NBD - Week 9 Review & Week 10 Preview

It's been a roller-coaster of a week in the Life of Lassard: Returning from Chapel Hill last weekend I headed into the Monday night Skins game in high spirits, only to see them sputter terribly against the Steelers. Tuesday was, of course, the big election, putting me back in a positive state of mind, but I passed out even before the acceptance speech and woke up feeling sick as a dog on Wednesday. On Thursday I returned to work and spent the night playing poker, eating delicious food, and receiving massages from the hired help, which meant a bit of a hangover on Friday, which was exacerbated by a rough day from the kids. Unable to take out my aggressions on the children themselves, I was looking to blow off some steam playing soccer last night, but instead was the recipient of a rifle-shot to the head that exploded my glasses and bloodied and bruised my right eye. A few band-aids, beers, and percocets later, I was off to a blissful eleven hours of sleep. All of which is a long way of saying that it's Saturday afternoon and I still haven't written a review of last week's games, much less a preview of this week's. So without further ado, here's your Week 9 Review:

Stadler & Waldorf 101.60, Woody's Warriors 79.82
So not only did I dominate the Research Triangle in my superhot Lieutenant Dangle costume last weekend, but my fantasy team dominated the NBD. I had wisely predicted a rare victory for my boys, but even I could not have foreseen being Week 9's highest scorer. And I did it without the benefit of any single huge-day performance; instead, S & W featured a balanced attack in all aspects of the game, running (Brandon Jacobs' 18), passing (Matt Ryan's 15), receiving (Andre Johnson's 12) and defense (the Giants' 16). On the surface, it may have looked as though Woody and his Warriors would have stuck with me, considering that he, too, had five players in double figures. But fellow Wahoo Heath Miller helped me out by leaving the game with an injury and without a point, and Fred Taylor played but was almost equally ineffective. My fears of Brian Westbrook also proved to be relatively unfounded, as he had a pedestrian 10-point Sunday.

CH Croakies 82.14, Matt Ryan Loves Dogs 94.58
I heard Kurt Warner's name mentioned the other day in consideration for the MVP award. 9 weeks ago that would have seemed ridiculous to me, and probably did to Koehler, too, who selected him in the 15th round and probably expected him to be a one-week play filling in for Tom Brady. But with Brady out, Warner has certainly been the replacement of the year if not the MVP. He proved that again this week by leading MRLD with 21 points. Another surprise is that he was closely followed by his teammate, running back Tim Hightower (18), who may be developing into a second-half powerhouse a la last year's Ryan Grant now that he's taken the starting job from Edgerrin James. In another league I'm in, I traded Hightower away for Anthony Gonzalez. Good job, me. But back to this game: Elliott got some good games out of Adrian Peterson and Derrick Mason (20 each), but not much else of note. Especially disappointing for both personal and fantasy reasons must have been the 7-point performance by Jason Campbell, who was intercepted for the first time this season.

Chestpubes & Ballfro 93.64, Burke City Giants 66.06
I almost bought a bootleg copy of "Stepbrothers" on the subway last Sunday, but before I could look through the stack the "saleslady" got into a customer service dispute. The crazy, loud guy on the train (each car is assigned one) had purchased Max Payne the week before, but apparently the video had cut off "after he drinks the blue stuff." The bootleg lady explained in her broken English that she was sorry, and that if he brought her the DVD the next time they rode together that she would happily exchange it for another. I never imagined that the crazy train guy could make a cogent argument for the return of his bootleg, or that the Asian bootlegger would respond so receptively to his complaint, but it seemed like they legitimately worked it out. This is why I love New York.
In actual fantasy news, Chestpubes & Ballfro (who get their name from "Stepbrothers," in case the connection there wasn't apparent) rode Chris Johnson to victory yet again this week, and if Warner is a legitimate MVP candidate, Johnson (22) would seem a virtual shoo-in for Rookie of the Year. C&B was also helped by 20 points each from Donald Driver and the Steelers Defense, whose combined efforts almost makes one forget that Colly started Jamarcus Russell (3) this week. The Burke City Giants quarterback, Matt Schaub, actually did even worse, but that might be due to the torn MCL he suffered. With Schaub and Miller injured, can Thomas Jones, Chris Long, and Chris Canty be far behind?

The Dutch Rudders 55.88, Lassard Blows Harris 90.36
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Last season's regular champ, Derek Haller, was ranked third in my Power Rankings a little over a month ago and had started the season 3-0. Now, heading into week 10, they are still sitting on those three wins, having suffered six straight losses. In that stretch, he has had only two games over 68 points, proving that the streak is not simply a matter of bad luck. So what's gone wrong for the former-Leadfarmers? Well, Marion Barber (4)has been boom-or-bust, with a couple big games but no consistency. Plaxico Burress' (3) antics have apparently not only rubbed Coach Tom Coughlin the wrong way, but he seems to have been taken out of the game plan to some extent and ignored by Eli Manning (13), who has been solid but unspectacular himself. Whatever the cause, they stood little chance against Papkin's squad this week. Donovan McNabb led the way with 22 points, and was ably supported by Ronnie Brown (15) and Anquan Boldin (15), who's been going gangbusters since returning from that vicious headshot that kept him out for a month. He is an inspiration to other sufferers of head trauma, such as myself and Gary Busey.

$5 Foot Long 66.98, Wyld Stallyns 71.76
While Derek has been sliding towards the bottom of the standings, DeYoung has been climbing to the top, winning his fourth game in a row this week in an important match-up with league-leading $5 Foot Long, nee Hamster Now Guinea Pig. Despite the fact that star running back Steven Jackson (2) toyed with Deezer's emotions this week by declaring himself fit to play when he clearly wasn't, the Stallyns eked out an unpretty victory. While none of the Stallyns went off this week, 15 each from Aaron Rodgers and Braylon Edwards and 13 from Eddie Royal complemented a strong special teams day, with a combined 22 points from Matt Bryant and the Minnesota D. Haller, meanwhile, was hindered by sub-par performances from his usual stalwarts, Brandon Marshall (3), Joe Addai (4), and Clinton Portis, who was in double figures but had one of his weakest fantasy performances of the season.

Mephistopheles 68.08, Tri Steeg Area 88.28
Having scored 850 points this year, Kevin Manning's Tri Steegers are second in the league in scoring, but due to consistent bad luck they are only a game above .500. Normally, when Kex scores 88 points, it's a good day but his opponent invariably scores like 96 points. This week, though, he was taking on the hapless Mephistopheles, so 88 was more than enough to secure a W. Topping the Tri Steeg box score was Peyton Manning, who continued his 2008 resurgence with 20 points. Also making healthy contributions were Bernard Berrian (16), who's been on an impressive run lately as Gus Frerotte's preferred target, and Owen Daniels (13). The Chief's team continues to be hobbled by their lack of running back talent, and this week the roulette wheel by which he determines starters landed on Kevin Faulk and Ricky Williams. They produced nearly 13 points. Of the five backs that Ray drafted, only one (Warrick Dunn) remains on his roster, while Larry Johnson, Laurence Maroney, Rashard Mendenhall, and Deuce McAllister have all been injured, arrested, or ill-advisedly dropped. At least he's not starting Cedric Benson anymore, though. Oh wait, Benson went for 17 last week. Whoops!

And now having looked at all the Week 9 games, let's head straight into the slate for Week 10!

Stadler & Waldorf (3-6) vs. Mephistopheles (3-6)
Is it possible that with consecutive games against fellow bottom-dwellers Woody's Warriors and Mephistopheles my batch of lovable losers could gain their first back-to-back wins of the season? Ray J and I have already faced off once this week, and his Steelers dominated my Redskins, so I'm not holding out much hope for this match-up either. Some of my biggest scorers (Matt Forte and Andre Johnson) are taking on some difficult defenses, and my flex this week is Ray Rice, who is in the enigmatic Baltimore backfield. I'd be psyched for two in a row, but at this point have learned not to get my hopes up.
Mephisto by 3

CH Croakies (4-5) vs. Woody's Warriors (3-6)
It makes sense to note here that for the rest of the season, I'll have a bit of an advantage in my picks due to the fact that there'll be Thursday night games, and I've only gotten maybe one set of predictions out before Friday so far this year. So I know already that Jamal Lewis has 14 for E, but that's safely within the range of what you'd expect from him, so it shouldn't color my prediction too much. Brian Westbrook is still pretty much the only player that scares me on Woody's roster, and he's taking on the stout defense of the Giants, so I don't feel like I'm cheating at all by taking
Croakies by 8

Chestpubes & Ballfro (5-4) vs. Matt Ryan Loves Dogs (6-3)
Again, I've already got some inside info on this match-up knowing that Brady Quinn had a solid fantasy debut with 18 points and Tony Scheffler chipped in with 9. I see the high scoring continuing in this match-up for both teams, with several dynamic players going against weak defenses (Roddy White vs. NO, Tomlinson vs. KC, Tim Hightower vs. SF, Frank Gore vs. AZ). Despite Colly's early lead, I give MRLD the nod in what should be a an exciting game that will likely not be settled 'til Monday night.
MRLD by 6

The Dutch Rudders (3-6) vs. Burke City Giants (5-4)
Having written in this very post about all the reasons for Derek Haller's lack of success, it would be difficult to justify picking him to win here. Further adding to my doubts about Dutch success this week is the fact that Michael Turner is taking on New Orleans, who has just the kind of porous defense he's exploited all season long.
Giants by 9

$5 Foot Long (7-2) vs. Lassard Blows Harris (4-5)
OK. I've got a pretty unfair advantage in picking this one. Haller has already locked in almost 60 points, which in some weeks is enough by itself to beat Lassard Blows Harris. Still on the docket are Steve Smith going against a lame Raiders team and Donnie Avery against the Jets in a game that will probably be a shootout. Meanwhile Papkin's leader, Donovan McNabb, is taking on the Giants. I should probably recuse myself from picking here, but I like free stats-padding as much as the next guy.
Foot Long by 12

Wyld Stallyns (6-3) vs. Tri Steeg Area (5-4)
Here again we know that Eddie Royal has already notched a bodacious 22 points for the Stallyns, which is well more than I would have expected from him. But you know what? I don't think it matters. Deezer doesn't have much to replace Steven Jackson with, and Braylon Edwards' poor performance on Thursday night pretty much negates Royal's. Plus, 5 straight wins is simply too much to give DeYoung.
Tri Steeg by 7

Last week: 3-3
Overall: 35-19

After that ball hit me in the face last night I looked kinda like this:

My vision was pretty blurry too, and I think I may have been concussed, but I'm pretty sure the woman who helped bandage me up looked like this:

Not a bad trade-off, right?