. That said, there are some definite strengths/weaknesses to this club that could be exploited in a trade. First of all, they're super-deep at RB, with Reggie Bush (2), Ronnie Brown (4), Steve Slaton, and even Edgerrin James (3) as good-to-excellent rushers. So far, the ability to shuffle these guys in and out is probably what's kept Chuck undefeated, but as we get past the bye season, he might want to use one as trade bait to strengthen his receivers, which at the moment is headlined by DeSean Jackson (10) and Bernard Berrian (6). If anyone believes that Randy Moss (5) is going to regain his form as the season goes on, he is here to be bought low as well.
Cholish Chachfaces: I still believe this to be maybe the best group of starters in the league this season, but that said, they are basically starter-deep at each position, without a ton of support on the bench that would lead Chalski to feel comfortable trading away one of those starters. If a trade happens here, it'll likely be a same-same trade, where Mark and another owner have similar quality players and both feel better about the other guy. In other words, the kind of trade that never happens.
FUBAR: Probably Spencer's most valuable trade assets before this weekend were excess running backs, but with Felix Jones (6) and Joseph Addai (1) suffering injuries this weekend, he'll probably want to keep both Le'Ron McLain and Derrick Ward around as fill-ins at that RB2 slot complementing Frank Gore (2). If anything, Spence might want to trade away one of his elite players - Gore and Drew Brees (3) - for several mid-level players to deepen his roster a bit and strengthen his receivers a bit.
Jeff Stryker is not really gay: I'm hoping Will didn't just pick up Dominic Rhodes this week to blackmail Spencer, Joe Addai's owner, with him, but if he did that is certainly a potential trade move for him in the short term. If I were Will, I would instead be looking to trade away Adrian Peterson (2), whose health is a ticking time bomb, but I'm sure he won't do that. Those two guys aside, I don't see any major trade bait on this roster, unless Will is a disbeliever in Braylon Edwards' (5) recent resurgence and can find someone who does believe to give up some talent for him. Will has probably already made his biggest trade of the season, acquiring Kurt Warner from Bardey.
So now that I've done all the heavy lifting of scouting out each team for you, let's see some trades! Find somebody who's strong where you're weak, or weak where you're strong, and make an offer. Remember that our keeper rules reward trades, freezing the keeper value of a traded player, and dropping a player a round if he's kept in the same round as one of your original keepers.
Let's take one last look at your rosters as they were in Week 6 before the dramatic round of trades that this set of Notes will undoubtedly provoke:
Juse and the Argonauts 46, Manatee Eaters 104.5
Y'know, drafting a team is like being a surrogate mother. After that brutal night of excruciating labor, you watch your baby go off into another woman's arms, and all you can do is watch from afar as she raises that baby. And you know that that's what you were getting into when you signed on; the ad on Craig's List made the terms perfectly clear. And ultimately you never regret the decision to let the baby go; you'd have never had time to look after it and your own. But deep down you can't help but suspect that maybe you'd do a better job of raising it yourself. It's especially hard when you see your baby fail as miserably as Juse's team did in Week 6. It's not so much that they did poorly, but that they did poorly because of shoddy parenting. Juse left his top 4 scorers on the bench this week, including two quarterback options (Matt Schaub-24 and Derek Anderson-26) that would have vastly outscored the starter (Jake Delhomme-3). It would be hard to fault him for starting his mighty trio of wideouts, Marshall (7), Burress (11) and Bruce (2), but he left Marvin Harrison's 22 on the bench as well. Even if he'd managed to start Harrison and, somehow, both QBs, he would have had a hard time beating Chuck, who continues on unbeaten in BIFL '08. This week's notch in the belt came courtesy of Peyton Manning (24), Bernard Berrian (23), and Ronnie Brown (15). On top of this offensive blietzkrieg, Chuck also got a big defensive week out of linebacker Robert Mathis, who had three sacks, six tackles, a forced fumble, and a fumble recovery. That sort of multi-category stat day gets me all fired up about fantasy basketball.
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon 66, Sky Vault Centurions 92With all this trade talk being bandied about (yes, I realize that "all this trade talk" is just me writing about trades, and that probably doesn't qualify as bandying), I kind of wonder if Andre would just be willing to trade teams with me. I think I'm falling in love with the Sky Vault Centurions roster. My infatuation (and presumably Dre's) begins with Clinton Portis (27), who continued to dominate this week. I have loved CP for years of course, and if you don't watch the Skins regularly you might not realize just what an awesome football player he is, blocking the fuck out of blitzing linebackers and safeties on passing plays and following his own blockers so loyally that he often just grabs onto the backs of their jerseys as he rumbles down the field. But this season his fantasy value is finally catching up to his real value to Washington, and it's a beautiful thing to see. In addition to Portis, Andre's got the manimal Brandon Jacobs (12), who I can't help but enjoy watching mow down tacklers even though he plays for the hated Giants. Larry Fitzgerald (13) is another stud who always seems to come up big and Jay Cutler (13) is the future of fantasy quarterbacking. Throw in this week's benchwarmers smiley-guy Hines Ward and Justin Fargas (I have an inexplicable fondness for shouting out "Fargas!") and you've got a team I could totally get behind. So whaddya say, Dre? I'll let you keep your record, and we'll just swap squads. Come on.
Oh goodness I've gone on and on about Andre's team and left little time to mention Dick's. Fortunately, they didn't do shit this week, so there isn't much to say. Steve Smith (13) was this week's high scorer; I'm pretty sure he's a guy I'll never have on my fantasy team.
Egon Spengler 72.5, Chip Lohmiller 118
Ugh. Last week I complained that my team had suffered an unlucky loss and that we did not deserve to have the same record as heinous franchises like Alligator Fuckhouse and the Skinny White Guys. After performances like this week's, I can no longer complain. We were awful this week, and while 73 points might not look as bad as some of those 50- and 60-point outputs we've seen from the suckier of the BIFL teams this year, my score is really skewed by an incredible 18-point day by my kicker Jason Elam. Oh by the way I immediately cut Elam because he has a bye week. Being a fantasy kicker is even more cutthroat than being a real kicker. Anyways, besides my kicker not a single Spengler reached double-digits. There's not much more to say about it. Lohmiller had a very strong week, including two ginormous performances from Tony Romo (32) and Maurice Jones-Drew (30). MJD must be a frustrating guy to own, as he seems to generally disappoint, but then throw up a great outing every few weeks, forcing you to keep him in your lineup. I was gonna follow that up with a comment about how frustrating it must also be to have a huge pussy in your lineup who sits out when he hurts his itty witty pinkie, but I just read an updated report that Romo may actually try to play through the injury. I do not plan on going back through this entry so far and changing every other reference I've made to Romo being out.
Pet Monkey 85.5, Cholish Chachfaces 124.5
Despite a bad case of bye-litis (LJ, Fast Willie, LenDale, and Big Ben all out), Hollywood's squad actually had a decent week thanks to strong showings from Aaron Rodgers (24) and Roddy White (19). And actually 86 points is incredibly decent when you consider that his starting running backs were Jerious Norwood and TJ Duckett, who combined for 1 point. At least Billy can rest assured that he played his best line-up this week, considering that there wasn't a single point on his bench. Chalski also had his optimum starting roster, and they were optimum enough to be the top scorers in all of BIFL this week. As is usually the case with the top Lassard-ranked squad, they were led by Philip Rivers (28) and Marion Barber (26). I was pretty hammered by the time the 4 o clock games rolled around, and actually played beer pong through most of the 1st quarter, so I'm not sure exactly how the game went, but I do know that the Cowboys lost. So how the fuck did Tony Romo get 32 fantasy points and Barber get 26? Did the Cardinals score a thousand points? I mean, Tim Hightower is on the Chachfaces and he only got 4, so what happened? It's really a conundrum for me: if I stay home, I only get to watch 2-3 games, and don't really see around-the-league action. If I go out, I focus on the Redskins, get plastered watching them, and then black out for all the other games. Is there another way?
It's just a matter of time.FUBAR 93.5
Like my Uberleague squad, Spencer was able to overcome the -2 point performance by previously reliable Le'Ron McLain this week and gain victory, despite the fact that we had all assumed McLain was going to run all day on the lousy Colts rushing defense. I overcame that on the shoulders of man-crush Clinton Portis, and Spence did it thanks to Drew Brees (26), who has gone batshit crazy with fantasy scoring down in New Orleans. I seriously think that when Colston and Shockey return we could see Brees get the first ever 100-point fantasy individual performance. You know what team gives up more points to quarterbacks than any other team in fantasy? Detroit. You know when Drew Brees and the Saints take on Detroit? Week 16. You know what happens in Week 16? The BiffleBowl. Let's not let Spencer into the BiffleBowl. Because Frank Gore (19) is no slouch either. And Calvin Johnson (12) isn't splitting touches anymore. I fear the FUBAR.
Skinny White Guys 108, Jeff Stryker is not really gay 112.5
Coming into this game at 2-3 and 1-4, this did not look like the type of match-up we have come to expect in the storied history of these two franchises. And yet the final result was undoubtedly the game of the week between two of the league's top scoreers. Going into Sunday night, Bardey's day was over but he held a 16.5-point lead. Andre Johnson (23) had led the way thanks to a huge receiving day (178 yards and a TD) that would have been even bigger had he not fumbled. AJ was able supported by Donovan McNabb (17) and Matt Forte (16). I read a lot of the ESPN and Yahoo fantasy columns and blogs and stuff, and I feel like Matt Forte is not given the sort of love that rookie running backs of the past have gotten, despite the fact that he's putting together a pretty incredible season. He's averaging almost 16 points a game, has only dropped out of double-digits once, and is a threat both in the running and passing games. If he keeps this up, he's going on the cover of next season's Lassard Illustrated fantasy preview issue.
Anyway as I was saying, Forte et al's Sunday afternoon performance had Bardois up by almost seventeen, and considering that Will's only remaining player, Vincent Jackson, had yet to eclipse 10 this season, a victory seemed like a safe bet. And yet "vjax," as Will called him on the smackboard (makes me think of Oprah saying "v-jay-jay," which is gross on many levels even to a lover of women of color), came through with a huge night, putting together 21 fantasy points on 134 yards and a touchdown. Following the big days by Steve Breaston (18), Greg Jennings (16), and Warrick Dunn (14), that was enough to put Jeff Stryker over the top. I should probably acknowledge here that I talked shit about Jackson, Breaston, and Dunn prior to the game, but I think I'd rather not.
Now that we've been through all the games, you can head right over to your roster and start putting those trade proposals together. I'm looking forward to unloading my excess, over-rated players on several of you. Until then, here's something that made me laugh:
The funny thing is, I had just seen John Oates and Fred Armisen (who plays Oates in that clip) perform live at a weird comedy thing in Brooklyn. Only in the BK.
10.14.2008
NBD - Week 6 Review
In case anyone didn't continue checking in on the comments section after making their own last week, I wanted to update everybody on the issues I brought up in last week's post.
For this year:
1) Defensive and Special Teams scoring will remain as is for the rest of the season, meaning that your defenses will only be earning defensive points, and kickoff/punt touchdowns or fumbles will be credited to the individuals that achieve them.
2) The waiver wire is apparently working fine. I will continue to get whatever awful players I want every week.
For next year:
1) The idea of a waiver wire auction system has been roundly rejected and shall never be spoken of again.
2) The most universally-supported system of selecting draft order next year appears to be the lottery system, where the draft order will be drawn out of a hat where the lower-placed teams have more names in the hat (12 names for last place, 11 names for 2nd-to-last, etc). I have literally no statistics education, so if there is a better distribution pattern I should be following and you're aware of it, let us know. If you're ear the bottom and thinking of tanking (good luck getting by me!) keep in mind that teams that tank in the NBA have traditionally been karmically screwed and the team with the best odds in the lottery almost never wins it. I very much like DeYoung's suggestion that the lottery order will allow you to pick your spot in the draft, rather than locking you into a certain position. However I should note that when we did something similar in another league a few years back, pretty much everyone ended up taking the spot they were in anyway.
OK enough rules discussion, let's look at the games:
Stadler & Waldorf 82.54, Lassard Blows Harris 87.90
[sigh]
[enormous, breathy sigh, laden with the weight and sorrow of a man who's spirit, already near its very nadir, was briefly supported by a gentle breeze from below, only to be thrown down once again with brutal and indifferent force by the hand of fate, to be wracked upon the ruins at the very depths of despair]
I really thought I had it this week. First of all, let me say this: Stadler & Waldorf did a lot of things right in Week 6. Mid-week waiver wire pick-up Matt Ryan (16) had the best fantasy week of his young and promising fantasy career. My wide receiver strategy of playing both Texans receivers against the lousy Miami secondary paid off to the tune of 32 points (22 for Andre Johnson, finally looking legit the last 2 weeks, and 10 for Kevin Walter). And Matt Forte (17) continued to be the MVP of this squad - although admittedly that's like being the prettiest pig at the fair - and our main source of hope for the future. Going into Monday night's game, I had Brandon Jacobs and the Giants' Defense going against Kevin Boss, needing to outscore him by 15 points. Considering Jacobs' 14 ppg average, the Giants D's 7.8 ppg average, and Boss' 4.6 ppg average, this hardly seemed like a lot to ask. Jacobs (13) basically held up his end of the bargain, and likely would have had a few more points if the Giants had been able to run it out late, as you would have expected with them taking on the previously lame Browns. But the Giants Defense got completely stomped, ending up with -1 points. To them, and to Le'Ron McLain (-2), I say: fuck you, you motherfucking ass warts.
To Papkin, I say: I give up, dude. You win. As long as I continue to hate on you in these write-ups, as long as I continue to point out the fallacies of logic and incoherence of your e-mails, as long as I continue to argue with you over the slightest details and mundanities of this game, our mutual shared obsession, I seem fated to go nowhere. And so, I throw in the towel. Congratulations on your win. Strong performances by Donovan McNabb (19), Vincent Jackson (19), Ronnie Brown (15), and Joe Nedney (15). Best of luck in the weeks to come.
CH Croakies 77.22, Wyld Stallyns 87.22
I mentioned earlier that Andre Johnson, a top pre-season receiver pick, had been a huge disappointment this season up until last week. Apparently, he must have trained in the off-season with Braylon Edwards, DeYoung's top point-scorer this week (23). Edwards' performance on Monday night netted him considerably more fantasy points than he had picked up in his first four games combined, and he certainly looked like the Braylon of last year, breaking off big plays and several times forcing Aaron Ross to bite so hard on a move that he simply fell over. The only other outstanding showing this week for the Stallyns came from Aaron Rodgers, who is either not really bothered by his shoulder problems or is just so damned determined to prove he is a worthy successor to toughguy Favre that he's willing to play until his arm falls off.
Elliott got some decent weeks out of Jamal Lewis (15), Larry Fitzgerald (14), and Nate Kaeding (12), but when Adrian Peterson, on whom E relies for a significant portion of his scoring, scores less than 7 points, three decent showings by the other guys is rarely going to produce a victory.
Chestpubes & Ballfro 75.34, Hamster Now Guinea Pig 83.88
Can we go ahead and call Clinton Portis the best player in fantasy right now? Even on a Sunday when the Skins suffered a truly horrendous loss (and I really don't want to get into it but I probably won't be able to avoid it writing 2 league reviews and 2 league previews this week), he contributed a monster game with 26 fantasy points, 2nd-most by any player. Not only does he lead all RBs in total scoring this season, but he has done it consistently, without any real clunkers like Reggie Bush and Michael Turner have. His points were desperately needed, too, as two of Haller's other starters, Bobby Engram and Joseph Addai, combined for 0.3 points. The other big step-ups for the Hamster crew this week were Marcedes Lewis (12) and Jay Cutler (14). Ballfro had some big days as well, getting 17 points from Roddy White and 23 from Tony Romo. But that was hardly enough to overcome mediocre-to-poor performances from the rest of the team, and with Romo down for the next month Colly will find himself in search of a new quarterback this week. This is probably why you keep some decent reserves on the bench, rather than extra kickers and defenses.
The Leadfarmers 67.46, Tri Steeg Area 113.04
Wow. This was a blowout.
In my preview of this game, I noted that the Manning brothers (Peyton and Eli, not Kevin) would be squaring off in this game, and that Eli would clearly have the better fantasy day. Well, I was wrong on two counts, as Derek started Brett Favre (7) rather than Eli (10), and Peyton (23) had a far better day than either one, decimating what had been a rather vicious Ravens defense. Peyton's big outing was just the beginning of a big day for the Tri Steeg, with the Tampa Bay Defense (21), Bernard Berrian (19), and Reggie Bush (18) all coming up huge. And even with nearly the top score in the league this week, Kex's crew actually could have been even better, having left Michael Pittman's 13 points on the bench.
The Leadfarmers, on the other hand, are on the shneid with three straight losses and their second straight week below 70 points. Are Brett Favre's early-season heroics over? Has Chris Perry completely outlived his usefulness? Was Randy Moss' big week last week a return to form or a one-week aberration? What will the changes in Dallas mean to Marion Barber's production? These are the questions that must keep Derek awake at night. And if not, at least they give me something to write about.
Burke City Giants 73.68, Mephistopheles 78.80
Last year, the DadBowl was decided by barely more than a point, setting the stage for a spirited rivalry for years to come. This year's contest wasn't quite as close, but it was still a good match-up that evened the series. There were a lot of very middling performances for both of these squads this week, even from previously proven studs like Michael Turner and Steve Slaton for Burke City (5 & 6, respectively) and Laveranues Coles and Cedric Benson (6 & 0, respectively). OK, Cedric Benson is not a "previously proven stud," he actually sucks, but I like to point out that my Dad thought he was going to be solid this week. Anyways, the one big standout performance this week came, once again, from Mephisto's Drew Brees (26), who is arguably competition for Portis as fantasy player of the year so far. Like Portis, Brees has not only been outstanding, he's been consistently outstanding, with only one week below 17(!) points back in week 2 when he played the Redskins. And all this with various injuries to some of his top receivers, Marques Colston, Jeremy Shockey, and David Patten. With some of those guys coming back in the next couple weeks, it'll be interesting to see if Brees can go even bigger. If he does, and if Greg Jennings (14) can continue to play well, Ray's Devils may be as big a post-season factor as the Devil Rays.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs 103.14, Woody's Warriors 113.54
Having started Matt Ryan this week and owning Michael Turner and Roddy White in other leagues, I am ready to declare solidarity with Koehler as an (admittedly bandwagon) Atlanta Falcons fan this year. I am hoping he can teach me the Dirty Bird the next time I see him. So it makes me sad to see that MRLD put up a pretty excellent performance this week and yet still couldn't pull out a victory. The biggest suprise for Koehler had to be Thomas Jones (26), whose three touchdowns gave him what was likely his biggest fantasy performance ever. Frank Gore (18) was solid in the run game as well, and defense and special teams chipped in with 32 combined points out of the Philadelphia Defense and kicker Jason Elam. But that was not enough to top the even bigger running back day by Woody's Warriors. Maurice Jones-Drew and Correll Buckhalter provided a combined 52 points this week, and together with David Akers (16), Kyle Orton (15), and Calvin Johnson (13) - who was actually questionable heading into the game - they were the top-scoring Week 6 team. I actually predicted that this game would be a high-scoring contest, and foresaw a double-digit margin of victory, but I certainly didn't expect for the victors to be led by names like Buckhalter, Orton, and Akers. Well done, Woody.
So that does it for Week 6. I'd like to note that, for the second straight season, we seem to have achieved a pretty high level of parity here in Native Burke Dwellers. At nearly the half-way point of the season, 8 teams (2/3 of the league) are at 3-3, with only Manning and myself looking significantly better/worse than the rest of the league in terms of scoring (I'll let you figure out who's who). In the next few weeks I'll look back to the pre-season to reflect on my post-draft comments (I'm guessing there's a lot of stupidity to be reviewed there) and update my power rankings.
Oh also, The Pick-Up Artist is back for another season on VH1. I highly recommend it.
And if you were interested in that super-slo-mo show I mentioned last week on DiscoveryHD, it turns out it's on Wednesday nights, not Thursdays. It's called Time Warp, and it looks awesome.
For this year:
1) Defensive and Special Teams scoring will remain as is for the rest of the season, meaning that your defenses will only be earning defensive points, and kickoff/punt touchdowns or fumbles will be credited to the individuals that achieve them.
2) The waiver wire is apparently working fine. I will continue to get whatever awful players I want every week.
For next year:
1) The idea of a waiver wire auction system has been roundly rejected and shall never be spoken of again.
2) The most universally-supported system of selecting draft order next year appears to be the lottery system, where the draft order will be drawn out of a hat where the lower-placed teams have more names in the hat (12 names for last place, 11 names for 2nd-to-last, etc). I have literally no statistics education, so if there is a better distribution pattern I should be following and you're aware of it, let us know. If you're ear the bottom and thinking of tanking (good luck getting by me!) keep in mind that teams that tank in the NBA have traditionally been karmically screwed and the team with the best odds in the lottery almost never wins it. I very much like DeYoung's suggestion that the lottery order will allow you to pick your spot in the draft, rather than locking you into a certain position. However I should note that when we did something similar in another league a few years back, pretty much everyone ended up taking the spot they were in anyway.
OK enough rules discussion, let's look at the games:
Stadler & Waldorf 82.54, Lassard Blows Harris 87.90
[sigh]
[enormous, breathy sigh, laden with the weight and sorrow of a man who's spirit, already near its very nadir, was briefly supported by a gentle breeze from below, only to be thrown down once again with brutal and indifferent force by the hand of fate, to be wracked upon the ruins at the very depths of despair]
I really thought I had it this week. First of all, let me say this: Stadler & Waldorf did a lot of things right in Week 6. Mid-week waiver wire pick-up Matt Ryan (16) had the best fantasy week of his young and promising fantasy career. My wide receiver strategy of playing both Texans receivers against the lousy Miami secondary paid off to the tune of 32 points (22 for Andre Johnson, finally looking legit the last 2 weeks, and 10 for Kevin Walter). And Matt Forte (17) continued to be the MVP of this squad - although admittedly that's like being the prettiest pig at the fair - and our main source of hope for the future. Going into Monday night's game, I had Brandon Jacobs and the Giants' Defense going against Kevin Boss, needing to outscore him by 15 points. Considering Jacobs' 14 ppg average, the Giants D's 7.8 ppg average, and Boss' 4.6 ppg average, this hardly seemed like a lot to ask. Jacobs (13) basically held up his end of the bargain, and likely would have had a few more points if the Giants had been able to run it out late, as you would have expected with them taking on the previously lame Browns. But the Giants Defense got completely stomped, ending up with -1 points. To them, and to Le'Ron McLain (-2), I say: fuck you, you motherfucking ass warts.
To Papkin, I say: I give up, dude. You win. As long as I continue to hate on you in these write-ups, as long as I continue to point out the fallacies of logic and incoherence of your e-mails, as long as I continue to argue with you over the slightest details and mundanities of this game, our mutual shared obsession, I seem fated to go nowhere. And so, I throw in the towel. Congratulations on your win. Strong performances by Donovan McNabb (19), Vincent Jackson (19), Ronnie Brown (15), and Joe Nedney (15). Best of luck in the weeks to come.
CH Croakies 77.22, Wyld Stallyns 87.22I mentioned earlier that Andre Johnson, a top pre-season receiver pick, had been a huge disappointment this season up until last week. Apparently, he must have trained in the off-season with Braylon Edwards, DeYoung's top point-scorer this week (23). Edwards' performance on Monday night netted him considerably more fantasy points than he had picked up in his first four games combined, and he certainly looked like the Braylon of last year, breaking off big plays and several times forcing Aaron Ross to bite so hard on a move that he simply fell over. The only other outstanding showing this week for the Stallyns came from Aaron Rodgers, who is either not really bothered by his shoulder problems or is just so damned determined to prove he is a worthy successor to toughguy Favre that he's willing to play until his arm falls off.
Elliott got some decent weeks out of Jamal Lewis (15), Larry Fitzgerald (14), and Nate Kaeding (12), but when Adrian Peterson, on whom E relies for a significant portion of his scoring, scores less than 7 points, three decent showings by the other guys is rarely going to produce a victory.
Chestpubes & Ballfro 75.34, Hamster Now Guinea Pig 83.88
Can we go ahead and call Clinton Portis the best player in fantasy right now? Even on a Sunday when the Skins suffered a truly horrendous loss (and I really don't want to get into it but I probably won't be able to avoid it writing 2 league reviews and 2 league previews this week), he contributed a monster game with 26 fantasy points, 2nd-most by any player. Not only does he lead all RBs in total scoring this season, but he has done it consistently, without any real clunkers like Reggie Bush and Michael Turner have. His points were desperately needed, too, as two of Haller's other starters, Bobby Engram and Joseph Addai, combined for 0.3 points. The other big step-ups for the Hamster crew this week were Marcedes Lewis (12) and Jay Cutler (14). Ballfro had some big days as well, getting 17 points from Roddy White and 23 from Tony Romo. But that was hardly enough to overcome mediocre-to-poor performances from the rest of the team, and with Romo down for the next month Colly will find himself in search of a new quarterback this week. This is probably why you keep some decent reserves on the bench, rather than extra kickers and defenses.
The Leadfarmers 67.46, Tri Steeg Area 113.04
Wow. This was a blowout.
In my preview of this game, I noted that the Manning brothers (Peyton and Eli, not Kevin) would be squaring off in this game, and that Eli would clearly have the better fantasy day. Well, I was wrong on two counts, as Derek started Brett Favre (7) rather than Eli (10), and Peyton (23) had a far better day than either one, decimating what had been a rather vicious Ravens defense. Peyton's big outing was just the beginning of a big day for the Tri Steeg, with the Tampa Bay Defense (21), Bernard Berrian (19), and Reggie Bush (18) all coming up huge. And even with nearly the top score in the league this week, Kex's crew actually could have been even better, having left Michael Pittman's 13 points on the bench.
The Leadfarmers, on the other hand, are on the shneid with three straight losses and their second straight week below 70 points. Are Brett Favre's early-season heroics over? Has Chris Perry completely outlived his usefulness? Was Randy Moss' big week last week a return to form or a one-week aberration? What will the changes in Dallas mean to Marion Barber's production? These are the questions that must keep Derek awake at night. And if not, at least they give me something to write about.
Burke City Giants 73.68, Mephistopheles 78.80
Last year, the DadBowl was decided by barely more than a point, setting the stage for a spirited rivalry for years to come. This year's contest wasn't quite as close, but it was still a good match-up that evened the series. There were a lot of very middling performances for both of these squads this week, even from previously proven studs like Michael Turner and Steve Slaton for Burke City (5 & 6, respectively) and Laveranues Coles and Cedric Benson (6 & 0, respectively). OK, Cedric Benson is not a "previously proven stud," he actually sucks, but I like to point out that my Dad thought he was going to be solid this week. Anyways, the one big standout performance this week came, once again, from Mephisto's Drew Brees (26), who is arguably competition for Portis as fantasy player of the year so far. Like Portis, Brees has not only been outstanding, he's been consistently outstanding, with only one week below 17(!) points back in week 2 when he played the Redskins. And all this with various injuries to some of his top receivers, Marques Colston, Jeremy Shockey, and David Patten. With some of those guys coming back in the next couple weeks, it'll be interesting to see if Brees can go even bigger. If he does, and if Greg Jennings (14) can continue to play well, Ray's Devils may be as big a post-season factor as the Devil Rays.
Matt Ryan Loves Dogs 103.14, Woody's Warriors 113.54
Having started Matt Ryan this week and owning Michael Turner and Roddy White in other leagues, I am ready to declare solidarity with Koehler as an (admittedly bandwagon) Atlanta Falcons fan this year. I am hoping he can teach me the Dirty Bird the next time I see him. So it makes me sad to see that MRLD put up a pretty excellent performance this week and yet still couldn't pull out a victory. The biggest suprise for Koehler had to be Thomas Jones (26), whose three touchdowns gave him what was likely his biggest fantasy performance ever. Frank Gore (18) was solid in the run game as well, and defense and special teams chipped in with 32 combined points out of the Philadelphia Defense and kicker Jason Elam. But that was not enough to top the even bigger running back day by Woody's Warriors. Maurice Jones-Drew and Correll Buckhalter provided a combined 52 points this week, and together with David Akers (16), Kyle Orton (15), and Calvin Johnson (13) - who was actually questionable heading into the game - they were the top-scoring Week 6 team. I actually predicted that this game would be a high-scoring contest, and foresaw a double-digit margin of victory, but I certainly didn't expect for the victors to be led by names like Buckhalter, Orton, and Akers. Well done, Woody.
So that does it for Week 6. I'd like to note that, for the second straight season, we seem to have achieved a pretty high level of parity here in Native Burke Dwellers. At nearly the half-way point of the season, 8 teams (2/3 of the league) are at 3-3, with only Manning and myself looking significantly better/worse than the rest of the league in terms of scoring (I'll let you figure out who's who). In the next few weeks I'll look back to the pre-season to reflect on my post-draft comments (I'm guessing there's a lot of stupidity to be reviewed there) and update my power rankings.Oh also, The Pick-Up Artist is back for another season on VH1. I highly recommend it.
And if you were interested in that super-slo-mo show I mentioned last week on DiscoveryHD, it turns out it's on Wednesday nights, not Thursdays. It's called Time Warp, and it looks awesome.
10.12.2008
BIFL - Week 6 Preview
I woke up this morning nearly on top of my laptop. Normally when that happens, it's because I've gotten overly excited about internet porn and attempted to hump my computer, but I believe the cause last night was that I had the brilliant idea to try to write a blog post and make my predictions while I was hideously drunk. Fortunately, it takes my computer a couple minutes to start up and connect to our wireless, and I think those few minutes were enough for me to pass out. Anyways, here are my non-drunk, slightly hungover predictions for Week 6.
Oh also, I'm heading back out to bars to watch today's games, and I'm leaving before noon, so Will: please check and see if Roddy White is gonna play for my Uberleague team today, and if not, check on Anthony Gonzalez's status. If neither is gonna start, please add Antwaan Randle El to my roster and start him. You can drop Laurence Maroney. He's a fucker.
Juse & the Argonauts (1-4) vs. Manatee Eaters (5-0)
At 1-4, Juse's team would seem to be much, much worse than the undefeated Eaters, but looking at the rosters, the difference doesn't seem quite that stark to me. Juse's Willis McGahee is pretty worthless, what with all his injuries and Le'Ron Mc'Cla'in around, but if he's ever gonna have a big week, it'll be this one against the Colts. And Chuck's Peyton Manning is pretty solid, but will probably struggle against the solid D of the Baltimore. Juse still has that nasty wide receiver group, and Chuck is starting Bernard Berrian. You know what? Let's give it to the underdog.
Arghhhonauts by 5
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-2) vs. Sky Vault Centurions (3-2)
Clinton Portis and Brandon Jacobs going against the Rams and Browns, respectively, looks pretty damn unstoppable to me. A probably LDT and a questionable Laveranues Coles seem relatively more stoppable. As far as stopability goes, I have to give the edge to Andre.
Centurions by 8
Egon Spengler (2-3) vs. Chip Lohmiller (2-3)
One of these teams is gonna come out of this contest 2-4, and that doesn't seem right. These are decent teams. Unfortunately I think it's gonna be me. Here's who I'm afraid of this week: Tony Romo against Arizona (6th in points given up to QBs), MJD against Denver (3rd in points given up to RBs), TO against Arizona, and Shaun Suisham against St. Louis (3rd in points given up to kickers). That's right, I'm afraid of a kicker, but that's probably appropriate when you're about to lose to Chip Lohmiller.
Lohmiller by 9
Pet Monkey (3-2) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (3-2)
Billy has four potential starters on Byes this week (Larry Johnson, Ben Roethlisberger, LenDale White, Willie Parker) and as of this posting he's starting a receiver who's definitely out (Reggie Brown) and another who's questionable (Roddy White). I feel like I don't even need to look at Mark's roster to confidently pick him as the winner. So I won't.
Chach by 6
I'm watching SportsCenter right now and Hannah Storm is doing her weekly segment with Emmitt Smith. Emmitt just picked Clinton Portis as his RB-to-watch this week... and then promptly forgot what team he played for. This guy is a fucking moron. How does he still have a job?
FUBAR (3-2) vs. Alligator Fuckhouse (2-3)
Soutendijk's team is awful. And if he goes to Landsdowne today instead of Off the Wagon, I'm pretty sure I'm officially de-friending him. Congrats, Spence. You are the beneficiary of my personal dislike for Steve.
FUBAR by 12
Skinny White Guys (2-3) vs. Jeff Stryker is not really gay (1-4)
Will wonders aloud on the smackboard why these two teams suck this year. My guess is that it has something to do with starting guys like Warrick Dunn, Steve Breaston, and Vincent Jackson. For Bardey, it probably has to do with how big of a disappointment Ryan Grant has been. Despite their mutual suckiness, I must pick a winner. I predict that this is the week that Adrian Peterson blows up for like 40 points, and next week is the week he actually blows up, leaving little specks of purple, yellow and black all over Soldier Field.
Jeff Stryker by 4
Last week: 4-2
Overal: 20-10
Drool on this:
But look at what can happen to it:
Good luck to all in Week 6, except for Dekker, who I hope gets a hernial growth in his jaw.
Oh also, I'm heading back out to bars to watch today's games, and I'm leaving before noon, so Will: please check and see if Roddy White is gonna play for my Uberleague team today, and if not, check on Anthony Gonzalez's status. If neither is gonna start, please add Antwaan Randle El to my roster and start him. You can drop Laurence Maroney. He's a fucker.
Juse & the Argonauts (1-4) vs. Manatee Eaters (5-0)
At 1-4, Juse's team would seem to be much, much worse than the undefeated Eaters, but looking at the rosters, the difference doesn't seem quite that stark to me. Juse's Willis McGahee is pretty worthless, what with all his injuries and Le'Ron Mc'Cla'in around, but if he's ever gonna have a big week, it'll be this one against the Colts. And Chuck's Peyton Manning is pretty solid, but will probably struggle against the solid D of the Baltimore. Juse still has that nasty wide receiver group, and Chuck is starting Bernard Berrian. You know what? Let's give it to the underdog.
Arghhhonauts by 5
Iron Chef of Pounding Poon (3-2) vs. Sky Vault Centurions (3-2)
Clinton Portis and Brandon Jacobs going against the Rams and Browns, respectively, looks pretty damn unstoppable to me. A probably LDT and a questionable Laveranues Coles seem relatively more stoppable. As far as stopability goes, I have to give the edge to Andre.
Centurions by 8
Egon Spengler (2-3) vs. Chip Lohmiller (2-3)
One of these teams is gonna come out of this contest 2-4, and that doesn't seem right. These are decent teams. Unfortunately I think it's gonna be me. Here's who I'm afraid of this week: Tony Romo against Arizona (6th in points given up to QBs), MJD against Denver (3rd in points given up to RBs), TO against Arizona, and Shaun Suisham against St. Louis (3rd in points given up to kickers). That's right, I'm afraid of a kicker, but that's probably appropriate when you're about to lose to Chip Lohmiller.
Lohmiller by 9
Pet Monkey (3-2) vs. Cholish Chachfaces (3-2)
Billy has four potential starters on Byes this week (Larry Johnson, Ben Roethlisberger, LenDale White, Willie Parker) and as of this posting he's starting a receiver who's definitely out (Reggie Brown) and another who's questionable (Roddy White). I feel like I don't even need to look at Mark's roster to confidently pick him as the winner. So I won't.
Chach by 6
I'm watching SportsCenter right now and Hannah Storm is doing her weekly segment with Emmitt Smith. Emmitt just picked Clinton Portis as his RB-to-watch this week... and then promptly forgot what team he played for. This guy is a fucking moron. How does he still have a job?
FUBAR (3-2) vs. Alligator Fuckhouse (2-3)
Soutendijk's team is awful. And if he goes to Landsdowne today instead of Off the Wagon, I'm pretty sure I'm officially de-friending him. Congrats, Spence. You are the beneficiary of my personal dislike for Steve.
FUBAR by 12
Skinny White Guys (2-3) vs. Jeff Stryker is not really gay (1-4)
Will wonders aloud on the smackboard why these two teams suck this year. My guess is that it has something to do with starting guys like Warrick Dunn, Steve Breaston, and Vincent Jackson. For Bardey, it probably has to do with how big of a disappointment Ryan Grant has been. Despite their mutual suckiness, I must pick a winner. I predict that this is the week that Adrian Peterson blows up for like 40 points, and next week is the week he actually blows up, leaving little specks of purple, yellow and black all over Soldier Field.
Jeff Stryker by 4
Last week: 4-2
Overal: 20-10
Drool on this:
But look at what can happen to it:
Good luck to all in Week 6, except for Dekker, who I hope gets a hernial growth in his jaw.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
