I'm not normally much of a college football fan, but at this time of year my hankering for any kind of football is so strong that I find myself sitting in my apartment this afternoon watching Bob Ferguson's ECU Pirates playing a surprisingly close game against the Va Tech Hokies [Update: with 1:52 left in the game, ECU just took the lead, off a blocked punt no less! How's that for fucking Beamer Ball?!?]. To further satisfy my football jones, I thought I'd take a look back at Tuesday's Native Burke Dwellers draft.
The 11th Round saw the beginning of Portergate, wherein Manning's computer (supposedly) conked out right as he was getting ready to select Jerry Porter, leaving him with the Giants Defense instead. Apparently, missing out on an aging receiver with continual commitment issues who is injured represented a significant crisis for Kex, but our fearless commissioner solved the issue by announcing Porter off-limits until Manning picked again. I was promptly ignored by Koehler, who took Porter early in the 12th Round, completely fucking up my solution. This was soon resolved, however, with the decision for Manning to draft Donte' Stallworth next and trade him to Koehler. Of course, Manning ignored that commish-mandated decision because it was apparently crucially important to him to draft a kicker, Nick Folk. Finally, in round 14, Manning drafted Stallworth and the situation was resolved. At least until I fucked over Koehler again in the supplemental round, but that's another story entirely.
The keeper-depleted 1st Round featured only five picks, with the first
two belonging to my dad and myself. Those picks highlighted the differences in philosophy between the elder and younger Tarasovics, as the fantasy-inexperienced Chief went with established, well-known (but potentially run-down) Larry Johnson while the over-informed Commandant chose the young, unproven runner with upside, Ryan Grant. With Brody Croyle and Aaron Rodgers as their backfield mates, Johnson and Grant will likely be carrying not just Mephistopheles and Police Academy, but the Chiefs and Packers as well.
two belonging to my dad and myself. Those picks highlighted the differences in philosophy between the elder and younger Tarasovics, as the fantasy-inexperienced Chief went with established, well-known (but potentially run-down) Larry Johnson while the over-informed Commandant chose the young, unproven runner with upside, Ryan Grant. With Brody Croyle and Aaron Rodgers as their backfield mates, Johnson and Grant will likely be carrying not just Mephistopheles and Police Academy, but the Chiefs and Packers as well. The only other back selected in the first round was Sam Papkin's Willie Parker, and who can blame him? 2 touchdowns in a season is exactly what I expect from my 1st-round choice. The other two choices in this round were wide receivers, a risky bet considering our reinstatement of the RB flex this year, but Reggie Wayne (Michael Toobin) and Larry Fitzgerald (Elliott Toobin) are probably far more dependable choices than any of the RBs or QBs available here.
...and with the 2nd Round even more keeper-heavy than the first, those receiver picks proved not to be risky at all, as the Toobins had basically the same RB options here that they had in the first, taking Jamal Lewis and Michael Turner. The 2nd round also saw our first non-keeper QB go off the board, as Ray snatched up Drew Brees, arguably the last of the elite signal-callers, at the end of the round. The next QBs wouldn't go for another 16 and 20 picks (Palmer and Roethlisberger), so this may have been a tad early, but picking at the extremes meant that Ray's next opportunity wouldn't be til the end of the 4th, so getting Brees here was probably a good move.
The 3rd Round saw the resumption of (mostly) regular picking, and with it the continuation of some classic NBD strategies. DeYoung revived his faux New Orleans connection by taking Marques Colston, ensuring another year of hearing him echo the annoying Saints "Who dat?" chant. Eric Sherwood maintained his stranglehold on Antonio Gates, despite the fact that most fantasy experts have him ranked lower than Jason Witten (taken 13 picks later) and that he still hasn't shown that he's completely recovered from last season's toe injury.
Since we started the rookie keeper rule, the 3rd round has also traditionally seen a few rookie RBs taken (as evidenced by the keeping of Adrian Peterson and Marshawn Lynch this year). Having won on the back of LaDainian Tomlinson the last two years, and facing the loss of him next season as we move to the Option B keeper system, Joe Colly may have set himself up nicely for the post-LDT era with his selection of Darren McFadden in this round.
The 4th Round, however, started with a questionable pick by Colly as he grabbed Cha
d Johnson (now officially Chad Ocho Cinco?) who will apparently be playing with a torn labrum all season. I don't know what a labrum is, or the extent to which a torn one keeps you from catching the ball, but it doesn't sound good to me.
d Johnson (now officially Chad Ocho Cinco?) who will apparently be playing with a torn labrum all season. I don't know what a labrum is, or the extent to which a torn one keeps you from catching the ball, but it doesn't sound good to me.Another questionable 4th round pick came courtesy of yours truly. Coming into the draft, I had a few goals in mind: to make sure that I got at least 3 primary running backs for my RB1, RB2 and flex positions; and to try and grab a rookie to use my rookie keeper on next year. When I saw Matt Forte on the board at the end of the 4th, he met both requirements, and I took him. But I'll be honest with you: I don't know shit about Matt Forte. I don't know where he went to college. I don't know if he's an inside bumper or an outside burner. I certainly couldn't pick him out of a line-up. And I definitely don't know if the Bears offense can generate any scoring at all this year. But if he blows up this season I reserve the right to come back and edit this post to simply say "The 4th round is where Sovic blew everybody's mind with his season-dominating decision to draft Matt Forte."
The 5th Round was notable for seeing Matt Haller take his second suspended receiver, Brandon Marshall (after Steve Smith in the 3rd), but in light of Commissioner Roger Goodell's subsequent decision to lower the suspension to 1 game, this pick ends up looking savvy. Also of note in the 5th was a positive side effect of the much-maligned RB-by-committee system: though there are less elite rushers, there are simply more decent backs out there, hence the availability of respectable starting rushers like Thomas Jones (Koehler) and Edgerrin James (Derek) this late in the draft. There has also been a preponderance of quality tight ends over the past few seasons, and the selections of Dallas Clark (Elliott) and Kellen Winslow (Manning) in this round speak to that--and further bring into doubt that 3rd-round Gates pick by Woody.
The rookie running back spree really opened up in the 6th & 7th Rounds, as Jonathan Stewart (Manning), Kevin Smith (Elliott), and Rashard Mendenhall (Ray) all left the board. The tight end run also continued and further solidified my bitter, bitter hatred of Michael Toobin as he snatched Jeremy Shockey a mere two picks before I was primed to take him. I hate Shockey the human, but in the Saints' high-powered offense, receiving the ball from Drew Brees (who turned Gates into the superstar he is), with much to prove after his ugly ending with the Giants last season, I love him as a fantasy player this year.
The 7th round also saw the first defense taken, with DeYoung grabbing the Chargers. I will never understand this strategy, though I know D/ST points are not insignificant. It just seems to me that predicting Defensive fantasy output is a total crapshoot. Last season's first Defense taken in our league was the Ravens (Derek), and they finished the season 25th in fantasy points. DeYoung went early on D last year, too, taking the Bears, who finished a respectable 5th in fantasy D. But you know who finished two spots better than them? The Minnesota Vikings, who I picked up off of waivers in week 3. It just seems to me like a silly way to spend a pick that could be used shoring up your bench or other offensive starters. Then again, in five years my highest finish in this league is 6th, so maybe I should just shut up and get on with the draft write-up.
In the 8th Round I watched another of my targeted players disappear 2 picks ahead of me when my own father chose Laveranues Coles, who I think Brett Favre's old, retarded brain will confuse with Donald Driver and make him a primary target across the middle. One pick I did not envy, however, was Derek's choice in this round of Eli Manning. Now, I said some pretty harsh things about Derek's team in last season's draft re-cap (example: "this team sucks and I hate it."), and they ended up dominating the regular season and almost winning the whole thing, so I'm going to bite my tongue this year. But suffice it to say that with Donovan McNabb and Brett Favre still on the table, this pick was... somewhat questionable.
The 9th Round bored me, but the 10th Round featured a few notable selections. Colly started it off by taking Felix Jones, who has looked good on HBO's Hard Knocks show (well, actually he's looked like an old man version of Dave Chappelle, but his football-playing has looked good). If Marion Barber keeps slamming into linebackers like a crash test dummy flying into a brick wall, Jones could get some work sooner than later, potentially giving Colly the choice between two emerging RBs next year (the other being McFadden).
Also of interest to me was Koehler's selection of Chester Taylor, not because he is a notable player, per se, but because I have noticed that the whole "handcuffing" phenomenon that we saw a few years ago seems so have subsided. Elliott took Purple Jesus but let Taylor fall to Koehler; Derek took Marion Barber but let Jones fall to Colly; Papkin took Willie Parker but let Mendenhall fall to Ray. The only owner who seems to still buy wholely into the handcuffing theory is Matt Haller, who backed up Clinton Portis with Ladell Betts and Joseph Addai with Mike Hart. What this means, I don't know. But it seemed interesting to me.
The 11th Round saw the beginning of Portergate, wherein Manning's computer (supposedly) conked out right as he was getting ready to select Jerry Porter, leaving him with the Giants Defense instead. Apparently, missing out on an aging receiver with continual commitment issues who is injured represented a significant crisis for Kex, but our fearless commissioner solved the issue by announcing Porter off-limits until Manning picked again. I was promptly ignored by Koehler, who took Porter early in the 12th Round, completely fucking up my solution. This was soon resolved, however, with the decision for Manning to draft Donte' Stallworth next and trade him to Koehler. Of course, Manning ignored that commish-mandated decision because it was apparently crucially important to him to draft a kicker, Nick Folk. Finally, in round 14, Manning drafted Stallworth and the situation was resolved. At least until I fucked over Koehler again in the supplemental round, but that's another story entirely.
A significant milestone of any draft occurred in the 13th Round, when the first player I've never heard of is drafted. This year's was DeYoung's pick of Eddie Royal, who as it turns out was a Hokie, which surprises me to no end considering Jon's hatred of Va Tech. But I do see that he's a NoVa boy, having played at Paul VI, South Lakes, and Westfield, so I guess Deezer feels justified in taking him.
The 14th & 15th Rounds were filled with the usual collection of random RB5s, WR6s, kickers and defenses, and were notable only for Colly's question to me before the final pick of the regular draft: "Is Tatum Bell dead?" I suppose we won't know for sure until after week 1.
The Supplemental Round went astoundingly smoothly (other than my Steve Slaton fuck-up) considering that we were in a time crunch and had to shuffle back and forth between the draft room and available players list. DeYoung managed to snatch up two more Saints, and they will probably be quickly dropped once the season begins, but Robert Meachem could make some contributions this year, as could Derek's selection of Chris Perry, showing that late gems can be found, even in the supplemental round.
All in all, as Commish I have to say that I was pleased with how the draft went. I hope you are all happy with your teams, even though some of them are comically bad. I can't wait to re-visit this re-cap later on in the season to see how wrong I was. Keep an eye out later this week for some Week 1 predictions here on From the Desk of Commandant Eric Lassard. Enjoy your Labor Day weekends.
